To ask for tips from mothers?

[AlmostaMamma]

I’m pregnant with our first and super excited. Also slightly terrified. All the feels. 😊

To all the mums on here, I’d love to know - what’s the one piece of solid gold advice you wish someone had given you when you were expecting your first baby? It might be something about giving birth, a seemingly inane life tip, or a life changing realisation you’ve had since becoming a mum, but please share.

Get as much secondhand as you possibly can. We have managed to find pretty much all clothes, a rocking chair, jumperoo, loads of books, our prams all secondhand for a fraction of the price. If you can find the right local WA/FB groups you may be able to find things like breast pumps and reusable nappies too.

Two things:

1. it will pass. Good or bad, it will pass. They will stop screaming / start talking / get a hang of the potty, but they will also stop throwing themselves on you for a cuddle.
2. Amazon Prime will still work after you come home from the hospital.

relinquish control.

you can't control the birth, the feeding, the sleep and so much more.

the sooner you come to terms with that, the easier you'll find it and happier you'll be.

and just do whatever works for YOUR family.

Pick your battles.

a mess can be cleaned up after bed time
you do not need to clean all of the house everday

sleep as much as you can

It is ok to have time for yourself

It is ok not to feel a rush of love right away.
count to 10 and breathe- often
do not compare yourself as a mother or your dc to others
when it gets tough, put baby somewhere safe and take a moment
eat chocolate
enjoy as it really does go quickly.

Breastfeeding is bloody hard, and it's ok if it doesn't work for you and your baby.

Tiny babies cry for no reason sometimes.

You'll start having properly fun times when your baby is around 5 months old, and by a year old they're a proper hoot.

The post partum phase is intense. You will start feeling like yourself again, just give it time.

Best of luck and enjoy xx

Involve your partner and make them an equal parent. Don't just do all the nappies/nights alone.

We bottle fed at night from the beginning and then did every other night with the baby. That meant both my partner and I got an uninterrupted full nights sleep which made parenting much much easier. If you're breastfeeding still work something out where your partner can help.

If your partner can take a month paternity leave do it.

And the newborn phase is hard, but after around 8 - 10 weeks it all gets easier quite quickly. So hang in there.

Also if you buy sleepsuits try to get some that are for long-legged babies. Otherwise they get outgrown quickly if you have a taller baby. John lewis do some.

And don't buy a nuna pushchair. If you want a travel system get a bugaboo or uppababy vista. What I would do if I could go back is avoid the travel system altogether and get a babyzen yoyo from the get go, with the newborn bassinet attachment.

Prepare for the birth you don’t want, not the one you do want.

If you want to breastfeed, read about it beforehand and have the numbers of your nearest IBCLC and a community support group in your phone.

Take all of the pain relief. During and after birth. Do not he fobbed off with 2 paracetamol.

OP most of this is about learning to say no effectively. This is a time of life when people try women’s boundaries a lot. Learn what you need from the people around you and enforce it.

• Don’t allow people to bully you or judge you about things you do in childbirth or the early weeks of motherhood. It’s all bullshit. Have pain relief if you need it, don’t if you don’t. Try to breastfeed but don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen. Your baby will be fine.
• Be as kind to yourself as you can in those early weeks. It’s tough and you need all the energy and resilience you can get.
• Housework can take a back seat for a bit. As long as you and your child are fed and reasonably clean not much else matters.
• As a PP said, do not become the default parent just because you’re on mat leave. Your husband or partner needs to get used to this as soon as possible.
• Don’t feel you need to allow a stream of visitors in to see your baby before you’re ready.

Everything is a phase. You will sleep again! 😅

The days are long but the years are short. I never believed this until my daughter was about 4, but it's true.

Don't worry about going to classes, seeing relatives, going out, resuming 'normal' life when you have your little one...unless it's what you really want to do. Rest and enjoy your baby x

Don’t feel you need to allow a stream of visitors in to see your baby before you’re ready.

Have to second this. If you have people pushing to visit and being put out if they can't come straight away, be firm with them, or appoint your partner or a friend to handle it firmly as you might feel wobbly. And if they are there, don't be scared to say "I need you to go now as I'm too tired."

I would get very hormonal and weepy sometimes and I hated having visitors round and just wanting to cry, or grab the chance for a sleep when the baby was asleep, but was too overwhelmed to say what I needed. With my second I was a lot firmer.

Get out the house as much as you can. Will be fantastic for both your mental health and be great for the little one. But also don’t feel guilty for spending those first few months relaxing and taking it easy.

Dont pressure yourselves with visitors. When we first got home from hospital my MIL ( who I adore) stayed for 3 hours. Was very overwhelming.

We’re currently expecting again and I think it’s best to have 1 hour time slots for visitors.

You also don’t need to buy all the gadgets and expensive ones at that. Babies don’t care and aren’t really interested. X

Sleep as much as you can. My DS was a terrible sleeper and yet I still tried to squeeze in chores and things on the occasions he did sleep. I was sick with exhaustion and went a bit mad.

It is very hard. You are recovering from birth and you've got this tiny vulnerable human depending on you. I found it overwhelming. It takes 6 months to recover from the birth so be kind to yourself.

It was and is an amazing experience. He is my favourite person in the world. Even now all 6ft 1 of him and I still see my baby!

Never think that a sanitary towel is an alternative to a maternity pad when you’ve had stitches. The pain walking was horrendous after 5 mins - I was out.
Remember you don’t have to be the perfect mum. Things will not always go right, when they don’t be kind to yourself.

Look after your teeth during pregnancy.

Look after yourself after birth. If pos get your partner to take the baby out regularly so you can shower, drink a cup of tea and relax.
Don't feel guilty about doing this.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jan/24/mum-watched-me-correct-my-husband-then-sagely-warned-me-dont-become-the-expert-in-the-baby

This.

If you have stitches and it hurts to pee, press a clean wet flannel against yourself and pee into that. And if you get piles put your Anusol in the fridge.
Sorry to lower the tone

The days are long(often very long!) but the years are short. You are going to be a parent for far longer than you can imagine now, Pace yourself.
I made every mistake in the book when DD was a baby. She turned out fine and doesn't remember!
Good luck and look after yourself.

It’s ok to sit about and watch TV or sleep during the first 12 weeks, if you don’t want to go out then don’t. I feel I got forced out to mum groups and ‘stuff’ it made me feel so overwhelmed and depressed, I wish I’d just say about and enjoyed the first few weeks.

Make contact with other people with new babies then you can all share your experiences and you'll have a safe space to admit you haven't got a clue what you're doing!

Just breathe. I was petrified with my eldest, couldn't put him down in case he started crying. Even scared to go to the loo without him!!! Don't panic if you can't breastfeed either. And don't be afraid to ask for help. You are not alone in this x good luck with the bubba 💕

If you shout at your kid your kid will shout at you. Be a no shouting household as a rule.

Chilled mum will most likely make chill children.

I refused to get stressed with my second after learning from the first. Everything passes. “This too shall pass” was my mantra for all difficult times.

1. Get an epidural.

1. Make time to shower every day when you are on maternity leave, whether that means getting up and doing it before your other half leaves for work, or parking your baby in the bouncer on the bathroom floor while you're washing your hair.

1. Don't set yourself up as the default parent. If at all possible, get your other half to take parental leave even if it means you go back to work sooner.

1. If you can get your baby comfortable with taking a bottle and being looked after by their dad (and ideally other trusted people such as close family) you will have more freedom in the early years.

1. Get one of those Tommy Tippee nappy bins (which are cheap as chips) but don't get the fancy expensive twisty bag refills to go with them. Normal bin bags work fine.

Definitely follow your instincts