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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School Mum CF

261 replies

TellMeItsNotTrue · 26/02/2023 18:45

Bit of a long one, will do TL,DR at bottom

Back story - don't want to drip feed
When my DS was in reception his best friends parents split up, dad was cheating and left mum with no cash and struggling to pay bills

So I sort of took her under my wing and helped where I could, I didn't have a lot but was happy to help. This including passing on my DS clothes when he outgrew them as he is taller than her DS - I had sold them before then as he grows so fast they barely get worn and it helps go towards the next size up

That was 4 and half years ago and a lot has changed. She is no longer struggling, weekly hair and nail appointments, her DS always seems to have the latest toy and the Prime drinks etc and is always bragging to my DS. They are ok with each other but I wouldn't say friends, and definitely not best friends anymore

So on to the CFness -
She still asks me for the clothes 🫤 I just stopped offering them but she started asking and I felt awkward saying "no, you can afford to buy them now" as looks can be deceiving etc and she must still be struggling a bit and just putting up appearances

The longer it's gone on the more I've tried to get away from it, by delaying getting back to her, saying I've not got anything at the moment etc but she keeps on and on at me

The real CF part
Our kids have been off this week, rather than last week like most, and there was a party today. Her DS wasn't invited so didn't see them there, but I did see another classmate wearing one of my DSs jumpers! Definitely his because my clever DG made it for him and she'd done the pattern herself

So I asked the child's DM "I love Xs jumper, where did you get it?" Only to be told "oh, well I shouldn't really be telling you this, don't want you getting in first 😂 but I bought it from CF. I've barely needed to buy anything else for years, I just buy the bags of clothes from her when she's got them" I was just stunned and didn't speak, so she carried on and said "I've just got 2 big asda bags full before we broke up, and DS loves that jumper, he's barely taken it off all week"

So now I know why CF has been hounding me for clothes, but I don't know how long it's been going on, the mum just said years and I didn't want to bring her into it so didn't ask how long or how much £ or anything

Now I need to work out what to do, I'm not looking forward to seeing CF at the school gates tomorrow. Any advice welcome, I'm currently circling through emotions/feelings and going from thinking I'll have a quiet word, to saying nothing, to kicking off and asking for the money

TL, DR - just found out CF school mum has been asking for bags of my DS clothes and then selling them on to another school mum behind my back for years and telling her not to tell anyone

OP posts:
dangermousesfriend · 06/03/2023 19:48

@TellMeItsNotTrue I don't really understand why you "confronted" her in the way you did. You were really PA and she is still probably clueless about the fact that she knew she'd been selling your stuff on. So what was the point?
Now just forget about it and move on.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 06/03/2023 19:52

I admire your restraint.

I bet you aren't the only one she has done this to.

Messyhair321 · 06/03/2023 20:31

Telling CF mum you're going to sell them on vinted - & then tell her you'll give her the details of listings. I'd just sidestep gifting these clothes you won't be able to trust any of them after this experience

LookItsMeAgain · 06/03/2023 20:48

At this point, I don't think I could promise her anything. I might, while having the telly on in the background, do a quick search online for kids clothes for sale in your locality. If she has done it to you, she's likely done it to others.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 06/03/2023 20:51

Nimbostratus100 · 26/02/2023 18:50

sounds like fraud

Tell her you want the profit she has made from selling your son's clothes

How on earth is it fraud? 😂

It's CF'ery, but that's all it is.

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 06/03/2023 20:53

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 06/03/2023 20:51

How on earth is it fraud? 😂

It's CF'ery, but that's all it is.

Show quote history

To be honest it’s ingenious is what it is 😂

typopro · 06/03/2023 21:16

Well done for confronting her OP. Not an easy thing to do, but it reads a bit confusing. Were you a bit cryptic with her?

I would have just come out with it and say
"Mary, I know you have been selling on the clothes I gave you. It doesn't really sit right with me. In future I'd rather just pass them on to someone more deserving, or I may choose to sell them myself."

Cwtchpuffling · 06/03/2023 21:21

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 06/03/2023 19:33

To be honest I think you were really PA with all the faux bullshit you pulled. And quite frankly, yeah she’s a CF, but it was never stipulated not to sell them on so 🤷‍♀️

You just need to move on and not pass on anymore clothes.

Are you the CF?! 😂

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 06/03/2023 21:27

Cwtchpuffling · 06/03/2023 21:21

Are you the CF?! 😂

Show quote history

Nope, but it’s an ingenious idea 😅

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 06/03/2023 21:29

OP I'm not sure the way you did it was the best but it's done now. I'd probably make a show of talking to the other mum in the playground so she'll get the idea that you both know the crack.

Fraaahnces · 06/03/2023 21:44

Who else is wondering if the CF’s situation has improved because she has been pestering half the school mums for hand me downs to sell?

RandomMess · 06/03/2023 21:50

It does sound like she's been pulling this stunt with others Angry

ChilliBandit · 06/03/2023 21:51

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 06/03/2023 21:27

Nope, but it’s an ingenious idea 😅

Show quote history

Ripping off fellow school parents is ingenious? Does your moral compass just continually spin?

Nanny0gg · 06/03/2023 23:06

CleaningOutMyCloset · 06/03/2023 19:39

So you didn't tell her you knew she was selling them, sounds like she thinks you think she's just given the clothes to another mum.

No. She understood all right

StaunchMomma · 06/03/2023 23:20

She was paying £20 a bag - usually 2 bags so £40 - but CF had the CF nerve to put it up to £30 a bag at the start of the school year because of cost of living!!!! 🤬 Though she did a discount of 2 bags for £55 🤬

I just spat my fanta at this!!

WTF, honestly!!!

momonpurpose · 06/03/2023 23:41

The nerve of this woman! I would definitely mention it to a few as others have said she may be doing this with more then you know

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 07/03/2023 00:21

ChilliBandit · 06/03/2023 21:51

Ripping off fellow school parents is ingenious? Does your moral compass just continually spin?

Show quote history

They’re not being ripped off at all, don’t be so dramatic.

CF named a price, the other mum was happy to pay it.

SpookyBlackCat · 07/03/2023 02:58

I would definitely start dropping it into conversations with other mums. She deserves to be found out. I knew she wouldn’t apologise though. CFs never do!

SleekMamma · 07/03/2023 06:08

Woohoo well done you!
Oh definitely tell EVERYONE what's she's done.

hourbyhour101 · 07/03/2023 06:31

She's defo mugging other people off based on your latest update.

I would spread that all over the school tbh.

ChilliBandit · 07/03/2023 07:00

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 07/03/2023 00:21

They’re not being ripped off at all, don’t be so dramatic.

CF named a price, the other mum was happy to pay it.

Show quote history

And taking them from the OP for free by pleading poverty, that’s ingenious too is it?

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 07/03/2023 07:06

ChilliBandit · 07/03/2023 07:00

And taking them from the OP for free by pleading poverty, that’s ingenious too is it?

Show quote history

As I said many, many pages back, I think what happened is in the beginning she genuinely did need them, but as her situation improved over time she didn’t need them anymore and thought “hey, why don’t I sell them instead?”

ChilliBandit · 07/03/2023 07:14

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 07/03/2023 07:06

As I said many, many pages back, I think what happened is in the beginning she genuinely did need them, but as her situation improved over time she didn’t need them anymore and thought “hey, why don’t I sell them instead?”

Show quote history

And? Why does that mean she isn’t ripping OP off? Just because it started from a place of need doesn’t mean she hasn’t taken complete advantage. If you are so comfortable with that, that you see it as aspirational, then yeah you need to reassess your moral compass.

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 07/03/2023 07:16

ChilliBandit · 07/03/2023 07:14

And? Why does that mean she isn’t ripping OP off? Just because it started from a place of need doesn’t mean she hasn’t taken complete advantage. If you are so comfortable with that, that you see it as aspirational, then yeah you need to reassess your moral compass.

Show quote history

“Ripping someone off” means you’re making someone pay too much for something, so no, she isn’t ripping her off.

You can think whatever you like about my moral compass, but the fact of the matter is she saw an opportunity to make some money and did so.

Yeah it’s cheeky, but it’s also a pretty good idea.

darjeelingrose · 07/03/2023 08:07

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 07/03/2023 07:16

“Ripping someone off” means you’re making someone pay too much for something, so no, she isn’t ripping her off.

You can think whatever you like about my moral compass, but the fact of the matter is she saw an opportunity to make some money and did so.

Yeah it’s cheeky, but it’s also a pretty good idea.

Show quote history

I think your moral compass stinks, so I'm glad you're ok with people thinking that, because I won't be the only one. It's lying, she asked for things in order to sell them on. Would you do that? It's not cheeky, it's not cute, it is just lying.