School Mum CF

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

Bit of a long one, will do TL,DR at bottom

Back story - don't want to drip feed
When my DS was in reception his best friends parents split up, dad was cheating and left mum with no cash and struggling to pay bills

So I sort of took her under my wing and helped where I could, I didn't have a lot but was happy to help. This including passing on my DS clothes when he outgrew them as he is taller than her DS - I had sold them before then as he grows so fast they barely get worn and it helps go towards the next size up

That was 4 and half years ago and a lot has changed. She is no longer struggling, weekly hair and nail appointments, her DS always seems to have the latest toy and the Prime drinks etc and is always bragging to my DS. They are ok with each other but I wouldn't say friends, and definitely not best friends anymore

So on to the CFness -
She still asks me for the clothes 🫤 I just stopped offering them but she started asking and I felt awkward saying "no, you can afford to buy them now" as looks can be deceiving etc and she must still be struggling a bit and just putting up appearances

The longer it's gone on the more I've tried to get away from it, by delaying getting back to her, saying I've not got anything at the moment etc but she keeps on and on at me

The real CF part
Our kids have been off this week, rather than last week like most, and there was a party today. Her DS wasn't invited so didn't see them there, but I did see another classmate wearing one of my DSs jumpers! Definitely his because my clever DG made it for him and she'd done the pattern herself

So I asked the child's DM "I love Xs jumper, where did you get it?" Only to be told "oh, well I shouldn't really be telling you this, don't want you getting in first 😂 but I bought it from CF. I've barely needed to buy anything else for years, I just buy the bags of clothes from her when she's got them" I was just stunned and didn't speak, so she carried on and said "I've just got 2 big asda bags full before we broke up, and DS loves that jumper, he's barely taken it off all week"

So now I know why CF has been hounding me for clothes, but I don't know how long it's been going on, the mum just said years and I didn't want to bring her into it so didn't ask how long or how much £ or anything

Now I need to work out what to do, I'm not looking forward to seeing CF at the school gates tomorrow. Any advice welcome, I'm currently circling through emotions/feelings and going from thinking I'll have a quiet word, to saying nothing, to kicking off and asking for the money

TL, DR - just found out CF school mum has been asking for bags of my DS clothes and then selling them on to another school mum behind my back for years and telling her not to tell anyone

If she asks for more clothes I’d say I’d decided to sell them myself. Hopefully she’ll realise you know.

So cheeky. I sell mine going forward its bit money. Dont engage with her op. Yes she a CF

The next time she contacts you asking for clothes, you can either say:-

• No way, I found out you've been selling them to X!!!
• I've sold them
• I don't have any
• I've given them to charity

Next time she asks: 'No, I don't have any clothes for you to sell to (other mum).' And leave it at that. I would be livid.

Omg CF mum, you never guess what, I was out today and saw non CF mum and her son. He was wearing an exact jumper that I passed to you - on that DG made for him and not available anywhere else - it’s a real one off. I asked where they got it because it was just so weird…. I don’t suppose I need to say anymore but I won’t be passing ds clothes onto you any longer.

I'd say something along the lines of " We saw Timmy at the party- he looks lovely in the jumper my DG made that I passed on to (her son's name)".
Then I'd wait and see her reaction and respond accordingly.

Just say you need the money so you've started selling them.

People can do what they like with things you give them.

How could it possibly be fraud?

So stop giving her clothes. Say sorry they’re going to a cousin/another friend having a shit time. But yeah cheeky fuckery

Omg 😲

Because she has misrepresented herself as needing clothes, and so acquired them under false pretences.

I wouldn't expect any money to actually materialise, but I would certainly tell her I was expecting it

She doesn't appear to be using the money for food!

No. You can when you finish with them but she was taking all those clothes under false pretences.

If she asks again "no I'm going to sell them instead." Just be extremely blunt, what a cf.

@TellMeItsNotTrue message her tonight saying ‘OMG I’ve just realised I put X/Y in your bag by mistake - could you bring it to drop off tomorrow please?’

then she’ll either have to admit why she’s done to you or to the other mum

This, other than I'd charge more than £10 per bag and also ask her for whatever she's made over the years in selling them.

You need to call her out. What a CF.

Was she? Did she tell the OP she wasn't going to sell them?

You're definitely not a mug OP, you are just kind and she is definitely a CF. Maybe be honest and when she mentions it again say you didn't realise she was selling them, see how she explains it?

maybe she needed the money more than the clothes.
you noticed that she didn’t need it anymore yet continued to give more.
now tell her that you need to sell the clothes as you can do with the extra money, and if she wanted to repay the favour you’d greatly accept her spare clothes to sell on…

And you could say you need the money so will be selling the clothes from now on.

It's not the other mothers fault - she wasn't to know, I wouldn't say anything to her, why make her feel uncomfortable?
To CF - either let her know now that you know she's been reselling them straightaway & you won't be passing on anything in future, or when she next asks for more.
If you go for the latter, your choice to let her know you know, or just say cost of living etc... you'll be selling on eBay.

I would simply say that you heard that they were for sale and preferred to give them to charity or friends who appreciated them.

This, I have to agree. Unless things are given with conditions attached, they were hers to do with as she wished to.

Message her saying "Met up with X at the party and was most surprised to hear you have been selling the clothes I gave to you. I was under the impression your son needed them due to your financial circumstances. With that cleared up I'll be giving the clothes to X directly in future. Take care."