9yr old and knife

[Rabbitheadlights]

So ... My 9yr old just picked up a butter knife and threatened my 7yr old with it ... In a half joke half serious manner (they were bickering about something or other) Well, I absolutely lost it. I told him to go get dressed and that I was taking him to the police station, that he should say goodbye to his siblings, and take one last look at his bedroom because he was going to jail for a very long time and he would be an adult by the time he got out!

I was kind of lost in how angry I was, for context a friend's son was murdered age 16 in January last year and although we aren't very close it was just far too close to home for me and it's something I think about often.

So my AIBU is should I have been able to control my reaction?

He was really scared, crying asking me not to take him etc ... But all I could think was good, I'm glad he's scared.

We have spoken now and I have told him that I won't be taking him to the police station but that if he ever was to do do anything like that again I absolutely will! but I haven't apologised for my reaction because I need him to understand how serious this is.

But I don't know, was it too much?

Tia

@Cocobutt nobehaviour like this before, and he picked it up.

Good for you he will never do it again

@2bazookas thanks for the considered response will bear that in.minf when we chat later

Thank you.
He still says now. I never thought you'd do that mum he remembers it vividly.

Well my 9YO knows that he's under the age of criminal responsibility so wouldn't be arrested or taken to prison. So I think you ridiculously over reacted to say that.

Bollocking him fine. Punish him is fine. But don't make ridiculous threats you can't follow through with.

I think you are a bloody star Mum, just what was needed to nip this in the bud, that is the opposite of lazy parenting. I applaud you !

I think you reacted fine- I’d have the calm chat later but sometimes the sheer horror of your reaction is needed to send a message.

I think you were projecting what happened to your friend's son onto your son's situation.

Ranting and raving at a child and making idle threats is not the way to teach them anything - apart from that they should fear you and your reactions and to not trust you. Be cross, be clear it's unacceptable and calmly explain why - having a personal anecdote is a brilliant way to bring the message home. You were out of control and good parenting never happens when you're out of control.

YANBU to want to underscore the seriousness of messing about with knives, even blunt knives in a half-joking way.

But losing it with your children is never OK. It’s understandable in the circumstances why you reacted with such anger, and we all overreact sometimes. But it doesn’t make it OK.

I think an apology for the overreaction is in order, but you can do that while explaining why you reacted the way you did and underscoring the seriousness of knives.

This. While it needed a 'strong' response. To outright lie isn't good. He will likely remember this as a teen or adult and not believe what you say. Hopefully not but as a parent of a teen now going through a bad time. They can hold everything against you.

I think being annoyed as you were without saying he would be in jail for years age 9 would have been better.

YABU because you told him an absolute lie to frighten him. Reminds me of the kind of stories parents and grandparents used to tell kids when I was little to keep them in line. The police will come to take you away, you’ll get taken to the children’s home etc. It made some kids of my generation feel their parents made things up all the time and you couldn’t trust anything they told you.

And no, of course a “cuddly chat” as you put it wasn’t appropriate either. You can give a child a serious talking to without making up outlandish stories. A child his age is capable of understanding that someone could be badly hurt and threatening someone is a very serious matter.

Jesus your poor son. You treated him appallingly for something that most kids have probably done at some point. The correct reaction would have been “Put that knife down at once, and don’t you ever ever wave it around at anyone again, whether in a jokey manner or otherwise”. And then you could have given him a talk on the danger of playing with knives inappropriately. Your reaction was downright cruel, and must have made your child (and probably his brother too) feel very unsafe, which is quite ironic really.

Most kids HAVEN’T. Threatened siblings with blades-Where the heck do you live?!
OP is quite right to come down hard on this behaviour.

@LittleBearPad no, the stations wont be full of parents at all. As its not common for 9 year olds to threaten a sibling with a knife after being told not to and the reasons why

But i do know the police would definitely take the time to speak to a 9 year old about knife crime. Especially one who has continued to threaten his sibling with a knife after being told of the dangers.
A 9 year old is old enough to understand the seriousness after being told by its parents, so if it were to happen again, they would speak with them.

At 9, there are already kids that age in gangs carrying. So again yes, they would take the time for a chat to educate them.

I doubt the gangs are carrying butter knives to be fair.
I would check what he's watching on tv and computer OP. And talk to him.

So you gave your kid the potentially permanent psychological link between the police and his mum losing her temper. And the inclination to believe that any future threats of consequences might be part of an elaborate theatrical mind game. Not ideal going forward.

Discipline shouldn't involve lies and acting.

I doubt the gangs are carrying butter knives to be fair

Misses the point massively.

Blades? It’s a fucking butter knife! I would say that at least 2 of my 5 children have threatened to stab one of their siblings with a butter knife or fork while bickering at the breakfast table. Your job,as a parent, is to teach them not to mess about with potentially dangerous instruments, in a calm and collected manner. This should never involve emotionally abusing them!

Picking up a bytterknufe and cracking a shit joke when annoyed is not threatening a sibling with a blade ffs

A knife is a knife.
It’s the principle of the thing.
As Pp have said, op’s son reached for it and threatened a sibling.
Could have been a blue steel chef’s knife.

Most kids don’t threaten with bladed objects or forks.

Not missing the point at all@tiggergoesbounce. Just trying to point out that there seems to be a lot of hyperbole and hysteria on this thread.
A butter knife is not the same as a 'blade' and I doubt from what the OP has said that her 9 year old is in a gang and carrying.

It’s easy to see why society has gone tits up with out of control kids with parents minimising bad behaviour .

”Oh it’s only a butter knife”
Missing the point entirely.

Knife crime amongst young kids is an increasing problem.
Hopefully OP’s son will not repeat it or escalate.

Yes and he was half joking when he did it so obviously didnt realise the seriousness @oakleaffy.
Talk seriously to him and keep an eye on what he's watching woukd be my approach. Not lose the plot and threaten him with all sorts of ridiculous consequences.

And people seem to be missing the point that it's out of control behaviour - which the OP has now perfectly modelled to her kids - that is a huge part of the problem with knife crime.
Not butter knives.

Ah I wouldn't worry op, my mum actually took me to the police station when i was a child, we both were pushing each others bluff. I ended up walking in and telling them I was there because I had been naughty and my mum running in, grabbing me and apologising to the police officer profusely.

It's just another funny story now.