Set his cheating message as his screen saver

[Tothemoonandbackx]

So my lying, cheating.....now (not that he knows it yet) EX is snoring away beside me. We have the same make and model of phone, and I'd plugged mine in earlier to charge, but didn't realise he'd taken mine out to charge his up while I was in the shower. A notification popped up, on what I thought was my phone plugged in, I went to read the message and saw it was from another women, talking about how amazing their kiss was, completely baffled, I soon realised it was his phone. Turns out not only have they shared this amazing kiss, but they've also spent nights together while he's been away at work. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement, anger has over ridden me but I want to play it cool before I dump his sorry, pathetic lying cheating fucking ass!!!! I've set his screen saver to the last message she sent, so there's no way he can deny it, I'm waiting for him to eventually see it in the morning, am I crazy, or do I wake him up and kick him out now?????

@Pearsandclocks, when I say that he should have been long gone, I wasn't referring to this morning.

I don't think you have read the previous thread -
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4601557-how-did-you-stick-to-your-guns

As I clearly said - probably not my finest hour!

Too late now but I'd have been tempted to use his phone to take a picture of my breasts and send it to the OW ...

WTF!

Quit the drama. He should have been long gone.

What drama?

OP has done everything to limit the drama.

Kicking someone out at 1am, having a blazing row and refusing to go to work until they’ve gone is going to cause way more drama than the way OP has done it.

I think you are marvellously calm and collected. However I do think the other woman should be warned. Women should stop these kinds of men, and if it were me I’d appreciate your warning.

It’s not her responsibility to warn anyone about him. Kind if she does, but equally she might not want any further involvement.

I’m kind of in awe, OP. Blind anger would’ve ripped through me before I could possibly think of or remembered how phone settings worked for that!

pleased you don’t live together or have kids. Hope it doesn’t taint future relationships too much for you. All people are different, there’s just a lot of shit ones!

❤️

I agree. I'm unsure why women are so frequently appointed the moral guardians of society whilst men's sexual misdeeds frequently get a free pass. Women are not responsible for male behaviour. 'These kinds of men' do have responsibility to stop cheating on their partners.

OP owes OW precisely nothing.

You didn’t ask me @MessyJ it was someone else. But you did mention mental health, and are one of the posters who seem to have an issue with the way OP dealt with the situation. Would you wanted her to have caused a fuss in the early hours of the morning and wake up her neighbours or deal with it calmly, quietly and with dignity the way she has?!

They might not owe them, but as being part of the sisterhood it's the right thing to do.

Disappointing though it may sound, there is no 'sisterhood'. It doesn't exist and never has existed. No one is owed anything on the basis that a person happens to share the same chromosomes as you. And certainly not on the basis that their partner happened to cheat on you with them.

Were there moral obligations landed on men under the mantle of The Brotherhood, this might stick in the craw less. But these kinds of double standards - those which always expect everything of women and nothing from men - the man, on this occasion, being the cheat - are a constant frustration.

What sisterhood? Women are approx. 51% of the population, all just a load of random people, just like men.

As Caitlin Moran says, are the men doing it / required to do it? No? Then it’s bullshit.

Hope he's gone, OP.

You deserve better.

Because women are vulnerable. And just because men aren't doing it, doesn't justify us not helping out other women.

What😳🤣

The sisterhood is bollocks. It's only ever mentioned as a stick to beat women with, to berate them for things men get away with or make them responsible for what men do.

We don't need a sisterhood of women safeguarding other people's commitments if men just take responsibility and keep their dicks in their pants.

Like this idea

There’s nothing to justify.

And the OP does not have a responsibility to go round warning people about her ex partner.

Re being ‘vulnerable’, the OP’s situation could quite easily involve any combination of genders.

It's not hard to find out if someone is single nowadays with most people having a facebook/instagram. Of course there is a chance the other woman didn't know but it wouldn't be my first assumption.

Hope you're alright Op and being supported in real life by people close to you.

@Tothemoonandbackx I think you're doing amazing! Anyone who's had the immense shock of being cheated on knows how painful it is. Knowing that you ended it with such calm precision (and in such a dignified way) will be a thing to make you feel proud in time to come.

I did too! With his friend.

congrats - 1st class self respect!

posting the messages on 24hr reels - let his world implode would be the icing on the cake.

Absolutely not true
I had a thread on here re my own infidelity and was absolutely slaughtered, called an abuser and advised that by sleeping with AP I had raped his wife (because her consent wasn't fully informed).

OP, you have behaved exactly correctly. Ignore the posters looking for some Sunday afternoon entertainment over the grief of somebody they have never met and will never meet.

FWIW I once discovered my boyfriend was cheating on me with one of my best friends (and housemate at the time!) at the exact moment I was heading out the door to go to the theatre with some other friends.

I could have had it out with the fuckers then and there, bailed on my friends who had bothered to sort out tickets for us to spend a nice evening together and had a massive fucking drama then and there.

Instead, part in a state of shock and partly due to bloody-mindedness I went to the theatre, explained the situation to my friends so they understood why I was in a weird mood and left straight after the play finished. THEN I went to have it out with the cheating bastards.

I am obviously no longer friends with the two cheaters, but I am still friends with the two women I went to the theatre with, and I am actually quite proud of myself for prioritising treating decent friends well, over a drama with some people who were arguably already out of my life.

Hope he has gone, and left a bloody great apology by the time you get home, op.