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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this trip isn't really worth it?

310 replies

Funkyslippers · 27/02/2023 10:19

DD1 is at uni 200 miles away. She's due back for couple of weeks at Easter. She wants us to travel up with DD2 to meet her new boyfriend then we'd stay the night then drive back with her the next day. OH and I think it's a long journey to just meet her boyfriend for a couple of hours (on a bad day could take up to nearly 6 hours 1 way) plus expensive for us in petrol and accommodation for 3 people especially as she's coming home anyway. She says it would be cheaper for her if we drove as no train fare for her but we'd contribute to her train fare anyway. She reckons it's the only time in quite a while we'd get to meet him as he's working abroad for a few months. They've been together about 2 months but she's besotted. Would like some views please

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 27/02/2023 12:59

ItchyBillco · 27/02/2023 12:54

There’s some mega indulgent parents on this thread. I was admittedly the youngest of four, but this level of indulgence form parents is not something I recognise 😆

It was the norm for most parents to collect uni students at the end of the academic year when I was at uni. Very few had cars and so we had to get all our stuff home.

The fact the so many have cars now indicates a level of indulgence I don't recognise.

TheOrigRights · 27/02/2023 13:02

Aprilx · 27/02/2023 12:57

When I lived in SW London and travelled to Manchester, it was about 200 miles but it absolutely could take 6 hours because of getting around London. It might be a worst case scenario, but very easily possible.

Show quote history

I guess if you have no choice but to leave at rush hour then yes, that journey could be hideous.
If that's the only choice the OP has then no, I wouldn't do it.

ThreeLittleDots · 27/02/2023 13:03

It was the norm for most parents to collect uni students at the end of the academic year when I was at uni

It's not the end of the academic year.

Eatentoomanyroses · 27/02/2023 13:04

She sounds a bit desperate to put her stamp on him because he’s going off. Unlikely to end well. I wouldn’t be party to it even without the journey. 2 months is very early to be introducing to family. Has he introduced her to his parents?

Original poster
Funkyslippers · 27/02/2023 13:04

Thanks for all the replies. Just to say I saw her last Saturday, for a month at Christmas, and October half term so I do see her quite often. This is her first serious boyfriend. It wouldn't normally take 6 hours to get there but it did at October half term, worst case scenario but I'm still getting over the horrendous journey! There won't be another chance to meet him for quite a few months but of course it could have fizzled out by then and I don't even know if he's too bothered about meeting us so early on anyway!

OP posts:
pontipinemum · 27/02/2023 13:05

You know your DD best. If you think she is just trying to bag a free lift I'd send her the train fare.

If you think she wants you to have a glimpse into her uni life I would be there in a heartbeat. My parents/ family never visited me at uni. But I remember friends parents coming and taking them places and thinking that's nice.

Pigeonchested · 27/02/2023 13:09

If she is at Exeter or Plymouth university it could well take 6 hours. The M5 around school holidays is horrendous.

I would still go though. Sounds like a fun weekend. The pp who said the daughter was being a ‘brat’ sounds vile.

Bayleaf25 · 27/02/2023 13:10

Assuming you can afford it I’d definitely go. DS is a similar distance away (it’s never taken anywhere near 6 hours). I’d be touched he wanted me to go. I wouldn’t go all the time but a once in a while would be ok.

Eatentoomanyroses · 27/02/2023 13:12

@Funkyslippers if he’s not that bothered about meeting you and he’s going away for a few months he may not be serious in which case I’d be saving the trip for when she needs cheering up!

icefishing · 27/02/2023 13:12

200 miles really isn't that far.
If your dd wants you in her life I would be there.
My parents offered me little help and now we really aren't close.
My MIL was much more caring and we are definitely pretty close.

ThreeLittleDots · 27/02/2023 13:14

The pp who said the daughter was being a ‘brat’ sounds vile

What does calling me 'vile' add to this discussion apart from personal attack?

I think it's obvious from OP's posts that she thinks the DD is trying it on.

Beachhutnut · 27/02/2023 13:17

I absolutely would, but would stay a few more days/ go somewhere else en-route to make it a little break

Spiderboy · 27/02/2023 13:18

At that age I was more self aware and wouldn’t have asked at all - it’s a lot of expense for 1 night.
I would offer to book a weekend to properly stay and look around at some point in the future

yhjn84 · 27/02/2023 13:18

@ThreeLittleDots which part of the OP's posts make it sound like she's trying it on exactly? Have you read different posts to me?

Showdogworkingdog · 27/02/2023 13:19

I would because they asked me to. It’s increasingly rare they ask me to go anywhere with them now so I wouldn’t want to discourage that by appearing uninterested when they do ask. My DC are 22 and almost 18.

I may be feeling slightly sore about this. My almost 18 year old DS went off on a residential school trip this morning. Had to be dropped at school at 2.30am. There’s me and DH bleary eyed, waiting for him to get in the car at 2am and he says to me “What are you coming for as well? There will be no waving off.”

😒

Tbf, he did text me an hour ago to thank me for putting money in his account so I think he feels bad about it. CF though.

ThreeLittleDots · 27/02/2023 13:21

which part of the OP's posts make it sound like she's trying it on exactly

I'll pick out the points that stand out to me in particular...

She says it would be cheaper for her if we drove as no train fare for her

I don't even know if he's too bothered about meeting us so early on anyway

I saw her last Saturday, for a month at Christmas, and October half term so I do see her quite often

mast0650 · 27/02/2023 13:23

I understand all the posters saying they would do it because they want to be part of the child's life and to do things for them etc. It just seems that if the reason for the journey is to meet the boyfriend, it makes far more sense for one person (the boyfriend) to do the extra return trip than three people (parents and DD). So I'd only do it if the timing was such that he really couldn't squeeze it in before his trip abroad. My kids are both at uni and manage trips home for the holidays fine on the train or plane.

TheFretfulPorpentine · 27/02/2023 13:23

Get them to take the train half way, meet them at the station and take them out for lunch?

yhjn84 · 27/02/2023 13:25

@ThreeLittleDots so the 1st point fair enough in isolation, the 2nd, it's about the daughter not the bf she is "besotted" and wants her family to meet them and last point is irrelevant as it's about seeing the bf not the daughter, she'll be home either way.

TheOrigRights · 27/02/2023 13:25

ThreeLittleDots · 27/02/2023 13:03

It was the norm for most parents to collect uni students at the end of the academic year when I was at uni

It's not the end of the academic year.

Yes I know that, it was more a response to people saying they would not consider doing a 400 mile round trip...end of.

RagingWoke · 27/02/2023 13:26

If he's working away for a few months the cynic in me wouldn't expect the relationship to last.
It's a long trip and a lot of money for something that may make it more difficult for your dd should that happen.

However, if it's important to her and you can afford it/have the time then its a nice gesture. But she'd be contributing to fuel.

RunTowardsTheLight · 27/02/2023 13:26

It's up to you of course, but personally I would.

Lamelie · 27/02/2023 13:30

WoeBeCome · 27/02/2023 12:45

What do you mean by this?

Show quote history

I was waiting for someone to pick me up on this!
We’re social animals. Students are in a new and strange environment and they bond and connect with each other, amongst other things, their families. So x’s parent took us out for a meal, y’s uncle gave us the Netflix password, c’s sister has an eating disorder so we don’t have scales in the house, b’s brother is an extra in a film and has got us tickets to a Q&A.

familyissues12345 · 27/02/2023 13:30

Ah I'd be well chuffed if DS1 asked us to go and meet his girlfriend, he's so flipping secretive I don't think we'd meet anyone until a wedding Grin

So yes, I'd go! He's at Uni just under an hour away though..

ArrrMeHearties · 27/02/2023 13:32

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