School Mum CF

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

Bit of a long one, will do TL,DR at bottom

Back story - don't want to drip feed
When my DS was in reception his best friends parents split up, dad was cheating and left mum with no cash and struggling to pay bills

So I sort of took her under my wing and helped where I could, I didn't have a lot but was happy to help. This including passing on my DS clothes when he outgrew them as he is taller than her DS - I had sold them before then as he grows so fast they barely get worn and it helps go towards the next size up

That was 4 and half years ago and a lot has changed. She is no longer struggling, weekly hair and nail appointments, her DS always seems to have the latest toy and the Prime drinks etc and is always bragging to my DS. They are ok with each other but I wouldn't say friends, and definitely not best friends anymore

So on to the CFness -
She still asks me for the clothes 🫤 I just stopped offering them but she started asking and I felt awkward saying "no, you can afford to buy them now" as looks can be deceiving etc and she must still be struggling a bit and just putting up appearances

The longer it's gone on the more I've tried to get away from it, by delaying getting back to her, saying I've not got anything at the moment etc but she keeps on and on at me

The real CF part
Our kids have been off this week, rather than last week like most, and there was a party today. Her DS wasn't invited so didn't see them there, but I did see another classmate wearing one of my DSs jumpers! Definitely his because my clever DG made it for him and she'd done the pattern herself

So I asked the child's DM "I love Xs jumper, where did you get it?" Only to be told "oh, well I shouldn't really be telling you this, don't want you getting in first 😂 but I bought it from CF. I've barely needed to buy anything else for years, I just buy the bags of clothes from her when she's got them" I was just stunned and didn't speak, so she carried on and said "I've just got 2 big asda bags full before we broke up, and DS loves that jumper, he's barely taken it off all week"

So now I know why CF has been hounding me for clothes, but I don't know how long it's been going on, the mum just said years and I didn't want to bring her into it so didn't ask how long or how much £ or anything

Now I need to work out what to do, I'm not looking forward to seeing CF at the school gates tomorrow. Any advice welcome, I'm currently circling through emotions/feelings and going from thinking I'll have a quiet word, to saying nothing, to kicking off and asking for the money

TL, DR - just found out CF school mum has been asking for bags of my DS clothes and then selling them on to another school mum behind my back for years and telling her not to tell anyone

cheeky f’mare - definitely ask for a couple of identifiable items back simply to watch the cf swirm & see what lies she espouses.… then point blank - call her out.. ask her for the money she has literally laundered from your clothes, as you know she has on sold your asda bags of clothes for cash!

refrain from responding to her txt and say your catch up next time at school gate, blah blah

Haha, yes, this! 😁

100% this ^!!

When she asks again tell her that due to the COL crisis, you're going to be selling them yourself, rather than her!

Cheeky cow!

I’d sell/give them to party mum direct as well!

I agree - tell her you're cutting out the middleman who has never given you a cut of the profit!

This happened to me too, only difference was she told me that she'd sold them on. I was so taken aback by her cheeky fuckery I was struck dumb.

Our friendship didn't survive.

I'd do this.

I'd text her saying I'd accidentally added said jumper to the bag and could I pop and grab it back in half an hour because it's his favourite....

Oh I'd have to say something!

Especially if she is hounding you. I'd be telling her that I've found out she's selling on the clothes on to X and giving you none of the profit so it's easier to cut out the middleman and sell them directly to recoup some of the costs.

Next time she asks just say you've sold them . See what her face looks like ! If she question just say you needed the money - don't we all !

I won't see her until tomorrow afternoon, as I drop DS for start of school, and her DS goes to breakfast club

I am glad about that though, it means the DC won't be there when I first see her so I can get it over and done with if I decide to say something

I think I am feeling like I need to make sure she knows that I found out. It's just whether I say something now or when she next asks about clothes, and how exactly to go about it

I would just say, if she asks you for more clothes, that you have decided to sell them as that’s all she’s done. Given how much she’s probably made, I would say that she can have each item for £20 each which you’re sorry, but know she wont make any money from, but will go some way to cover your losses! Bloody cheek!

Well the boys mum said it had been going on years, so I imagine she took what she needed and sold the rest on for extra cash originally, and then as the years have gone on and her situation has improved she’s kept to the same routine but sells them all now instead.

So she probably wasn’t a CF when you first started helping her but it’s evolved into that now she’s financially better off.

Tinkerbell1980
I'd text her saying I'd accidentally added said jumper to the bag and could I pop and grab it back in half an hour because it's his favourite....

Do this!!!!!!!

Agree, do this.

You jeep ro get your bug girl pants on and when she asks for the clothes tell her no. You only gave them to her as you thought her son would get use out of them and instead she's been selling them and taking You for mug. Tell her she's a cheeky cow and the friendship is over. Your kids are no longer friends and quite frankly even if they were you don't owe her anything.

Cfs pray on nice people, those that avoid conflict and aren't rude. Be firm and stand your ground.

*You put your big girl pants on even!

I’d be pissed off too! You are not a mug you are a kind considerate friend who was doing her bit to help another human down on her luck out. However other human turns out to be a full on cheeky t**t! I would actually say to her next time she asks , “oh I took a leaf out of your book and I sell them now, don’t know why I didn’t think of it before”
some people are takers in life others are givers she’s a taker walk away.

The clothes were hers, to do with as she pleased, as soon as you gave them to her. She doesn't owe you any money. With that said, I would feel so used by her actions. I would start donating them to a charity going forward.

I see this differently to most. Once you gave them to her they were hers to do what she liked with. I'd be miffed yes and not give her any more but it's not really your business what she does with her things is it?
When she asks next you could just say no and tell her you won't be giving her anymore. No explanation needed. If she presses for a reason then tell her.

Method 1 -
I'm thinking a bag filled with awful clothes, old towels and crap, with a helium balloon that says CHEEKY Clothes selling F##ker on it!

Do people actually do things like this or is it just posting absolute rubbish?

I'd simply say (either tomorrow or when it next comes up) that you're going back to selling them yourself, as you're aware that's what she's been doing and therefore obviously doesn't need them any more.

Technically once they're hers she can do what she wants with them, but just because you can, doesn't mean you should. It does feel underhand and I can understand why you're hurt.

Confront her and make her squirm

The brass neck of some people!

Just tell CF mum that you don't need to give them to her as you're going to sell them straight on to party mum instead. Cut out the middle mum.