Can anyone give me advice on how to get a child back after Social services put them in Foster Care

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My family member has lost their child.
Raging drug addiction after a very traumatic life.

It's a long road to recovery and they haven't stopped taking drugs cold turkey. Certainly the drug use has reduced significantly but not completely. I suspect they have hot rock bottom there was a case of 'what's the point?' in the beginning when child was first taken.

I don't think the parents are receiving any support (which is fair enough, they are adults and the child comes first) but they hit rock bottom and I was angry with them for a long time, withdrew contact (not completely) and blamed them for ruining their children's lives (2 children one is old enough to have moved out rather than go into care)

Now the dust has settled, I want to support the parents to at least try to get the child back (I don't know if it's even possible but for the child's sake we should do all we can do)
I feel really bad for being angry when they were clearly hurting and needed support.

Is there anything concrete to help them?
I'm thinking parenting classes and some sort of alcoholics anonymous but for drug addiction. Can't afford rehab but there must be other things to help.

Social services have been great with regards to the child but there has been no interest in helping the parents back on their feet,
what can I do to help?

• I am not trying to put a plaster over the situation, but we have had quite a few suicides in our family (hence the drug use as coping mechanism) and I am so, so worried that if they lose the child forever, possibly to be adopted or fostered long term they would do something stupid. or even overdose. This is only a blip in a normal life, brought on by bereavement. -

If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.

Removing a child from their parents is the very last resort by ss. So much support will have been offered, and not taken up.

The child will not be returned while the parents are still using drugs as THIS IS NOT IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD.

Maybe the parents haven't hit rock bottom yet if they still can't give up drugs. Maybe they aren't fit to be parents. Maybe the family wasn't asked about kinship caring as they cannot see the harm the parent is still causing the child by refusing to engage with the support.

This is a sad situation but the children’s needs need to be at the forefront. If they are happy, safe and thriving where they are, I wouldn’t be fighting to return them home.

It is up to the parents to get themselves clean and in a position where they can sufficiently care for their children. You can’t do it for them.

Like other PP, I don’t agree with the motivation behind getting the children back. They shouldn’t be used as a prop to prevent suicide. They are the victims here and their needs come first. Not the needs or wants of the adults.

I hope that the adults get the help that they need but please consider what is right for the children in this.

While I know you mean well and feel you need to make every effort now because you feel guilty for not doing so previously, but this is not a blip in normal life. It's not. You can't sign them up for a six month course and it will all be "normal". If it was that easy, the care system wouldn't exist.

The social workers will have spelled out very clearly and repeatedly, on many occasions what the parents need to do in order to keep the children, and they weren't able to do it. You mention in the beginning when child was first taken, but that wasn't the beginning of this.

You don't have the power to change this situation, unfortunately. If they are still using drugs, the penny has not yet dropped, and if the removal of their children didn't make it happen I don't think there's anything you can do that would be more powerful than that.

I would not support a drug addict who is still using to get their kids back.

Especially if their neglect was bad enough for them to lose custody in the first place.

I'd be trying to support them to find a rehabilitation programme, and then possibly to help reunite them with their children after several months clean.

-deal with the addiction asap
-parenting courses
-always attend contact sessions - on time and not under the influence of substances
-clean the home environment, make it safe for a child and maintain this
-engage fully with professionals
-show that there is a support network
-have a plan in place where they can recognise dangers and seek immediate help (eg if they were clean , got their child back but felt the urge to use again )

This is only a blip in a normal life, brought on by bereavement.
For the child it’s a life altering event. It will be with them forever and have an impact on who they are as a person. I assume you’re talking about the parents’ drug addiction here and somehow not the impact on the child, but it feels wrong calling any part of it a blip.

I imagine the most hope would come from the parents’ overcoming their addiction and living a stable and secure life, attending therapy and taking responsibility for what happened.

If they can’t achieve this is time for their child to be returned to them (healing and growing as a person surely is a long term process?) they’ll be in a better position to then build a good relationship with them should they be reunited in the future.

I don’t know how much you personally can impact this though.

What a sad situation for everyone involved. I’m sorry OP.

the only thing that will give them a chance is by getting clean and staying clean and then taking classes, if drugs were the only issue ( no neglect or abuse stuff other than drug stuff) then they will just be expected to be clean for a certain amount of time and take regular drug tests etc, Only the social services will know what they can do, do they even want the children back?

If the social decide they arnt going to try and re establish a home then they wont.

So the parent/s hasn't completely stopped taking drugs yet and you think they should be back in their children's lives? No they should be clean for Quite a while before any sort of contact.

Can your relative access any legal advice? Legal aid/pro bond?

They will be entitled to Legal Aid - when children are being taken into care the parents get Legal Aid and it isn't means tested

Has the final court hearing happened, if so what was the outcome?

I have found the Family Rights Group forums very helpful. They have a forum for friends and relatives, and one for parents/carers.

If you really had the child’s interests first then you’d be glad they were away and safe from the so called parents.

Well first and foremost they need to deal with their addiction. Which means not using. At all. Ever. And for a sustained period of time.

It's unlikely they haven't been offered addiction support. I imagine parenting classes would come later. Not much point in giving parenting classes to a raging drug addict.

They need to engage with their social worker. Emphasis on THEY, not you. You can support them but the hard work needs to come from parent. Child needs to be their only priority.

If they can't manage that then they have no business attempting to get their child back.

Very sad. At least the children are out of the drug effected home.
Autismproblem above has written what I was thinking.
I also think that it will take a long time to meet those requirements and perhaps never.
Thus, you could help facilitate that every contact hour with their parents that does happen and every contact that you have with the children is very positive, safe and happy.

You could help the children to understand why they are not with their parents and what it is about drugs that leaves their parents in a bad way. Be part of the support team for the child. Your relative should take a lot of comfort from seeing their kids' needs met by loving relatives.

I don't know if it's even possible but for the child's sake we should do all we can do

Sometimes it is not in a child's best interest to return to their birth parents. When it is, Children's Services work very hard to achieve that outcome. And they will not have removed the child without being very clear to the parents why that is happening, what needs to happen to stop it happening, and what needs to happen to have the child returned. Whilst it is not Children's Services job to fix the parents, they will have referred and signposted to multiple places for support for the parents. If the parents have not sought and/ or responded to the support available, then that is where they must start. "Raging drug addiction" over many years is not a "blip" in normal life.

The starting point should never be to do something (give up drugs) to get a reward (your child back), because every time there is a problem with the latter it will fuel not bothering about the former. And without being harsh, you are not responsible for their bad choices, in the past or in the future. If they are serious about wanting to get some stability in their lives, they must want to do it for themselves, otherwise they will slip back every time they hit a bump.

There are lots of support organisations, some in the NHS and others in the Third Sector. Services vary depending on where you live, but a GP and / or MIND would be good starting points to look at what is available.

I'm gonna be blunt here. I do not believe they have not been offered help.They may have told you that, they may even believe that, but there's help and support out there to break an addiction. Recovery is possible for many people.
If they haven't already done so, their first step would be to speak with their GP about support to manage their addiction. If your family member's true priority is to get the children back (and provide a good home life) they need to also consider that they may need to consider separating if they can't take this journey together.
Good luck.

They need to speak to the gp or self refer to the local drug and alcohol service.

You seem to be looking at it from what’s best for the parent. What is actually best for the child though?

This.

Few questions:

Rough age of children?
Have they only recently been taken in to care, or have they been in care for some time?
Are court proceeding finished?
What level of contact is there between parent and children?
Is this what parents want or what you feel should happen?

Normally children are placed within the wider family network wherever possible, foster care is always a last resort. Did you put yourself forward to care for the children?

Sounds like parents are still using/living chaotic lifestyle therefore would need to show and sustain any changes (negative drug tests/stable home life) before asking to be reassessed for children's care.

Do you have any contact with the children directly? You could always make contact with social services and ask about this so children maintain family links?

And a final point, said with absolute sensitivity in a really sad and difficult situation: Is it really in the best interest of the child to go down this route?

I think you may be being fed a line when they say they’ve received no support. A lot happens before a child is removed.

Certainly the drug use has reduced significantly but not completely.

If they are still taking drugs, you should leave the child in foster care.

Why are they not receiving any support or services? Is it that they can't be arsed to find it for themselves? There are plenty of services available. Have they been offered services but declined them?

In which case they are absolutely not in any position to be parents again until they resolve addiction issues.

Sorry but I really think you should back out of this and leave them to it. If they prefer to stay on drugs rather than get their child back, then that tells you all you need to know.

Sadly, this sounds anything but a 'blip in a normal life' - it worries me how you see it and genuinely I'm not sure it would be best for the child to be back with these parents..
No one wants to see anyone commit suicide, equally you can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves, do they?

Why didn't you or another family member step up and look after the child rather than it going into care?

We had this on our family but the difference being that the children were allowed to stay with their drug addict mother for far too long. The dc are now young adults are basically fucked up. Sometimes, and as hard as it is, the decisions social services make for children can often be the best ones. What if you relatives fall off the wagon and go back to their old ways? Is it fair for the dc to be in and out of this current situation, in and out of different peoples lives? If they are settled in an alternative situation it’s best left how it is. Your relative should concentrate on staying clean and trying to keep contact and just hope they can keep a decent relationship with their dc for the future, that’s how you can support them. Sadly, the damage is already done.