Too overfamiliar with my baby?

[NameChangeAsICouldBeOverReacting]

Trying to keep this vague as possible to remain as anonymous as I’d hate to be outed and cause family drama.

There’s been several things that have happened with my BIL and his newish girlfriend (they’ve been together 8 months) where I feel like my baby is almost a prop/new shiny object to them as they are overstepping boundaries to play families with him. I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive, but I need to hear from others if this is normal behaviour or if it would also make you uncomfortable.

We live in the same town as my BIL and they will often stop by ours to see our baby and ask if they can do bathtime with us, but they never do this with my other BIL and his children. The focus only seems to be on our baby.

I’ve spotted the girlfriend taking photos of my baby on her phone when she’s been around him, but not to send to me or my husband, but I’ve not said anything in the past as I hate conflict, but thinking I should as I don’t know if she posts these on social media etc. My BIL also sends her photos of them when she’s not around and she will often ask to see photos of our baby as well.

They also constantly ask if they can babysit for us and we have agreed that they can next week when we go out next week for a meal as my parents or MIL aren’t free. The girlfriend has said she’s so excited as she absolutely loves our baby and it’s a dream come true to babysit them and my BIL then mentioned “it will be like us having our own baby”. They have never once asked to babysit my other BIL’s children, it is only ever for our baby.

There have been other moments which my SIL has called out as being a bit strange where they will almost act like a family with our baby and try and have special moments with them.

Am I being unreasonable to think there’s a strange obsession with our baby as this doesn’t happen with the other children in the family? Or is this normal excited new baby behaviour?

Seems strange to me. The bath thing is a red flag to me. I wouldn't allow this and because of that makes me suspicious about their intentions when you're out.

But you know them. It's easy to be cautious about a story on the internet but only you know what they are like.

They may be being a bit over excited but people like babies. The shine wears off when they get to about 4 I’ve noticed. My baby was the first born in our circle for a while and everyone was all over them. Until the next baby came along, which I was fine with and joined in the new baby love. I think you should let them have their excitement, it’s not harming anyone. It’s probably being driven by the girlfriend and your BILs kids sound older.

I felt uncomfortable reading this although I can’t quite put my finger on why. I definitely don’t like the bathtime bit. I wouldn’t be letting them look after my baby alone though.

@SoMachoHesGottaBe this is what is getting to me, it feels all a bit strange but I cannot pinpoint why. If my other BIL and his wife acted like this, I don’t think I’d feel as uncomfortable. Maybe because I’ve known them over a decade and they have their own children, whereas this BIL and girlfriend don’t and I’ve only known her not even a year?

I agree.

Red flag asking to join bath time. Massive red flag. No way would I let them have sole care of him.

To be honest, I can totally see where you're coming from and I find this uncomfortable too. They are definitely over stepping boundaries.

The whole "our baby" thing is strange and I wouldn't be leaving them to watch my child unsupervised. I'd also be stopping them coming round for bath time-
Why do they think that's appropriate? I'd be looking to reduce the amount of time they were with the baby if I was you

That’s not normal. Your baby is not a doll for them to play with. And who asks to join in when someone baths their baby?! It could be that she’s very broody and wants to practise on your baby, which she has no right to. It’s very intrusive. Put your foot down and keep them at a distance.

Coming over for bathtime a big no. It’s a trusted privilege to do bathtime with small children, and should only be done by a child’s closest carers.

@AlwaysFoldingWashing I think it’s because our baby LOVES bath time and gets very excited in there, so it’s cute to watch. Nothing sinister, although it sounds it when reading my OP back.

This is weird. Stop it.

Yes bath time is standing out for me also?
Why in particular bath time??

Yeah I'd be uncomfortable with this. It kinda feels like they're trying to pretend she's their baby. I wouldn't be surprised if she were pregnant soon then they won't be interested in your child.

Really? I loved bathing my baby cousins when I was older teen early 20s, it was a responsibility and they were so sweet splashing and smiling away. But then I babysat from very young too as was expected in a large family. When I'd stay with my aunt's she always let me bath the baby and toddler and it was so nice, my sister likes getting to bath my kids and do bedtime when she stays too. She is definitely playing families and nothing more sinister, they're her neice and nephew so what's the problem?

It's like they are using your baby to play families. Your baby is not a toy. It's weird.

@DaveyJonesLocker they do regularly talk about having a baby in the next year or two, so I do think it’s bloodiness and a trial of them having a baby using our baby, if that makes sense?!

Don't know why everyone's so weirded out by the concept of helping with bath time. We always did bathtime with my son when we had family visiting, it was super cute and they loved helping with it, nothing sinister.

It just sounds like they're excited to play with the baby. My husband and I used to enjoy babysitting our nephew before we had our own kids. It was a nice chance for us to bond with him and his parents enjoyed getting a night out without paying for a babysitter. If you're not comfortable with it then go with your gut but there's nothing here that really sounds concerning or odd to me.

I'd not be comfortable with them being alone with my baby and neither are you Op- so put a stop to it.
I'd not be happy about the photos either.

I think they're just young and in love and fantasising about having their own family. It will fade out.

Unless therer were other concerns (not respecting your rules, photos at bathtime, etc) I'd let it slide

Because it's fun? One of the most fun things you can do with a baby?

Struggling to see what the big deal is. Some people really love babies - I've been approached several times by strangers telling me how cute my child is. At times it's weird cause it's not something I would do, but it's harmless.

This behaviour seems rather benign as they're not doing anything terrible, actually they have even offered to provide you support which many people lack.

Perhaps the issue you're trying to articulate just doesn't spell out clearly via written, but I just can't see it.

@Octonaut4Life this is what I do think as well, but they never, ever act like this with the other two children (1.5 years old and 5 years old) in the family who live an equal distance away from them. If they did act like that with them, I think I’d feel less weird about the whole thing.

I agree with this completely.

If the photos make you uncomfortable you could ask her not to post anything on social about them? Presumably she's not taking photos during bathtime?

@BabyOnBoard90 I think I’m struggling to articulate it as I don’t even know what the exact issue that makes me feel uncomfortable is, if that makes sense?

I think it’s a mixture of their behaviour towards our baby and not giving his other niece and nephew the same attention, mixed with me not knowing the gf for a long period of time and that I, myself, wouldn’t act like that towards someone else’s baby.

I hate bathing my own kids, I find it so strange someone would want to watch other people's have a a bath. It's just a really boring activity which often leads to poo/wee in the bath and everyone gets wet. What is enjoyable about that? I personally think it's all a bit odd. I don't think I would be happy about the babysitting.