To ask for tips from mothers?

[AlmostaMamma]

I’m pregnant with our first and super excited. Also slightly terrified. All the feels. 😊

To all the mums on here, I’d love to know - what’s the one piece of solid gold advice you wish someone had given you when you were expecting your first baby? It might be something about giving birth, a seemingly inane life tip, or a life changing realisation you’ve had since becoming a mum, but please share.

Google the 4th trimester - it will solve a lot of questions you’ll have! Please note it is normal for baby to not want to sleep in their cot/Moses basket or anywhere but on you!

On the topic of sleep, adjust your sleep expectations! Sleep is developmental, not linear, so it doesn’t just get better as they get older but goes through good and bad patches.

For an example, 3 months old is generally the best your baby will sleep for the entire first year. Most people don’t know that!

Night wakes are normal and common until well over 2 years old. This is a great resource on the realities of baby sleep:

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

If you decide to breastfeed. It's hard but it's gets better. I love it. Sleep when you can.

Oh and definitely get an epidural. They had to tell me when I was having contractions.

You’re going to be so tired. It will pass. All things will pass.

Eat chocolate.

Mine would be : You are a mother now, you are in control and you make the decisions for how your child is brought up.
Don't let other people Influence the way you parent. You need to find your flow and style.

Forget about perfect, or "should". My kids are much older and now it's clear that perfect is impossible, every child, family, parent is different and good enough is good enough. Also I do me and you do you is normal at this stage, much less comparison. But because in the baby stage there is less going on (it's basically birth, feeding, sleeping and play) the choices become really big and charged with comparison and making the perfect decision seems so important. It will 100% not matter which buggy or pram you bought, how you fed your baby, whether they slept with you or in a cot. What will matter the whole life of your child is the quality of your connection with them. So forget the perfect decisions and instead focus on connection with your baby and meeting them where they are.

Oh and a more practical one: if your baby hates sleeping in their back they may have silent reflux. Both my boys sleep on their tummy.
Yes it's against the advice but they were in pain and discomfort on their backs.

The doctor is not always right.

I agree the first few weeks can be tough (not for everyone) and it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. You are just on a massive learning curve whilst recovering from the huge physical experience of pregnancy and birth.

My Mum says in her memory my childhood was divided into two stages - the first six weeks and the next bit!

So if that's you be really gentle on yourself, get back into bed or hit the sofa with your baby, let everyone else look after you, and trust that as your body recovers and you bond with your baby you will eventually be ready to get up and face the world together.

I’ve had 8 and I’ve only just realised I will never be the perfect mother I imagined I would be and my house will never be clean enough, by the time it will be they won’t be here anymore and I’ll miss them 😢

also I’m going against the people who said get an epidural, just see what happens. Have one if you need one but I never did! Not everyone does.

Don't feel bad if you don't have a rush of love for your baby - it'll come at some point (around the 4 month mark for me, after PPD).
Discuss with your other half so they know the signs too.

Do lovely things with your other half before baby comes. Cinema, meals out, day trips etc.

Milk is milk (I was made to feel like a terrible mum because I had no milk coming out - my HV tutted and rolled her eyes when I said, through tears, I'd had to use formula).

Babies cry. Some more than others, but they all cry. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Don't fret about sleep crutches, routines, getting baby to nap in a cot, sleep in their own bed or anything like that. I did all that with my first and it was so stressful and wasted so much time. I was much more chilled with my second and it was so much better. We just went with the flow and everyone was more relaxed and happier.

All babies will find a way to shit over the most expensive item of clothing you put them in, meanwhile the hand me down Primark vest will remain unscathed.

To know that on day 3/4 after you have had the baby, you might be very emotional and want to cry all day. Do not panic it is normal. I wish I had been told about it before, and not on day 3 when I thought I was losing my mind.

Buy zip front sleep suits for the first few weeks. I did so many night nappy changes fiddling with bloody poppers and by the time I realised about the zips it was a bit late!

I combi feed but use ready made formula bottles as it’s a small amount, so never gave my baby warmed milk. He takes it at room temp, makes life very easy! I so nearly bought a perfect prep but we have never needed it. Worth a try!

if you think you might breastfeed make an Amazon basket with essentials like silver cups, lansinoh, nipple shields that you may want ready to go. i found I needed lots of bits to help in the early weeks but hadn’t bought them as wasn’t sure if I’d be able to BF.

congratulations:-)

A thermal mug within reach can save your sanity. Don't underestimate the value of a hot drink when you can't go and get one.

Completely normal if you don't bond with your baby straight away . It will come if it doesn't happen straight away. If someone asks if they can help and they can then just accept help. (They tend to offer less when it's baby number 2 so milk it 😂) and congratulations! It's so hard but really is worth it you are going to be fine x

Buy plenty of nipple pads! I genuinely didn’t expect to actually have milk dripping from my tits after my first one🙈! Safe to say one box was gone through after a day/two! Congratulations btw 🥰

Absolutely agree with parent the child you have, not the one you wanted or expected to have!

Don't worry if you don't feel the amazing rush of love/total connection with your new baby straightaway - took a few weeks with my first, and I beat myself up for being an awful person because I didn't love my baby enough. Developed an amazing bond, but it took a little while for me to adjust to my new life.

More frivolously, buy two matching Christmas stockings but never let you child know this. Then you can fill the spare sticking and swap them over in the middle of the night, rather than risking two trips into the room of incredibly light sleeping, excited child on Christmas Eve. Playing Father Christmas is one of the most stressful parts of my year!! 😂

Trust your instincts when it comes to what is best for your baby.

Be kind to yourself.

Don’t try and do everything and be everything to everyone.

Let the house work standards slide.

Some babies sleep and some babies just need less sleep. Doesn't mean good habits are a waste of time but having this mind set will help on a days where nothing seems to work.

A good habit from birth - help your baby understand day vs night. At night it's dark and quiet and during the day even if you baby is sleeping - they need day light.

Lastly happy mum - happy baby. You are important too

having just had my second:

1. the weeks afterwards can be incredibly intense - birth recovery, baby seems to be nocturnal/sleeps constantly but only for an hour at a time, and you are going through a major major life change

but every stage is short and will pass before you know it - you will not have a five year old kid still sleeping on and off every hour and pooing ten times a day!

2.linked to the above but lower your expectations because you could be the most organised person before baby but what you can or can’t do in those early weeks will depend on the baby you have

they could sleep well in long stretches allowing you to tick off every single thing on your to do list - or they may not. Or they could sleep well one day and sleep poorly the next.

your role in those early weeks/months is to simply look after and get to know your baby- if you get through nothing else you will still have achieved what you need to - and you not being able to do what you hear other mums do is not a reflection on you at all

• focus on your mental health: so if breastfeeding is too hard or cooking weaning foods from scratch isn’t working because baby is spitting them out after one bite - it’s ok to do it your own way.

• Don’t compare to other mums - everyone has their hood and bad days - literally every mother.

You can't spoil a baby, hold them close for as long as you both want.

Sleep wherever/whenever you both can.

The days are endless, the years fleeting. A retired GP who did my 6 week check said his only regret was not spending more time with his children when they were small.

It's okay to put the baby down in a safe place and collect yourself. Far better than the alternative.

Enjoy, enjoy. It's the most monumental thing that's ever happened to me.

Trust your gut, throw away the baby books, don't feel pressured that your baby needs to be doing things at the same rate as others around you, and most important RELAX and enjoy it all. The days pass by too quickly.