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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School Mum CF

261 replies

TellMeItsNotTrue · 26/02/2023 18:45

Bit of a long one, will do TL,DR at bottom

Back story - don't want to drip feed
When my DS was in reception his best friends parents split up, dad was cheating and left mum with no cash and struggling to pay bills

So I sort of took her under my wing and helped where I could, I didn't have a lot but was happy to help. This including passing on my DS clothes when he outgrew them as he is taller than her DS - I had sold them before then as he grows so fast they barely get worn and it helps go towards the next size up

That was 4 and half years ago and a lot has changed. She is no longer struggling, weekly hair and nail appointments, her DS always seems to have the latest toy and the Prime drinks etc and is always bragging to my DS. They are ok with each other but I wouldn't say friends, and definitely not best friends anymore

So on to the CFness -
She still asks me for the clothes 🫤 I just stopped offering them but she started asking and I felt awkward saying "no, you can afford to buy them now" as looks can be deceiving etc and she must still be struggling a bit and just putting up appearances

The longer it's gone on the more I've tried to get away from it, by delaying getting back to her, saying I've not got anything at the moment etc but she keeps on and on at me

The real CF part
Our kids have been off this week, rather than last week like most, and there was a party today. Her DS wasn't invited so didn't see them there, but I did see another classmate wearing one of my DSs jumpers! Definitely his because my clever DG made it for him and she'd done the pattern herself

So I asked the child's DM "I love Xs jumper, where did you get it?" Only to be told "oh, well I shouldn't really be telling you this, don't want you getting in first 😂 but I bought it from CF. I've barely needed to buy anything else for years, I just buy the bags of clothes from her when she's got them" I was just stunned and didn't speak, so she carried on and said "I've just got 2 big asda bags full before we broke up, and DS loves that jumper, he's barely taken it off all week"

So now I know why CF has been hounding me for clothes, but I don't know how long it's been going on, the mum just said years and I didn't want to bring her into it so didn't ask how long or how much £ or anything

Now I need to work out what to do, I'm not looking forward to seeing CF at the school gates tomorrow. Any advice welcome, I'm currently circling through emotions/feelings and going from thinking I'll have a quiet word, to saying nothing, to kicking off and asking for the money

TL, DR - just found out CF school mum has been asking for bags of my DS clothes and then selling them on to another school mum behind my back for years and telling her not to tell anyone

OP posts:
Original poster
TellMeItsNotTrue · 26/02/2023 18:47

Just read it back and realised I missed a bit 🙄 possibly quite important detail

I'd given them to her in the big asda bags on the same day so she's not even gone through and sold what wouldn't fit or he wouldn't wear

She's sold them as soon as she's got them, without even looking at them

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 26/02/2023 18:49

Cf obviously, but I guess she needed the money. Clothes are useful but you can't eat them.

Nimbostratus100 · 26/02/2023 18:50

sounds like fraud

Tell her you want the profit she has made from selling your son's clothes

Poscapen · 26/02/2023 18:50

Next time - they're gone, I've given them to the charity shop.
If you aren't bothered about the friendship be ready to say that you didn't give them to her to sell.

Shinyandnew1 · 26/02/2023 18:52

I would have told the mum at the party that they were my DS’s clothes. I’m surprised if it’s a really distinctive jumper nobody had seen it before and that your son didn’t say anything to him.

Had you told her, that would have partially solved the problem as CF would have been shown up and it would have got back to her as well.

I’m guessing because you didn’t say anything at the time and you’ve carried on giving her clothes despite her not needing them, that you’re not keen on confrontation, so wouldn’t bother talking to her.

Next time CF asks you for clothes, just say you’re going to sell them.

angieloumc · 26/02/2023 18:53

Oysterbabe · 26/02/2023 18:49

Cf obviously, but I guess she needed the money. Clothes are useful but you can't eat them.

She needed the money? Clearly not when she's getting her hair and nails done weekly.
OP I'd be livid, I'd just not give her anything ever again and if she asked why I'd tell her exactly what. Cheeky bitch indeed.

Figgygal · 26/02/2023 18:53

Shes a graspy twat op
I'd have told the other mum the situation and then lost my shit at cf
Christ people are snakes

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 26/02/2023 18:54

Next time she asks tell her you gave them to the other school mum.

280NeuerNamen · 26/02/2023 18:55

Wow, what a CF!

ChicoryDip · 26/02/2023 18:55

Not much you can do now about the clothes that you've already given her even though it's frustrating.

I would just stop passing things on.

No need to give elaborate excuses. If she is cheeky enough to ask you directly you just have to say 'sorry, I don't have anything to pass on' and change the subject.

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 26/02/2023 18:56

I would have told the mum who bought the clothes what she had done. This is beyond cheeky. You've been nothing but kind and she has taken advantage of that. I wouldn't give her another thing and I would tell her why so she knows and Stops badgering you for more

Whitney168 · 26/02/2023 18:56

No point at all asking her for the money, it won't be forthcoming so don't stress yourself battling it. Next time she asks, just laugh and say no, you'll be selling them on yourself this time.

IAmMeThisIsI · 26/02/2023 18:57

Whoah! That's crazy, OP! What a cheeky CF she is! I knew she was a cheeky, grabby little mare when you stated "she goes on and on", but that's next level!

Going forward it depends how you would prefer to address it. You may want to just confront her and let her tell you lies about the whys and it's etc. Or you could set her up... Pretend to be a legit buyer somehow and rock up to "buy" your own clothes back!

The next move is your choice. Lucky you found out! But doing it for YEARS is absolutely disgusting. There's no excuse. I don't care if she's skint and it's her only way to get money. It's dishonest and weird.

quietnightmare · 26/02/2023 18:57

When asked next time just say

' I can't I need to seek them, you understand the drill'

NoInvitesEver · 26/02/2023 18:57

Yes, agree, you should have told the other mum, and explained a bit of background too.
I'd still have to say something to the CF though. Something like "I was surprised to hear you've been selling the bags of clothes we gave you."

feelinglikeanewparent · 26/02/2023 18:57

Yes she's a total CF. But youve facilitated it. Doesn't matter how much she might 'go on and on at you', you didn't have to continue giving her the clothes.

I'd consider it a lesson learnt and end it now.

Original poster
TellMeItsNotTrue · 26/02/2023 18:58

I definitely won't be giving her any more!

I've been trying to stop it since her situation improved, but thought if she's that desperate that she keeps on at me then she must need them and maybe there is something going on that I don't know about 🙄 I know I'm a mug 😒

Main reason I didn't say anything to the other mum is that I was in shock. Also don't want her to feel bad being in the middle of it because she wasn't to know. May have a quiet word just to let her know, depends what happens with CF

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 26/02/2023 19:00

Jeez the bloody cheeky.

I'd 100% say something to her.

IAmMeThisIsI · 26/02/2023 19:00

You're not a mug! You were trying to be kind. Don't let anyone blame you for this. No good deed goes unpunished!

midsomermurderess · 26/02/2023 19:00

For the avoidance of doubt, it's not fraud🙃

skilpadde · 26/02/2023 19:00

So, if it wasn't for CF, you'd be selling the clothes.

You've identified the exact person (party mum) who'll want to buy what you're selling.

Just sell your bags of clothing direct to party mum, and cut out the CF middle-woman.

When CF next asks for clothes, raise an eyebrow and tell her no, you're be selling them on directly to party mum from now on.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 26/02/2023 19:01

Yes she is a CF. If she asks again I think I'd go with a pp suggestion and say you're going to sell them yourself this time

Merryoldgoat · 26/02/2023 19:02

You are not a mug at all. You are nice.

Just reply to the next request ‘I’m not giving away the clothes anymore - sorry!’

You don’t have any obligation to her.

EsmeSusanOgg · 26/02/2023 19:02

skilpadde · 26/02/2023 19:00

So, if it wasn't for CF, you'd be selling the clothes.

You've identified the exact person (party mum) who'll want to buy what you're selling.

Just sell your bags of clothing direct to party mum, and cut out the CF middle-woman.

When CF next asks for clothes, raise an eyebrow and tell her no, you're be selling them on directly to party mum from now on.

This! Cut out the freeloading middle-man.

Hankunamatata · 26/02/2023 19:02

Just tell CF she can buy them off you when she asks again as your going to sell them on.