How come some people ’get it all’, or nearly all, and some people really don’t get to have anything - other than a shit sandwich of a life?

[TabooOfNoSex]

It is baffling to me.
It really is.

That someone can have (relatively) good health, mental healt, friends, at least ok parent(s),
bf/gf - MANY of them through out life - as in multiple people wanted to love them, kids (if they want them), pretty/handsome, be at least okey in school/ be pretty smart, money, people who want to spend time with them… etc.

I consider all of these things to be incredible privileges and yet so many people don’t even have to think about it.
Nevermind have multiple things on that list.

And then are people who got fuck all…

Now, please don’t hit me with the comparison is the thief of joy, this is not about that obviously.
And I know I get told IABU, just having a little sad vent now that I’m once again feeling nothing will ever work out for me.

But still!
Shouldn’t there be like a cosmic balance that everyone would at least get something?
Something to make this life worth living.

I so relate to that - similar position and I feel lucky and fortunate for everything I have and all that I have achieved even though some people would consider it very little and unfullfilling.

Also I’m always told how strong, resourceful and resilient I am and how I face challenges with ease, positivity and managing to smile.

I believe that my dysfunctional childhood taught me a lot - I had to work really hard to get to a point of emotional stability but I’m also extremely luck that my mental health is good which seems like a miracle since there is so much mental health conditions in my family… however the price I paid is that I would always choose partners who struggled with their mental health because that is what was familiar and normal to me. After many dramatic relationships and years of work on myself I finally got to a place where I can smell dysfunction and men / friends with issues so I quickly re-direct my path.

It’s disingenuous to claim that a successful life always comes from hard work: and being deserved. It’s not. It’s a massive amount of luck along the way.

this cartoon always reminds me of this

digitalsynopsis.com/inspiration/privileged-kids-on-a-plate-pencilsword-toby-morris/

It's impossible to know the pain some people carry around with them, who will never know equilibrium or a state of being at peace in their own minds. On the surface, or via the image they choose to project to the world, some may appear to lead a charmed life, but I suspect that is rarely really the case for very many people.

The content of what people overshare on social media isn't something I'd take particularly seriously, either.

A comment upthread resonated:

Also I’m always told how strong, resourceful and resilient I am and how I face challenges with ease, positivity and managing to smile.

I too am constantly being told this. I'm becoming rather tired of it. It isn't possible to be a tower of strength all the time.

Ikr.

I look like I have a well paid husband and that our kids are nicely cushioned. The truth is that my husband sends 70% of his salary to his parents and sister and wont ask where it went. Has been doing it all our wedded life. We have zilch in savings. I work part time and have saved a small amount (7k)if my kids need. I am now looking for a full time minimum wage job. People will be shocked why I got into it when I am loaded, little they know this minimum wage job is the only cushion me and my kids will have until they can work.

I have a neighbour who just lives to call other people 'baitch'... her full time job is to send other people mesages at 2am calling them biatches and accusing them of some trival thing they did 20yrs ago which apparently offended her. She keeps a journal of the insults over last 20-30yrs and keep them rewinding.
The husband earns 7 figures, cooks , pays the cleaner and gets her diamond necklaces every year and buys property on her name. He even shifts the blame on the victims for her.

Fuck me.

I don't consider most of those things listed as privileges. They should be what we all have. Sadly many don't.

Strange thing self esteem. Even those from loving families which should provide most of the basics listed don't have it.

I have it. Few of my friends do. Or some have some. Not as much as me. My mum has it. My mum says I was always very content. And both my ds's have it, more than any of their friends. Most have varying levels of chronic anxiety. And even though I am wierd and geeky, and have other issues, (as does ds1), my good self worth always carries me, grounds me. Self worth can't be installed either. You can get counselling, work on it. But it's never the same as someone who has it inherently, naturally. But op can try counselling and self help books, to at least try.

I'd like there to be a cosmic balance too @TabooOfNoSex.

I think of friends who have died and never really got a chance in life.

Perhaps that's why religions developed - to give people hope to carry on, despite their circumstances.
If this life is sh*t for them, their afterlife will be wonderful.

You feel what you feel, that's not unreasonable, please get help if you can.
But by instinct I voted YABU because a lot of those people who appear to "have it all" really don't...

I've been lucky . I've got healthy children / grandchildren. I've got a good husband , good health , but everything else has been down to hard-graft nothing has been given to me on a plate . If you haven't got your health and people who care for you then you have nothing do yes I've been lucky and I thank the universe for it .