DP can’t keep his hands off of me

[7whiteclouds]

DP has always had a high sex drive; I’ve always had a lower one.

we have been together 10+ years and have children together.

he has always enjoyed receiving physical affection; I appreciate thoughtful acts higher than physical affection.

we clearly have differences in how we like to show and receive affection but somehow we’ve always managed to make it work. Despite the usual moan of “you don’t give me enough physical affection” whenever we have an unrelated fall out.
I’ve recently discovered that this transcribes as “you don’t initiate sexual intimacy with me”.

over the years we’d probably have sex once per week on average - usually initiated by DP. He’d usually be quite touchy feely with me at other times during the week, but wouldn’t push for things to go further if I’d said no. However, over the past 6 months DP appears to literally want his hands all over me 24/7 and seems to want sex daily. He says it’s because he’s attracted to me, he wants to feel close to me, and also wants sex. I however, don’t. I’m still happy for the usual once per week.

however to me, I constantly feel like I’m being groped and feel like he has his hands all over me just so he can try and get sex. He is constantly trying to put his hands in my bra, touch me through my knickers etc, even at inappropriate times. Even when I say no he still tries to continue to push things in hope that I change my mind. It takes a long time for him to stop after I’ve made it clear I’m not interested. Even when I’m unwell he’ll still continue to try to push things further. I constantly feel like I’m having to apologise for saying no because I’m not in the mood/unwell/stressed/tired/just don’t want sex.

I have had multiple big talks (and arguments) with him about how I’m not comfortable with this, he says he understands my point but nothing seems to have changed, despite him
Saying he’ll calm it down.

it’s getting to the point where I feel like he’s an actual “sex pest” and it’s pushing me further and further away.

we don’t have the best of relationships, but this is just making me at times feel cold towards him.

I don’t know what to do next as he clearly isn’t listening to me?

@BabyOnBoard90

Not everyone perceives being groped by their spouse as assault 🥱

How disingenuous.

It's unwanted touching. That's assault.

The fact you don't think the below is 100% sexual assault is disgusting.

He is constantly trying to put his hands in my bra, touch me through my knickers etc, even at inappropriate times. Even when I say no he still tries to continue to push things in hope that I change my mind. It takes a long time for him to stop after I’ve made it clear I’m not interested. Even when I’m unwell he’ll still continue to try to push things further.

He knows she doesn't like it, she has told him.

He doesn't stop when she says no.

Wtf is wrong with you?

Blimey. A key problem is that he's not meeting HER need to not be groped at constantly. She doesn't consent, he's sexually assaulting her - he's not the victim here.

If she gave in to sex she didn't want in order to stop him sexually assaulting her, you know that's not consent, right? That would be rape.

He's free to leave her if he isn't happy with not getting his "needs" met.

That poster also thinks wives should submit to strong husbands so they clearly have a skewed idea of a healthy relationship

For fucks fucking sake, really?

Couples therapy with abusive people DOES NOT WORK.

Strangely enough, men who are creepy enough to touch up their partners like this repeatedly when the partners have said "no" don't magically change in front of a therapist. Instead they often also manipulate the therapist.

Compatibility really isn’t a factor in these facts.

With a compatibility issue, two loving adults would discuss it and work out a compromise position or agree that the incompatibility can’t be overcome. It wouldn’t involve constant unwanted sexual touching by one party on the other in the face of repeated requests to stop.

That’s just sexual assault which is a crime.

He is making you feel like your sole primary reason for being in his life is for sexual gratification,
It's real nasty, when someone who is supposed to love and cherish makes you feel like the lowest basic denominator makes you feel like a blow up sex doll purchase from Adult entertainment shop ,

I can amagine he makes you feel too like he views you like Adult entertainment porn extra,

Op.
Please 🙏 get rid of this sex pest creep

Just reading about him is creeping me out,

I amagine he has treated his ex girlfriends/ partners like this in past, and made out it was something wrong with them,

Just cause you are in a relationship,
It doesn't mean he is entitled to access to your body 24 hours a day , even if your married to him,

Seriously off putting,

Disrespectful behaviour has the opposite effect of what he is hoping it will have too,

No wonder 🤔 you are not in mood for being intimate with him,

There is more to relationship than this,
Don't accept it,

Even if a couple has out of balance sex drives
There still needs to be respect there, and understanding

Tell him to go and buy sex doll or save up sdx doll 🤖 Robort, Op,

You can never and I suspect any other future girlfriends or partners of this sex pest endless fulfil Needy basic urges of this one

Op im curious about your income. You said you've got no money behind you yet there's a 6 figure income into the house.

Is he restricting your access to money? Making you pay more than your fair share towards bills? Splurging on luxuries for himself while you pay for everything for the children?

If so could be financial abuse.

Typo mistakes
Tell sex pest partner save up for a sex doll robot 🤖

Or
Better still became a Adult entertainment port star

If you have kids, teach them better boundaries than the ones you (don’t) seem to have.

I was married to a sex pest. I'm sorry you are going through this op. Something that helped me was being really straight with him. We sat down to talk and he moaned on about our lack of sex life (twice a week but he wanted every other day). He had a right rant about how frustrated he was etc. then when it was my turn I told him that I did not want him to touch me intimately without my consent. And asked him if he understood that, he replied that he did. I told him how his behaviour was very very upsetting and that I was suffering terribly. So I then said. that if he did touch me without my consent I would consider it a sexual assault. He was furious but I stuck to my guns.

Took him a grand total of two bloody days to shove his hand up my skirt as I walked upstairs!.

That was my big wake up call. He knew how this was effecting me, he knew that this wasn't consensual, he knew I was taking this as a sexual assault. And he still did it. And that's how much he cared about me.

As I was preparing to leave things escalated I must warn you just in case.

I left with my kids and just our clothes

I've never regretted it

Best of luck x

I got so fed up with this sort of pawing that I told DH I no longer felt safe to sleep next to him, and I went to the spare room. He was shocked to hear his behaviour framed as sexual assault, apologised and begged me to come back to bed. I did, he stopped. We basically don't have sex anymore. It's not great but I'm hopeful that we can rebuild the relationship rather than split up. Like you, we have kids and don't really want to split if we can fix it eventually. Good luck OP.

What do you want her to do, report it to the police? Convince her to do that then.

It's my opinion. Convince OP to do whatever is right, instead of trying to force a random to adopt your view.

@TryingToBeBetter2023

Her partner constantly 🐾 pawing at her and her not wanting to be up for it,
like a Adult porn star 🎥 film entertainer in America,

His pawing at her is not a sign that he is being sexual deprived of his intimacy sexual needs
On contrary
He sees views sex as being primary fulfilling his body urges,

Intimacy is about connecting in a Consenual sensual way/ respecting each others emotional/sexual needs

It's also about communicating in a good way ,in words and actions,

Such as giving each massages , holding hands /giving hugs with no pressure or expectation of sex following after like its desserts menu gaurenteed on offer,

It's about creating ambience or going out for a tasty meal or making a tasty meal for someone you feelings for

I strongly suggest there is no way Op@7whiteclouds

Could do this any of this kind of thing, without her partner trying it on, whithout him thinking she is giving him green light, to have sex with her,

I can amagine /wouldn't be susprised if he attempts to pawing her sexually or attempts to do something sexual either to her or front if her whilst she is sleeping ,
Or
If she has a drink, and drunk or semi conscious
He takes advantage of her,

Does he do or tried to do that Op@7whiteclouds 🤔?

I've already told OP to leave him if she feels so strongly. It's worrying people are overlooking this just to engage in pointless debate.

Your opinion is not compatible with the law

And no matter how many times you try to shut me down I will not stop pointing out to anyone who minimises sexual assault, abuse etc that they are wrong

You act like the posters replying to you are somehow letting the OP down. The only people letting the OP down are the people putting the blame on her, minimising the partners behaviour and pretending this isn't assault and abuse.

Abuse escalates. The next step from sexual assault is rape. Its worrying you are overlooking this just to engage in pointless debate about how it's not a man's fault

Thankfully I can't imagine it'll be that difficult basic sense and logic. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or they're incompatible just leave them, instead of arguing with strangers on the net.

Please reach out to Stop Domestic Abuse or similar; they will be able to support and advise you. There are also agencies who support survivors of sexual abuse. Your fears about being destitute if you left him sound to me as if they've been stoked by him - does he tell you the kids and you would be homeless/destitute without him? Because you wouldn't; what you would be is free, and safe. Please prioritise freeing yourself from this pest.

Can't see where I've said it's not his fault. I responded to OP. You're the one quoting me

I think it's clearly a factor. But there's nothing stopping OP from leaving and contacting the police if she feels otherwise.

OP I really hope you've stopped having sex with him completely now. He is sexually assaulting you daily, you can just tell him sex is completely off the table now.

Don't stay so your kids have a nice house. Imagine if they found out when they were older that their nice childhood was only possible because their mother put up with sexual abuse. They'd be horrified, right? You should be horrified too.

So it's your opinion still that this is a? compatibility issue, not sexual assault?

And you’re clearly unable to distinguish between compatibility and consent.

But there’s no arguing with stupid🤷‍♀️

if she feels so strongly

Disgusting.