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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for tips from mothers?

219 replies

AlmostaMamma · 27/02/2023 15:52

I’m pregnant with our first and super excited. Also slightly terrified. All the feels. 😊

To all the mums on here, I’d love to know - what’s the one piece of solid gold advice you wish someone had given you when you were expecting your first baby? It might be something about giving birth, a seemingly inane life tip, or a life changing realisation you’ve had since becoming a mum, but please share.

OP posts:
Dottylotti · 27/02/2023 20:10

Congratulations!

You can't spoil a newborn.
Go with your gut, try not to Google too much.

No one is a perfect parent, as much as Instagram would try to make you believe.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 27/02/2023 20:15

  1. if there’s two parents don’t be a martyr you don’t need to do it all

  2. sleep deprivation is really fucking hard, take it in shifts, agree that you each get a lie in on a sat and sun. Sleep when you can get it, housework can wait

  3. fresh air will always make you feel better

  4. eat! Don’t forget to eat!

  5. the days and nights where the baby will only sleep on you or your partner don’t sweat it, yes it’s really bloody tough, but those days won’t last for long, soak them up

❤️

chelle0 · 27/02/2023 20:16

When the baby naps, do something you can't do when they are awake. You time.

And don't listen to people's birth horror stories. Everyone loves to tell about their horrific birth but it isn't always.

Your baby, your rules. Don't be forced into doing anything you don't want to do.

GingerLiberalFeminist · 27/02/2023 20:17

My little one is 10 weeks old and the thing I wish I'd learned is setting boundaries with people as to how I raise my child. There's a ton of unasked for advice and imposition. Start practicing now!

Thepossibility · 27/02/2023 20:19

Raspberry leaf tea in pregnancy.
I was recommended this with my first and it gave me quicker labour for sure. My middle son should have been a c-section but I still managed to push him out.
Ice condoms for after birth.
Just continuously putting them on the boob whenever they fussed.
It made a happy bub and a happy mum with plenty of milk.

AhoyThereShipmates · 27/02/2023 20:21

Absolutely force your husband to do 50% of the parenting and 50% of the housework.

Don’t quit your job.

tothelefttotheleft · 27/02/2023 20:21

Thepossibility · 27/02/2023 20:19

Raspberry leaf tea in pregnancy.
I was recommended this with my first and it gave me quicker labour for sure. My middle son should have been a c-section but I still managed to push him out.
Ice condoms for after birth.
Just continuously putting them on the boob whenever they fussed.
It made a happy bub and a happy mum with plenty of milk.

What's an ice condom? For your vulva after birth

Hesma · 27/02/2023 20:25

Buy proper chunky maternity pads, not the slim line ones. Store in freezer if you’re tender after stitches (you might not be, I wasn’t).

Let people help but don’t let them take over.

TrevorOptions · 27/02/2023 20:27

get The best phone you can afford and take lots of photos with it. Kids grow so quick !

Don’t compare and don’t compete, just enjoy your kid.

thirdistheonewiththehairychest · 27/02/2023 20:27

They cry a lot. Your baby isn't broken. It's just what they do.

FebMama · 27/02/2023 20:27

As a mum to a 4 week old, I am finding a lot of comfort in this thread!

2ndTimeRound90 · 27/02/2023 20:30

Now that I've a second baby I wish I could go back and tell FTM me just to chill out a bit more about it all. Stop sweating over nap schedules, feed schedules, recording feeds/naps in apps, obsessing over weaning checklists, etc and just go with the flow a bit more. Ultimately it all is a load of short, ever-changing phases and it works out eventually. You blink and it's a couple of years on and they don't nap anymore anyway. You covered every possible food type known to man and they still end up a beige eating fussy toddler. Easy to say in hindsight of course 😊

eatdrinkandbemerry · 27/02/2023 20:31

Buy big knickers for after the birth 🤣.
Comfort over style 🤷‍♀️

Thepossibility · 27/02/2023 20:34

@totothelefttotheleft ice condoms are a condom with water in it and frozen. It's sits in your knickers and I found the cold relief lasts longer than the frozen pads.

GingerLiberalFeminist · 27/02/2023 20:37

Oh, get a waterproof sheet for your grown up bed. Even if you don't co-sleep (which brings nappy leaks and posset in the bed) your nipples will leak, you'll be bleeding, basically all the bodily fluids.

Macaroni46 · 27/02/2023 20:48

Be kind to yourself. Don't be a martyr. It's ok not to breastfeed. It's ok not to focus on the baby 100% of the time. Don't compare yourself or baby to others. Don't lose sight of yourself.

Ihatewinding · 27/02/2023 20:53

Get a spare bouncer to have in the bathroom - dramatically increased the likelihood of me showering on a daily basis and feeling much more human! Ideally quite upright so can stick in straight after a feed, especially if a refluxy baby.

Have numbers ready for well-reviewed lactation consultants ahead of time so if wanting to breastfeed can get sorted quickly. Don't rely on midwives/doctors to pick up tongue ties (also be aware these are a thing! I wasn't when had my baby).

Have a 2-3 brands of nappies in first size as different babies can react with bad nappy rash to different brands, and you might not feel up to shopping around at the start.

Good luck!

BadlydoneHelen · 27/02/2023 20:54

Buy baby clothes off Vinted- you will get lovely, hardly worn things for a few pounds.

Moonicorn · 27/02/2023 20:55

Macaroni46 · 27/02/2023 20:48

Be kind to yourself. Don't be a martyr. It's ok not to breastfeed. It's ok not to focus on the baby 100% of the time. Don't compare yourself or baby to others. Don't lose sight of yourself.

I agree. Weirdly it is actually better for the baby to have this approach as you won’t be constantly in a low level of stress around them, needing ‘breaks’ constantly and so on. They’ll be used to seeing a relaxed, smiling face not a tired and strained one.

pensionconfusion · 27/02/2023 21:04

All babies are different. Spend time with yours and learn from them.

Don't worry if they don't do things by the time the books say they should. Most get there in their own time.

shakeitoffsis · 27/02/2023 21:08

Your child will not suffer if you need to go for a shower and they cry then so be it. A clean and fresh mother can make the world of difference to your day.

SingingSands · 27/02/2023 21:16

"Get in the photos"

Even if you're tired, or haven't washed your hair or don't like how you look. It doesn't matter - one day you'll be glad to have them to look back on.

Congratulations 🎉

MissingGrandstand · 27/02/2023 21:22

Buy puppy pads from pets at home (cheaper than home bargains) and use these for changes and under cot sheets so you aren't constantly cleaning.

PND doesn't just hit immediately after birth. I was fine for 9 months post birth then couldn't understand why I suddenly felt like a total failure. Hint: it was PND.

Postnatal bleeding in the first week is not like a period. Raise any concerns with your health visitor (who should be asking about your welfare as well as your baby), but be prepared to hear "oh the old golf ball comparison is irrelevant, we say not to worry about anything smaller than a baseball nowadays."

As @Thelnebriati said, sorry to lower the tone 😂

Billydaffodil · 27/02/2023 21:25

Trust your instincts.

Look up '4th trimester'.

Look for the magic in each day.

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 27/02/2023 21:27

Buy puppy pads from pets at home (cheaper than home bargains) and use these for changes and under cot sheets so you aren't constantly cleaning.

Please do not do this. Puppy pads are not safe for baby to sleep on because of the material. It is not breathable and is very dangerous.