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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this trip isn't really worth it?

310 replies

Funkyslippers · 27/02/2023 10:19

DD1 is at uni 200 miles away. She's due back for couple of weeks at Easter. She wants us to travel up with DD2 to meet her new boyfriend then we'd stay the night then drive back with her the next day. OH and I think it's a long journey to just meet her boyfriend for a couple of hours (on a bad day could take up to nearly 6 hours 1 way) plus expensive for us in petrol and accommodation for 3 people especially as she's coming home anyway. She says it would be cheaper for her if we drove as no train fare for her but we'd contribute to her train fare anyway. She reckons it's the only time in quite a while we'd get to meet him as he's working abroad for a few months. They've been together about 2 months but she's besotted. Would like some views please

OP posts:
PhillySub · 27/02/2023 10:48

All of that and she could dump him next term. 🤔😂

Burgess67A · 27/02/2023 10:50

Two months? No way I’d go!

GoodChat · 27/02/2023 10:50

PhillySub · 27/02/2023 10:48

All of that and she could dump him next term. 🤔😂

Or she could marry him. Who knows.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 27/02/2023 10:50

Is 200 miles really a 6 hr drive each way? That seems unlikely. if you don’t want to do it then don’t but that seems like you’re making excuses.

how old is DD2? Could you and DH go and just make a night of it.

or could he be invited you join you all for a couple of days for Easter when she’s coming anyway?

I think it’s sweet she asked & he wants to meet you.

museumum · 27/02/2023 10:50

I wouldn't have asked my parents to do this because they'd have said no. I learned early on to be independent and do the 'logical' thing (e.g get the train by myself when I moved 400miles away). As a result my parents and I have a loving but not particularly close relationship. I also have trouble letting anybody help or do 'nice things' like give lifts if there's a 'logical' public transport option.

TL:DR I would do it, and be glad she wanted me to.

yhjn84 · 27/02/2023 10:52

So I'm genuinely not a wishy-washy helicopter parent type at all, quite the opposite in fact, but if one of my sons wanted me that involved in their lives I would be thrilled and do the trip without any begrudging.

Hangupsrus · 27/02/2023 10:52

I think this would mean a lot to your dd even if she doesn't end up staying with her bf. I was at a uni many miles away from home years ago and have great memories of the times my parents came to get me. Sometimes they would stay over a night in a hotel for us to all go out for a meal at a nice restaurant, then I'd go back in the car with them the day after. I used to get the train back and forth as well in-between times a lot so I wasn't just using them as some pp are suggesting. The memories I have of those long rides homes (with stop offs for food etc) and the time I spent with my parents in the city of the university I was at, are happy memories over 20 years on.

Shoxfordian · 27/02/2023 10:54

I would because my parents would have done this for me

RainbowsTulipsChocolate · 27/02/2023 10:58

I would go, not because I was overly desperate to meet her BF but because I wanted to show her she’s still my everything. If you say no this time she may not ask next time.

JenniferBarkley · 27/02/2023 11:07

I think it's lovely that she wants you involved. Also I'm another who's married to the boy she met in first year.

I think I would have felt quite rejected by my parents if I had wanted to show them a bit of my life and they said no because the drive was too long. Make the effort, she's going to be an adult for a long time, don't push her away.

BalloonInvestigator · 27/02/2023 11:10

WTF475878237NC · 27/02/2023 10:47

It feels like she’s trying to demonstrate to him how committed she is to the relationship “see my parents came all this way to see you, see how serious I am about you, please wait for me and don’t shag someone else overseas.”

^ yep. Has nothing to do with your opinion.

Yes!!!!!

NowAAT · 27/02/2023 11:12

No I wouldn't. DD and her new man can make their way over if she really wants to introduce him.

JenniferBarkley · 27/02/2023 11:13

BalloonInvestigator · 27/02/2023 11:10

Yes!!!!!

Show quote history

That's very cynical. For me it would have been "Look mum how lovely this boy is, I really love him. Look how grown up I am, here's where I do my shopping, here's my favourite coffee shop, here's my favourite pizza place, look I have a whole life here!".

HeddaGarbled · 27/02/2023 11:14

We would sometimes (not always) fetch ours for uni holidays but we’d make a weekend of it and explore the uni cities.

VirginiaQ · 27/02/2023 11:16

museumum · 27/02/2023 10:50

I wouldn't have asked my parents to do this because they'd have said no. I learned early on to be independent and do the 'logical' thing (e.g get the train by myself when I moved 400miles away). As a result my parents and I have a loving but not particularly close relationship. I also have trouble letting anybody help or do 'nice things' like give lifts if there's a 'logical' public transport option.

TL:DR I would do it, and be glad she wanted me to.

This really. My Mum she would never put herself out or go the extra mile for her children. As museumum says I have a perfectly cordialrelationship with her now and we're not close. She is amazed that I travel to see my son who is a 4-6 hour drive (I generally take the train) at least twice a year and stay in ahotel as it would never have entered her head. In fact her son, my brother, lived in the same place as my brother and my parents only visited once in 10 years and that was only on the way back from somewhere else.

SquigglePigs · 27/02/2023 11:19

It is a long way but it's so lovely that she wants you to meet him. I absolutely would go. These things mean so much to "kids" that age. I will never forget my parents driving all the way to my uni just to take me out for dinner the day after my boyfriend dumped me just to cheer me up (20+ years ago now!). It meant the world to me, and this will to your DD.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 27/02/2023 11:31

200 miles 'could' take 6 hours? Are you coming from a tiny island in the Highlands or expecting snow or something?

Thinking back to when I was at uni 200 miles away, my mum would have probably done this. I'm not sure I would, now that video calls exist.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 27/02/2023 11:32

JenniferBarkley · 27/02/2023 11:13

That's very cynical. For me it would have been "Look mum how lovely this boy is, I really love him. Look how grown up I am, here's where I do my shopping, here's my favourite coffee shop, here's my favourite pizza place, look I have a whole life here!".

Show quote history

Same! Some of us actually like spending time with parents even when at uni!

WandaWonder · 27/02/2023 11:33

Yeah we would if it important to our child we would turn it into a mini break somehow

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/02/2023 11:37

I think it’s something I’d do if at all possible

strawberry2017 · 27/02/2023 11:39

Could you invite him to stay during their Easter break instead!m?

GobbieMaggie · 27/02/2023 11:42

I’d send her the rail fare and FaceTime her bf.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/02/2023 11:44

OP, only you know your DD and whether she has a different boyfriend every month or is a poor judge of men and also whether she just wants an easy journey home for her.

But for our family it would be a No brainer for me too. I can’t understand the “fuck, no” attitudes! The fact that she wants you to meet her boyfriend indicates that this is really important to her. So I would make the effort. Making the effort for things like that is very bonding for family relationships.

although I say this as someone who just spent 8 hours driving yesterday to collect my son from uni to take him to an orthodontist appointment this morning in our home town.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/02/2023 11:46

and that is 190 miles each way.

ThreeLittleDots · 27/02/2023 11:47

No. She's being an entitled brat and wants a free ride home. Meeting someone she's been seeing for just a few weeks is a red herring.