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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this trip isn't really worth it?

310 replies

Funkyslippers · 27/02/2023 10:19

DD1 is at uni 200 miles away. She's due back for couple of weeks at Easter. She wants us to travel up with DD2 to meet her new boyfriend then we'd stay the night then drive back with her the next day. OH and I think it's a long journey to just meet her boyfriend for a couple of hours (on a bad day could take up to nearly 6 hours 1 way) plus expensive for us in petrol and accommodation for 3 people especially as she's coming home anyway. She says it would be cheaper for her if we drove as no train fare for her but we'd contribute to her train fare anyway. She reckons it's the only time in quite a while we'd get to meet him as he's working abroad for a few months. They've been together about 2 months but she's besotted. Would like some views please

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 27/02/2023 10:21

I wouldn't, you can meet via video call.

Lamelie · 27/02/2023 10:21

If you can afford the cost and time, go for it. Kids at uni get a lot of social capital from having involved families.
It’s lovely that she wants you to meet him.

Twizbe · 27/02/2023 10:22

I prob would, but then I'm married to the boyfriend I met in my first year at uni 20 years ago....

Thistooshallpsss · 27/02/2023 10:23

I would because my lovely daughter wants me to.

skgnome · 27/02/2023 10:25

sounds Like she really wants a lift back
or… is she quite young and it’s her first formal relationship?
economically and logistically it doesn’t make sense
but if you have the time and the money, it maybe a good idea, if only just to be involved with her, she’s obviously wanting to involve you on her life, and she’s at a time where a lot of people just go on with their life…
do you need to come back straight away? Can you do a long family weekend out of it?
it can actually be good for the whole family

fruitbrewhaha · 27/02/2023 10:26

No I wouldn’t. If he’s away for a few months they may not even be together by the time he gets back.

Might she just be asking so she doesn’t have to get the train home with a heavy bag?

MindPalace · 27/02/2023 10:26

No brainer for me - if my DD valued me enough to want me to meet her bf, I’d be delighted and be excited to meet him, whatever length the drive.

Flamingogirl08 · 27/02/2023 10:28

If you're able to and your daughter really wants this I can't see why you wouldn't to be honest

MamOfFive · 27/02/2023 10:29

No I wouldn't, they've been together for two months and he's about to go away for a few months chances are they probably won't be together by the end of the year.

Singularity82 · 27/02/2023 10:30

No way. Makes no sense in any way, shape or form. I agree she just wants a lift back and the relationship is very unlikely to last anyway. Meet him on FaceTime and send her the train fare home.

coodawoodashooda · 27/02/2023 10:31

MindPalace · 27/02/2023 10:26

No brainer for me - if my DD valued me enough to want me to meet her bf, I’d be delighted and be excited to meet him, whatever length the drive.

I agree.

beachcitygirl · 27/02/2023 10:32

No brainer - I absolutely would & be utterly delighted we're so close she would want me to meet her new love.

chipswitheveryting · 27/02/2023 10:32

Meet him via video call, you can meet him face to face in the future

Mindymomo · 27/02/2023 10:34

We’ve been waiting since 2019 to meet our sons gf as she lives up north. He’s met her family a few times. If invited we would make the journey as it’s getting embarrassing now, when people ask what she’s like.

StopFeckingFaffing · 27/02/2023 10:34

As others have said if my DD actively wanted me to meet her BF then I would want to make it happen unless there were really good reasons not to (eg you genuinely can't afford the overnight stay)

MasterBeth · 27/02/2023 10:35

Thistooshallpsss · 27/02/2023 10:23

I would because my lovely daughter wants me to.

So glad you wrote this.

Student/adult children on Mumsnet can often feel like a terrible burden that parents want rid of as soon as possible. My son's at Uni 150 miles away. We love when we are invited down to see him and that he still wants us to be part of his life.

UdoU · 27/02/2023 10:35

She wants you to drive a 12 hour round trip for the pleasure of meeting boyf for 2 hours. Fuck that. I agree with pp, she wants a lift home.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 27/02/2023 10:36

Well we do a lot of things for our kids that aren't economically or time viable don't we, including having them in the first place.

Go. She wants you to meet someone important to her and she wants to show you around/off AND she's including her sister. Gold dust, that is.

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 27/02/2023 10:38

Another one in the no brainer, definitely would camp. In fact, both Mrs Unicorn and I have done longer round trips for Little Unicorns 1 and 2 over the last few years for similar reasons!

Sharpbridge · 27/02/2023 10:41

I would go, but tell her that I’m not willing to drive 12 hrs within a couple of days, so I’d suggest you visit for 2-3 nights and do a bit of sightseeing while there.

It’s interesting that she’s asked you to meet him when he’s about to go away for longer than they’ve been together. It feels like she’s trying to demonstrate to him how committed she is to the relationship “see my parents came all this way to see you, see how serious I am about you, please wait for me and don’t shag someone else overseas.”

Oohhhh · 27/02/2023 10:44

I would. If my DD valued our opinion this much I wouldnt shut that down.

GoodChat · 27/02/2023 10:45

It's clearly important to her. I'd go.

Isthisexpected · 27/02/2023 10:46

Sounds like she just wants a lift home!

WTF475878237NC · 27/02/2023 10:47

It feels like she’s trying to demonstrate to him how committed she is to the relationship “see my parents came all this way to see you, see how serious I am about you, please wait for me and don’t shag someone else overseas.”

^ yep. Has nothing to do with your opinion.

Inastatus · 27/02/2023 10:47

MindPalace · 27/02/2023 10:26

No brainer for me - if my DD valued me enough to want me to meet her bf, I’d be delighted and be excited to meet him, whatever length the drive.

This.