Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

9yr old and knife

193 replies

Rabbitheadlights · 25/02/2023 11:18

So ... My 9yr old just picked up a butter knife and threatened my 7yr old with it ... In a half joke half serious manner (they were bickering about something or other) Well, I absolutely lost it. I told him to go get dressed and that I was taking him to the police station, that he should say goodbye to his siblings, and take one last look at his bedroom because he was going to jail for a very long time and he would be an adult by the time he got out!

I was kind of lost in how angry I was, for context a friend's son was murdered age 16 in January last year and although we aren't very close it was just far too close to home for me and it's something I think about often.

So my AIBU is should I have been able to control my reaction?

He was really scared, crying asking me not to take him etc ... But all I could think was good, I'm glad he's scared.

We have spoken now and I have told him that I won't be taking him to the police station but that if he ever was to do do anything like that again I absolutely will! but I haven't apologised for my reaction because I need him to understand how serious this is.

But I don't know, was it too much?

Tia

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 25/02/2023 11:19

well, it wasn't the best thought out response, but a strong response was definitely needed - good for you

aSofaNearYou · 25/02/2023 11:21

I think it probably was too much but honestly I'd just run with it now, at least he won't do it again.

Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 25/02/2023 11:21

@Nimbostratus100 this is it, I didn't think at all I just reacted.

Do I need to apologise to him do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 25/02/2023 11:22

@aSofaNearYou I think I'm going to have to, but should I apologise for it?

OP posts:
SilkenDisorder · 25/02/2023 11:23

I think your response was completely appropriate. Only apologise to dc if it was wrong for you to get angry, it was absolutely ok in this scenario to get angry. Children have been killed ‘joking’ around with guns/knives.

You showed how people in real life would react if he used a knife to threaten someone, even ‘jokingly’. And I dare say you made an impression that will last.

If he was sincere in his apology to his sibling and you are sure he won’t do it again then no need for anything further.

newmum0604 · 25/02/2023 11:24

Wayyyyyyy too much.

WandaWonder · 25/02/2023 11:24

Yes I would apologise for the way I reacted if I did rhis

It was totally over the top

Notimeforaname · 25/02/2023 11:25

It's done now. Dont apologise. He held a knife up to his sibling. Bet he wont try it again.

AuntieMarys · 25/02/2023 11:25

Good on you. He won't forget that in a hurry

Nimbostratus100 · 25/02/2023 11:25

Rabbitheadlights · 25/02/2023 11:21

@Nimbostratus100 this is it, I didn't think at all I just reacted.

Do I need to apologise to him do you think?

no, don't apologise and dilute the message now. Its done and it worked.

aSofaNearYou · 25/02/2023 11:26

Rabbitheadlights · 25/02/2023 11:22

@aSofaNearYou I think I'm going to have to, but should I apologise for it?

No I wouldn't apologise, I agree with PP it would dilute the message.

Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 25/02/2023 11:26

For those that are saying I ABU ... What would an appropriate response be? I don't think it's the kind of thing that warrants a cuddly chat? He needs to understand how abhorrent his behaviour was? I need to reaffirm that at the same time, IF I need to apologise

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 25/02/2023 11:27

How would you feel if a teacher reacted in the same way at lunchtime for the same reason? What would you expect them to do? Whatever your answer is to that is what you should do to your son.

I think at 9 he is more than able to understand both the apology and explanation and to understand that knives used inappropriately can harm and injure people.

Making parenting threats you'll never see through is never a good option either, you aren't actually going to take him to the police station so back tracking and telling him that next time you will was pointless.

SilkenDisorder · 25/02/2023 11:27

Shocked some parents think this reaction is over the top for a dc threatening someone with a knife, even ‘jokingly’.

You didn’t beat him. You got justifiably angry and showed him exactly what would happen if he did this for real.

Don’t apologise op, you are raising a decent son.

Original poster
Rabbitheadlights · 25/02/2023 11:28

@Singleandproud but I absolutely will take him to the police station if he does ever do it again?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 25/02/2023 11:28

It might have been a bit over the top but when you think about the seriousness of knife crime it probably did him good. Just forget about it. Don't apologise.

SilkenDisorder · 25/02/2023 11:29

How would you feel if a teacher reacted in the same way at lunchtime for the same reason? What would you expect them to do?

Whether my child was the one threatening another with a knife, or the one being threatened, I would expect the teacher to call the police.

bagelbagelbagel · 25/02/2023 11:31

Sounds like you lost it, OP. It wasn't a great response, you could have had 'strong words' without resorting to hysteria or threats, but it's done now so you have to try and live with it. I would recommend apologising to the child for your overreaction, explaining why you reacted the way you did and ending with a firm agreement for child to not do it again.

BiggerBoyMadeMeDoit · 25/02/2023 11:31

YABU @Rabbitheadlights

I’m late 40’s and I still remember my parent threatening to take me and my two siblings to a childrens home when I was about ten because we had been naughty. It’s cruel.

Explaining the potential consequences is different to threatening.

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 11:32

When I first read this I thought it was an overreaction but now, after considering how id expect school to react, I don't think you're far off. It's a really dangerous situation for him to think threatening anyone with any kind of weapon and he'll probably never consider doing it again.

I think having a proper conversation about knife crime and its implications when you're both calmer will benefit you both too.

Spectre8 · 25/02/2023 11:32

Back in 90s my mum used to use the police as a deterrent so I dont see the issue to be honest.

SilkenDisorder · 25/02/2023 11:33

There are good reasons to apologise to d for getting angry at times.

If you have gotten angry for something you wouldn’t usually, or reacted sharply with them because you are indisposed (illness, bereavement, stressed etc.) then is a good time to apologise immediately and show them that it’s not ok to do that. It’s important to show you are human and make mistake too, and can be a great way to demonstrate how to apologise/climb down from a mistake.

But op this is NOT that situation.

You did the right thing.

WiIson · 25/02/2023 11:33

Well hopefully he's learnt a lesson from it. Maybe apologize to him for getting so angry, but explain why you did.

HelpMeGetThrough · 25/02/2023 11:34

Sometimes a short, sharp shock is needed and that's what he got. I wouldn't apologise for it and wouldn't tolerate it, in the same way you didn't.

When our eldest (now 21) went through a phase of hitting at junior school, I threatened the same, as the school did bugger all. He didn't believe I would do it, until one day a PCSO turned up for a word with him. He never did it again. School didn't like it, but that was their problem, not mine.

cheatingcrackers · 25/02/2023 11:35

I do think you over reacted but it upset you particularly because of your bereavement and that’s understandable. I’ve definitely over reacted to things my kids have done because of my own history.

Im not sure the school analogy is meaningful because kids tend to behave differently at home/with siblings than they do at school/with peers - though obviously I take that back if you think there would be the slightest risk of DS behaving that way at school.

A calm talk later about why it upset you so much and the implications of messing around with weapons would probably be worthwhile.