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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for tips from mothers?

219 replies

AlmostaMamma · 27/02/2023 15:52

I’m pregnant with our first and super excited. Also slightly terrified. All the feels. 😊

To all the mums on here, I’d love to know - what’s the one piece of solid gold advice you wish someone had given you when you were expecting your first baby? It might be something about giving birth, a seemingly inane life tip, or a life changing realisation you’ve had since becoming a mum, but please share.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 27/02/2023 15:53

You matter too.

And

Do not set yourself up as the default parent

Findyourneutralspace · 27/02/2023 15:54

Everyone’s winging it

2021s · 27/02/2023 15:55

You really don’t need all the crap and gadgets that you are marketed.
They grow so fast so don’t buy lots of small outfits, you won’t get chance to use them, baby grows are perfect.

Pipersouth · 27/02/2023 15:56

There will be shit times and beautiful times. Grab sleep when you can. Everything is a phase seems ridiculous but yes it’s true! Take pictures (with you in) it’s surprising what things you forget! Good luck and enjoy

quietnightmare · 27/02/2023 15:57

Just relax don't panic about things or if you have this or that everything works out

Don't worry about what anyone says to you about what you should or shouldn't be doing with your baby or if they are not hitting milestones earlier than your friends children

Do not buy into all the gimics, nursing chairs, changing table with chest of drawers and matching nursery furniture, every single toy you set the sun, going to baby groups when your baby is a week old due to thinking that's what your supposed to do only go if you want to go for you

The baby does not need two prams, two Moses baskets, sitting up chairs etc the baby will learn more playing on the fooor

quietnightmare · 27/02/2023 15:57

Floor

RudsyFarmer · 27/02/2023 15:57

Parent the child you have not the child you want.

Lkydfju · 27/02/2023 15:57

Everything is a phase; so when it’s hard that will end and enjoy the good parts too
Also you’re parenting your own child and doing what they need; something that works for someone else might not work for you and vice versa

misschem · 27/02/2023 15:57

Follow your instincts, every time.

fleurdelee · 27/02/2023 15:58

Blossom antenatal classes online are amazing

Get a post partum plan too
Cleaning does not matter as much as cuddling or sleeping

Rainbowsundae · 27/02/2023 15:59

You don't need all the gadgets except *

*buy a perfect prep machine (if you even think you might bottle feed). The best £60.00 I ever spent .

Get an epidural, it'll mean the birth is actually a pleasant experience.

Look for baby groups in the afternoons, ( you'll be tired in the mornings ).

Babies seem to love being fed to sleep ( bottle or breast).

Don't forget to bring hats to the hospital!!

Nowthatlovehasperished · 27/02/2023 16:00

Establish clear boundaries and expectations about household chores - you're at home to
Loom after the baby, not to become a servant.

Think about the potential impact on your pension and finances in the long term.

If you need help ask for it and be specific.

Don't let resentment build up.

2021s · 27/02/2023 16:02

Don’t worry about being judged for your methods or choices - judgers are gonna judge anyway, no matter what you do, so don’t let it influence you or steal your joy.

MistyFrequencies · 27/02/2023 16:03

misschem · 27/02/2023 15:57

Follow your instincts, every time.

This. Its so hard to do when you are a new mum with your first child. But honestly, you are the mum, youve known this baby for 9 months longer than everyone else gets to meet them. They know you, your voice etc. You have motherly instincts for a reason and you need to trust them. Everyone else had a different baby, not your baby.

2021s · 27/02/2023 16:04

Dont discuss your baby name ideas with anyone except the father. Everyone has an opinion on names and it’s rarely helpful.

Brunelofbrio · 27/02/2023 16:05

Baby vests roll down!

VivaVivaa · 27/02/2023 16:07

You can only parent the child you have been given, not the child you thought you’d have.

Original poster
AlmostaMamma · 27/02/2023 16:12

These are all lovely!

OP posts:
SockGoddess · 27/02/2023 16:13

OK OP I don't want to be negative or alarm you but I'm saying this because I wish someone had told me this.

The days/weeks after the birth can be awful. (Might not be, but can be - especially if you've had a difficult or surgical birth and are trying to recover, or have a clingy baby, or other issues.) If you feel like a sleepless endlessly leaking zombie, with barely a clue what you're doing, cry all the time and feel like you're stuck in an endless limbo, and can't even get out of your PJs, don't worry! - it's normal and will pass. Of course it helps to have supportive partner/other help around to keep on top of basic jobs and take the baby sometimes so you can sleep/bathe, but even then you can feel overwhelmed, as it's such a big change, has a big impact on your body and mind, and takes time to adjust.

I remember getting congratulations cards that were lovely of course but sometimes said things like "Treasure these precious early days, they pass so soon!" and I was thinking "FML, this is the GOOD BIT!?" No it wasn't. I'd has a Caesarean, had BF problems and although I was thrilled with my baby, I'll be honest I felt like shit. By 4-6 weeks in it was so much better - not easy peasy but manageable and I felt stronger again.

Oh and ignore any competitive baby stage boasting from other mums. So what your 5-month-old can crawl, ride a horse and bake a pavlova and mine can't. It doesn't matter. Just love your own special baby for being him/herself and don't worry.

Wishing you a lovely birth and all the luck! Flowers

JimHensonWasAGenius · 27/02/2023 16:15

To post threads in the correct section of MN.

Ahenrybyanyothername · 27/02/2023 16:17

My main advice would be buy as few baby specific gadgets and furniture as you can get away with, you'll just be getting rid in a few months to make space.

My other advice would be have a "grab bag" of all the essentials you need out of the house ready to go at all times. That way you have none of this faffing about getting ready to leave the house, you pick up the baby and you leave. It makes leaving the house to see people/ do things an absolute breeze, rather than the major operation lots of people make it out to be.

Also, if its shit and you're having an awful time (like I found the whole newborn stage), take the wins where you can get them and know each phase only lasts so long and it gets easier! Just go with the flow as much as possible and don't stress about "doing the right thing"/ being perfect.

Reugny · 27/02/2023 16:19

*buy a perfect prep machine (if you even think you might bottle feed). The best £60.00 I ever spent .

Get an epidural, it'll mean the birth is actually a pleasant experience.

Look for baby groups in the afternoons, ( you'll be tired in the mornings ).

Babies seem to love being fed to sleep ( bottle or breast).

@Rainbowsundae See this is where I disagree with you.

This is in part because I had to parent the child I had not the child I thought I had been given.

stockpilingallthecheese · 27/02/2023 16:37

I'm a new mum. Baby has loads of lovely outfits but lives in sleeveless vets under babygros!

I'm combi feeding and the perfect prep day and night machine is a lifesaver especially overnight - it lives in our bedroom and every night I take up a tray of bottles with the formula powder in so no need to leave the bedroom in the night.

If pumping, buy a double pump. I don't use both at the same time but it's great to have one clean and sterilised ready to go at all times.

Borrow stuff and accept hand me downs / we've borrowed a brilliant steriliser, bought plenty of bits second hand and have been given so many lovely clothes from friends and family.

Don't be afraid to leave baby at home with dad or someone else and get out of the house for a bit - time to yourself and fresh air is so important even if it's only a few minutes!

Rainbowsundae · 27/02/2023 16:43

Reugny · 27/02/2023 16:19

*buy a perfect prep machine (if you even think you might bottle feed). The best £60.00 I ever spent .

Get an epidural, it'll mean the birth is actually a pleasant experience.

Look for baby groups in the afternoons, ( you'll be tired in the mornings ).

Babies seem to love being fed to sleep ( bottle or breast).

@Rainbowsundae See this is where I disagree with you.

This is in part because I had to parent the child I had not the child I thought I had been given.

sorry which bit do you disagree with ?

Topbird29 · 27/02/2023 16:46

I found I lost the chance to be spontaneous - can't agree to poo to the cinema, or just pop out for drinks and leave baby at home if breast feeding and baby won't take a bottle. We did try to get them to take bottle too - but just didn't work for us.

Do loads of stuff now with your partner that you might not get a chance to do for months afterwards- even if it's just having a nice meal or going for a drink.

Put extra effort into maintaining friendships. If you are the first (or only one) in your group to have kids, the others will just not understand about extra planning around childcare etc.

And enjoy your baby.