School Mum CF

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

Bit of a long one, will do TL,DR at bottom

Back story - don't want to drip feed
When my DS was in reception his best friends parents split up, dad was cheating and left mum with no cash and struggling to pay bills

So I sort of took her under my wing and helped where I could, I didn't have a lot but was happy to help. This including passing on my DS clothes when he outgrew them as he is taller than her DS - I had sold them before then as he grows so fast they barely get worn and it helps go towards the next size up

That was 4 and half years ago and a lot has changed. She is no longer struggling, weekly hair and nail appointments, her DS always seems to have the latest toy and the Prime drinks etc and is always bragging to my DS. They are ok with each other but I wouldn't say friends, and definitely not best friends anymore

So on to the CFness -
She still asks me for the clothes 🫤 I just stopped offering them but she started asking and I felt awkward saying "no, you can afford to buy them now" as looks can be deceiving etc and she must still be struggling a bit and just putting up appearances

The longer it's gone on the more I've tried to get away from it, by delaying getting back to her, saying I've not got anything at the moment etc but she keeps on and on at me

The real CF part
Our kids have been off this week, rather than last week like most, and there was a party today. Her DS wasn't invited so didn't see them there, but I did see another classmate wearing one of my DSs jumpers! Definitely his because my clever DG made it for him and she'd done the pattern herself

So I asked the child's DM "I love Xs jumper, where did you get it?" Only to be told "oh, well I shouldn't really be telling you this, don't want you getting in first 😂 but I bought it from CF. I've barely needed to buy anything else for years, I just buy the bags of clothes from her when she's got them" I was just stunned and didn't speak, so she carried on and said "I've just got 2 big asda bags full before we broke up, and DS loves that jumper, he's barely taken it off all week"

So now I know why CF has been hounding me for clothes, but I don't know how long it's been going on, the mum just said years and I didn't want to bring her into it so didn't ask how long or how much £ or anything

Now I need to work out what to do, I'm not looking forward to seeing CF at the school gates tomorrow. Any advice welcome, I'm currently circling through emotions/feelings and going from thinking I'll have a quiet word, to saying nothing, to kicking off and asking for the money

TL, DR - just found out CF school mum has been asking for bags of my DS clothes and then selling them on to another school mum behind my back for years and telling her not to tell anyone

“Hey how was your week off?”

Yeah good - went to X’s party. DS had a good time. Actually, I saw Y wearing a jumper identical to DSs. Apparently from your side hustle of selling kids’ clothes?…

and just leave that open, see what she responds with

Agree. I would do this and see what she says.

Going forward I would also say that you've decided to donate your sons cloths to a Turkish and Syrian earthquake charity.

On a side note - how can you be so sure she's not selling bags of her own sons clothing and the jumper you spotted on the other boy just wasn't to her / her sons taste so she got rid of that but her son kept the rest of the clothing??

She has some brass neck!

I'd definitely have to say something

That is so shit of her! And to sell it to another school mum? It's like she doesn't care if you find out.
I'd have a quiet word with the mum who bought the clothes and let her know what's going on.

Hi CF,
I understand that you've been selling the clothes that I've been giving you. I need you to transfer me half of the proceeds, I think that's fair. Pass her postit note with bank details on.

Say it!! Cheerily and seriously. You cannot be wishy washy with a cheeky bitch like this. Meet CF with CF.

And next time she asks, just say you'll sell them yourself, but thanks for the offer.

id Say something a little bit arsey like..

”I’ve given them to charity. I’d like a worthy cause to profit from them and you seem to be back on your feet now financially so I didn’t think you’d need them anymore. Sorry!”

Great advice.

Also, give her a closed answer "No" when she hounds you again.

Its harder for her to manipulate with a closed answers ( yes and no).

I’d do this. Obviously she’s not going to hand over any money but she needs to know how unacceptable her behaviour has been.

I'd give my best cocked eyebrow and say "Sorry, but I've found out that there is quite a market for DS's old clothes so I've decided to start selling them".

😂 😂 It’s not fraud. The clothes were given away and it’s up to the woman in question to do what she wants with the clothes. If the OP doesn’t want the clothes to be sold, then don’t give them away 🤷‍♀️

Tell other mum that they came from you, you gave them to her to be kind.

Then cut out the middle man and sell or give them to other mum. Next time CF texts - no sorry I've cut out the middle man and given them to mum2 myself, maybe you could share the profits you've made ?

She's got the right to sell them on, although cheeky, it's the pestering for more then selling them on that's outrageous.

No advice but you do sound really lovely and she’s absolutely a shit bag. I would absolutely let the mum of the character jumper know, let her tell everyone else for you. It’s not your secret or shake to keep quiet, let everyone find out she’s fucking awful.

Haha well she’s definitely enterprising I’ll give her that. She has got some brass neck though. Next time she asks just tell her you will be selling them directly to insert son’s friend’s mums name here in future.

Yanbu x

You sound like a lovely, kind person. It's such a shame but it never ceases to amaze me how often people come to expect that if someone is kind enough to give them help on a few occasions, then they come to feel entitled to the help ongoing and get can get quite huffy if told no. As others have said, cost of living is up for everyone and gives you a perfect reason to say no to more clothes. (Not that you should need one!)

Don’t understand this - maybe she needs the money.
Yeah she had her nails done etc but appearances can be deceiving, as you said in your op.

Don’t give her anymore if you don’t want to. If you were sentimental about the one your DG made, why did you give it away?

I’d be asking her for a cut of the profits! Cheeky cow

I found myself in similar circs, you think you are doing a good thing, other person just sees you as feckin mug.
I'd wait until she asks and say very openly " I understand you just sell them straight to Jane, so I'll be doing that now".

I'm inclined to think that I would say anything to her beyond, "sorry I don't have anything to pass on", and then you should just sell them yourself. You don't owe her any explanations. It'll infuriate her more that she still thinks she has an income stream but said income stream doesn't seem to be forthcoming but she doesn't know why. And in this case, I'd take pleasure in that.

*wouldn't

That's awful.

I was going to say leave it until next time she asks then just say "no, I've decided to sell them on".

But definitely do what Tinkerbell said! 😂

Of course not... just a bit of fun. Sorry you took it seriously...