To ask for tips from mothers?

[AlmostaMamma]

I’m pregnant with our first and super excited. Also slightly terrified. All the feels. 😊

To all the mums on here, I’d love to know - what’s the one piece of solid gold advice you wish someone had given you when you were expecting your first baby? It might be something about giving birth, a seemingly inane life tip, or a life changing realisation you’ve had since becoming a mum, but please share.

If you go back to work you can book actual days off!

Make mum friends.

There is a secret new parent club where everyone is suddenly super nice to you and understanding of the challenges (no, really!) When I went back to work everyone was so kind and understanding, friends totally understood when I was overwhelmed, it was honestly just the warmest hug of my life.

You won't love every moment and that's ok.

The baby can cry for a bit if it's safe if you need to shower or eat or cry.

Dont get obsessed with baby weight or be disappointed if your baby has lost weight after birth. Mine had been breastfeeding all the time and I cried when I found out she had lost 10% of her weight. It was ok. We got a feeding plan and EBF for ages. You arent failing your baby.

It's so hard but it is actual magic becoming a mum X

Don’t keep baby all to yourself and be the gatekeeper of parental perfection. This will bite you on the bum when you’re aching for an hour to yourself but your DP has realised he’s surplus to requirements and has chosen to master the Xbox as that’s all you’ll let him do. Let dad bond and make his own mistakes.

Remember your baby is an individual in their own right. They’ll have their own unique personality and temperament. You’re nurturing them but one day they’ll grow up and may be completely different to you. That’s ok.

Don’t compare yourself and your child to other mothers and babies. Everyone gets there at their own pace and the ones who seem to have mastered it and look like yummy mummies with everything going on - that’s never the full and frank picture. Don’t compare someone’s show reel to your back of house.

Get them a balance bike as soon as they start toddling.

It takes a village to raise a child - let family and friends bond and spend time getting to know your child. It really enriches life for everyone.

Limit visitors - it's so tempting to have everyone over but allow yourself time to bond with your baby and recover from the birth .
Don't worry too much about baby groups, milestones etc

• baby groups can be great company for you getting to know other parents but are really not essential if you don't like them

Young babies do put a strain on a lot of relationships so be prepared for a big adjustment (in my case it gets a lot better as the kids grow up but the early years I slightly hated dh) Babies don't need loads of activities and stimulation so don't worry if a lot of the early months you are trapped under a sleeping baby on the sofa watching your fave tv shows Personally I was not prepared for how much I always wanted to be with my baby (eg didn't want to leave them with anyone) - not the case for everyone but bear it in mind if making plans in the first year or two

EVERYTHING IS A PHASE! when it’s tough just remember it’s a small phase and it will pass

We're just existing sometimes

The one thing I’d say is don’t beat yourself up if you can’t breastfeed or baby can’t breastfeed.

We all start off with the best intentions. I went to classes and thought it would be a breeze. It wasn’t. I couldn’t provide DD1 the milk she needed. I had a ‘breastfeeding holiday’ the lot, I tried so hard. She lost weight. I felt like a crap mum and descended into PND.

DD2 - I thought I’d try, but she had tongue tie and found it hard to latch on. So I got her formula.

DD3 - had colostrum and then straight to the bottle (with no guilt).

My DDs are now 16, 12 and ten. They’re all doing fine.

Oh and take your own food for the birth - you literally get a slice of toast afterwards!

(To be fair that was 16 years ago, maybe it’s better now).

Go to in-person antenatal classes in your local area - you’ll meet your best mum friend there

Pack your hospital bag early

Vests and sleepsuits are all you need to buy - baby outfits will be covered by gifts, and you won’t use them that much

Read more about breastfeeding than the birth!

The first several weeks are the hardest. Frontload any parental leave and get partner to take annual leave too

Trust yourself - you will receive a lot of bad and contradictory advice from health professionals

‘Trust yourself - you will receive a lot of bad and contradictory advice from health professionals’

Absolutely this! When I struggled to breast feed DD1 I was told to double my calorie intake, eat a bar of Dairy Milk each day and the grossest one (which, like the others, I did 🤢) was to have a Guinness and milk ‘milkshake’ twice a day. It was vile - and didn’t work (woah what a surprise).

After hours and hours of Googling I found a certain brand of reflux tablet that - if taken in sufficient quantity - could induce lactation.

I didn’t work for me but at least there was some sort of scientific study behind the theory 😂

OMG @PopGoesTheProsecco that is terrible advice

I should say OP: if you’re planning to breastfeed, join the Breastfeeding and Lactation Support UK group on Facebook now and you’ll learn so much - it has advice from qualified lactation consultants who actually know their stuff unlike a lot of midwives and health visitors unfortunately

(such as: diet does not make a difference to the quality of your breastmilk! Also CMPA is massively overdiagnosed in EBF babies, cluster feeding is totally normal, etc etc)

Ignore everyone who talks about their kids sleep. You either get one that sleeps or you don't. I've had three of the sods and I could write a Bible long essay on the "advice" I've been given to make them sleep. Not sure what drove me more crazy- the sleep deprivation or the constant "advice" or smug "mine sleeps 23 hours a day" comments...

Don't start your baby's life by being quiet when they nap or sleep. You're setting yourself up for years of tip toeing around for hours every day.

Put music on, vacuum, keep making noise. I could vacuum the sofa whilst my babies were asleep on it, meanwhile at my BFriends house, you couldn't even flick the kettle on without her threatening to kill you!

Throw money at sleep aids if you have spare cash.

It's ALL about the sleep.

The vests with envelope necks have envelope necks for a reason.

They fold down so you can take them off downwards without getting poo in your baby’s hair.

I found this out when my youngest was FIVE FFS

You can have a shower.

I can see that now but as a new mum I took everything that midwives and HVs as gospel - they were the experts in my eyes. And I was so desperate to do ‘everything right’.

I had horrendous problems BF at first - agonising pain, mastitis and underfed baby who couldn't latch. As PPs have said, I had endless contradictory advice until finally a specialist BF counsellor I saw on a hospital visit took one look and said "your nipples are big and the baby's mouth is too small, it will be OK from 6-7 weeks, keep trying". She was right. They just struggled until they got a bit bigger - both times. But loads of midwives, HV, GP etc had said other things.

I had to pump and bottle feed, and supplement with formula, until then and after that BF became easy. So I agree with PPs, don't beat yourself up if it's a struggle - there can be many reasons for this, it's not a failure and formula isn't the devil's work (and doesn't have to mean you can't BF at all).

In general, a huge reason for new mums struggling and sometimes getting PND, is feeling like a failure, over the birth, pain relief, feeding, the baby crying, etc. But you don't need to – you have to find your way and it isn't always easy or straightforward, but that's OK and not "failing".

omg so true! I had forgotten all about that part! I was just 19 when I had my first.

Afterwards, my stomach area felt like like some odd semi deflated balloon! I remember laying in the bed squeezing it around as it just seemed so strange to be stretched to nearly exploding one minute and the next the weird deflated balloon thing!

I love the cuppa tea and jam on toast after birth 😋 best cuppa and toast ever

I wish someone had warned me how emotionally intense my milk coming in would be. With my first it happened on the evening of day 3 and all of that day I had a feeling like PMT but multiplied by 10. As soon as my milk turned to actual milk rather than colostrum the feeling vanished. My NCT leader had said day 3 could be bad for "baby blues" but I wasn't prepared for it to be anything like that bad.

If you're someone who likes routine you can try and follow a routine with your newborn. If you're someone who likes every day to be different, you don't actually have to get your baby on a strict schedule for the first few months.

If they cry or are bored or grumpy - take them outside or put them in water.