Can anyone give me advice on how to get a child back after Social services put them in Foster Care

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My family member has lost their child.
Raging drug addiction after a very traumatic life.

It's a long road to recovery and they haven't stopped taking drugs cold turkey. Certainly the drug use has reduced significantly but not completely. I suspect they have hot rock bottom there was a case of 'what's the point?' in the beginning when child was first taken.

I don't think the parents are receiving any support (which is fair enough, they are adults and the child comes first) but they hit rock bottom and I was angry with them for a long time, withdrew contact (not completely) and blamed them for ruining their children's lives (2 children one is old enough to have moved out rather than go into care)

Now the dust has settled, I want to support the parents to at least try to get the child back (I don't know if it's even possible but for the child's sake we should do all we can do)
I feel really bad for being angry when they were clearly hurting and needed support.

Is there anything concrete to help them?
I'm thinking parenting classes and some sort of alcoholics anonymous but for drug addiction. Can't afford rehab but there must be other things to help.

Social services have been great with regards to the child but there has been no interest in helping the parents back on their feet,
what can I do to help?

• I am not trying to put a plaster over the situation, but we have had quite a few suicides in our family (hence the drug use as coping mechanism) and I am so, so worried that if they lose the child forever, possibly to be adopted or fostered long term they would do something stupid. or even overdose. This is only a blip in a normal life, brought on by bereavement. -

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

Fiesta and foremost you need to start actually caring for them by getting them help regardless. Noone deserve to be an adict. To go so dar down that their child is taken. That sick.very sick. And nor that their lives are so low that without said family they might aswell die.
Their child can cone back when they find a way to live. Not dependant on other factors.
Well peoplecdont want to die.
Don't want to die if something goes wrong.
Get them help for recovery.
The social worker will no exactly the list they need to complete to get their child back. Recovered.

I can understand that you are in a very difficult position. But you cannot be responsible for their actions. You can be supportive, advise them, show them where to get help,... but you can't make someone taking drugs to stop, SS services removing the children/ whatever the decisions stems from it are out of your control.
They need to get clean, they need to work with Social Services and do whatever is ordered and recommended.
Are there any citizen advice centres, addiction charities in your area where you could find out what helps and support are available?
But ultimately it is going to have to be up to them to do the work of getting and staying clean.

I am currently in a situation with social services myself due to drugs and alcohol.
The only way to move forward is to accept the situation

No child or baby or adult is responsible for another adult 's mental health.
The adult has to seek support. For themselves. Op you cannot fix this.
At keast the child is safe and cared for.

You do sound as if you really care but I think you are thinking about this with your heart and not your head.

You are putting yourself in their shoes and thinking about how you would feel but, honestly, that isn't the way to look at this. You aren't, I presume, a substance abuser and therefore you have different priorities and different views on being a parent.

It's not an easy for social work to remove a child, there are a lot of steps to be taken and evidence to be presented before courts. The parents will have been worked with to try and stop it getting to this point, there will have been many offers of support - some would say too many chances and at the detriment of the child/children.

If they can change their lifestyle and commit to providing a caring and nurturing home for their child then that is fantastic, however it's not a quick process, they need to prove they have changed and are committed to this change.

It's a difficult thing to think about, when it comes to family, but please ask yourself - in the current circumstances do you truly believe the best place for the child is back with the parents? From what you've written, it seems to me that Foster care is the safest and best place for them to be.

I don't think it's helpful to focus on the removed child. That child has now gone into a safe family. Your concern now lies with your family member. She needs to join support groups, and find help to stop taking drugs. It's not something you can do for her, she has to want to do this herself. Even if she were clean for a few months, ss are not going to give the child back, because it's common to relapse within the first year. This is why you cannot encourage the thought of getting the child back. Because she'll get clean, expect the child back. But ss decline then she's back to the drugs, because she's depressed.

OP I actually think this is you. You don’t seem to care at all about the child’s needs and the excuses you’ve given, the claims of no help offered show that the poor children are infinitely better off not living with you. You don’t truly care about them at all.

I have to agree with this.

The ONLY thing you should be doing is getting the parents drug free permanently. That might include removing away from their drug contacts.

*removing =moving away, ie different city

The children cannot be responsible for their parents mental health. I see you're trying to help the parents, but they're still not sober! The parents need to be stable and sober for a considerable amount of time before even thinking of moving the children back.

Relapse is part of recovery. An addict is always an addict, even after 20 years sober. People do get sober, some remain sober, but the path is long and the children, if they have a calm,safe and stable environment they have settled into, do not need to be removed from that to watch that journey. The parents need to walk a lot more of that journey first.

The childrens needs come first - aren't they a family member too?? They are innocent in all of this.

The addict needs to get clean. Until they do, there's no way the child will "be returned". It might be the case that the child is never returned. Their safety and security is more important than their parents.

It depends on what stage processing are at through the court bit once an adoption order goes through no child will be returned to birth family.

Parents can always apply for a discharge of a care order - they then need to evidence what has changed since the final hearing, and a new parenting assessment would be completed/supporting information provided. Your family member knows that they can do this. All parents whose children are subject to care orders know this.

They would have had at least 6 months within the court proceedings to access support and make changes - and a period of time before court proceedings within which they would have been cajoled and encouraged to make changes.

If they wanted to or were able to make changes, they would have. If they wanted their child back, they would be looking for support groups themselves and making a court application themselves. But they haven't, and they aren't. Do you really think that you suggesting that they access a parenting course and drugs service would be all that is needed as justification for a child to return to that environment? It's all about the adult family member, not the child (also your family). Why don't you support the child by asking for contact with them? Did you not wish to be assessed as a carer for them?

There will be somewhere from SS a set of requirements, you relative will know this (although as per other threads may be in denial about the problem)

Don't forget people with drug addiction are allowed to keep children, if the children are safe and cared for (I have a family member with what could be described as a mild drug addiction and the husband who lives in the house has a severe heroin addiction, SS involved but kids not taken away)

So 1) the drug addiction must be more severe than you think and 2) the children were not safe/cared for. All that needs to change before you can even think about "getting the kids back"

I don't know what is best, the obvious answer is parents fix up and go home but it might not be possible but what if they could get normal and I didn't Try help them? what if they get taken away and their parents kill them selves? I am finding the situation very difficult as an adult, o with I could rewind and live a few years ago
It's clear you mean well, but if a child is taken away then it's because there are enough professionals who have demonstrated through the relevant legal processes that the parent is either incapable or unwilling to safeguard the children.

If an adult harms themselves in that situation it is nobody else's responsibility, and that includes you. It sounds like you're putting a lot of responsibility for this adult's wellbeing on your shoulders, which is an unfair cross for you to carry.

You really need to stop seeing it as 'but what if they kill themselves because their children were taken' and shift the perspective to 'what harm will the children be subjected to if a neglectful parent's feelings are prioritised over children's safety and welfare?"

If you're keen to help your relative, then you need to support them in accessing the relevant support that will have been offered, without letting yourself become responsible for them.

Addicts often want someone else to blame and someone else to take responsibility because it's easy, and it allows them to avoid taking responsibility. They are also prone to creating codependent relationships with friends/family because that can also allow them to avoid engaging with the impact of their actions.

Until your relative is ready to deal with their issues meaningfully, get clean and accept responsibility for their actions and the impact of their actions, they will not be safe to prioritise their children's welfare.

His old is the child? People's advice will depend on that. It Jay be better if the child is really young to let them start a new life.

How were they before the drugs? Were they able to look after the child? We're SS involved then?

Did SS approach any family members? I've known aunts / uncles / grandparents to take in the children otherwise they would end up in foster care and being adopted.

Are you the child? The older one that’s living independently now maybe? I suspect you are. If so I am so, so sorry. You should not have the weight of this on your shoulders and I hope you get the help you need.

The reality is the best that the parents can hope for is kinship care where a relative is then given a special guardianship order making them legally the child’s carer if this cannot be pursued the child will either remain in foster care system or they will go to court for a placement order and then the child will be placed for adoption.

I strongly suspect that getting clean at this stage will be too little too late because not only do the parents need to demonstrate they are clean they also need to have remained clean for a considerable period and found help for the underlying issues of why the use drugs. This is highly likely to be outside of the child’s timescale.

It’s not appropriate for a child to be returned to a drug abuser especially if SS have had to intervene. Very selfish to even expect a child back.

Foster-care isn't adoption - so it isn't permanent.

However, usually everything is done to keep children with their parents. Foster-care is not offered lightly.

I can understand why you feel it is best for the parent to have the child back - to help with motivation and to avoid depression and suicide.

However, what is really best for the child in this case?
Living with a drug addict is not a good life.
Living with an unstable and possibly suicidal parent is not a good life.

Foster care has a terrible reputation (as uncaring!) but actually, it can be amazingly good. I've seen some very happy outcomes.

Unless the parent has stopped using and been sober and stable for some time, any discussion of returning the child to the home is completely inappropriate.

you feel sympathy for your relative, but ultimately, the priority has to be the child. Living with an addict does enormous damage to a child. If the child is doing well in the foster placement, that is where the child should stay unless the parent is truly ready to take on the challenge of staying sober while parenting again. Being removed from a parent is far from ideal, but a one time move is better than bouncing back and forth between biological parent and assorted foster placements.

I too agree it's telling that your focus here appears to be on 'getting the child back' rather than 'becoming a fit person to care for the child'. It doesn't speak of a perspective that centres the child, at all.

"I don't think the parents are receiving any support (which is fair enough, they are adults and the child comes first)"

This isn't fair enough. The best place for the child is with their parents and the parents in the right place to support and care for them in the way the child deserves. Social services first obligation is to make sure the child is safe initially which they've done by sourcing foster care provision, the second obligation is to actively work towards family reunification. So the social worker should be actively putting supports in place for both parents to give them a chance to get back on top of things. That should look like offering counselling, support with addiction, parenting classes etc... everything you've mentioned sourcing yourself. If the social worker isn't offering that then they are not fulfilling their duty to the family unit and therefore to the child. Now they may have offered this and the parents may have declined which is a different story or there may be another reason you aren't aware of why the child can not return to the home even if the parents got back to a healthier place in themselves. But that's for the social worker to assess. Can you offer to sit in a child protection review meeting as a support for the parents and query this. Even if the child wasn't going to be returned to family, its still in the child's best interests to see their family members doing well when they have family contact so it seems strange the social worker isn't attempting to facilitate this.

As far as I'm aware it depends on what the social work team is requesting from the court. It could be a temporary order to allow social services to accommodate the child until such times as a parent is able to demonstrate they're able to recommence their duties as a parent. In this scenario the parents will still have some say in things like medical treatment etc etc. Alternatively it could be a permanent care order and the child could be freed for adoption. To be honest a lot depends on the age of the child. This is more common in young children because the demand for young children in the adoption circle is much higher. After the age of 3 the chance of a child being adopted plummets and they're more likely to stay in other types of care. This will have bearing on how the social worker makes their decision re reunification.

I’m sorry to be blunt, but I think you’re thinking about this wrong. It’s very understandable but you have a fixed goal in mind- you’ve started with the solution without fully recognising or understanding the problem. And with the greatest respect your mindset could do more harm than good.

Your relative needs love and unconditional support, not support conditional on achieving a certain target. And then there’s the compounding factor that addiction often twists love and support to co-dependency and enablement.

It’s a messy, tragic situation and I’m sorry for everyone involved.