To have said no to babysitting DS’ girlfriends children?

[mdfriend]

Looking for an unbiased opinion to see if I'm BU. DS is 17, he's been in a relationship with a woman for about 2 months. She's 23 and has 2 DCs, 4 and 2.

I'm not happy about the relationship due to her age, and I think it's moving too quickly with DS meeting her children already.

A couple of weeks ago, I came back home and the 2 year old was here with DS, apparently, his gf had asked him to look after her whilst she took the eldest to an appointment. I wasn't happy as I wasn't asked and again, their relationship is new.

DS has asked me to look after her children next weekend so they can go out on a date, apparently her family aren't involved neither are the children’s fathers and usually her friend looks after them but she's also busy.

I've said no, which DS has said I'm being unfair and selfish as I won't be doing anything anyway. I've also never met the eldest, and only met the youngest briefly.

WIBU by saying no?

YANBU. It’s far too early to be introducing a new partner never mind a new grandma figure. The kids don’t know you so you shouldn’t be baby sitting BUT if this relationship lasts long term you want both DS and new DIL to be onside. You will need to tread carefully.

An adult with children going out with a 17 year old and introducing the children already is a big red flag, even without the babysitting request.

The babysitting request is ridiculous.

You are being completely reasonable.

As a mother you wouldn't be babysitting my child unless I personally knew you a long time and also knew that you were capable of looking after a 4 year old

Oh and I'm in my 40s, and know people both younger and older who are not capable of looking after my DD.

Nope, you’re under no obligation to babysit for anyone for any reason. His choice to date someone with children and up to her / them to arrange childcare.

Please make sure your son is using condoms. She will be pregnant again soon.

YANBU. If he wants to date a woman with kids maybe he needs to appreciate that going out on dates is hard to organise and/or expensive.

No you're not BU. I have a 17yo and wouldn't do it either. I probably would've made up something to do as an excuse though, just to avoid the argument! Passive resistance to the relationship, rather than actively undermining it...

I wouldn't be babysitting kids if the partner when it's that short of a relationship. It's far too soon for him to have met them.

YANBU perhaps you need to have a discussion about contraception, boundaries and how healthy relationships work, 2 months is a disturbingly small amount of time and I would question the motives of a 23 Yr old mother of two wanting to start something with a 17yr old boy.

YANBU, you’d still be perfectly reasonable if these were his kids too. They will be walking all over you if you let them so stick to your guns.

Oh and his girlfriend is looking for another adult to dump her children on.

Otherwise why would she be glad her boyfriend of a few weeks mother is looking after her children?

However if this 17 year old is adult enough to date a 23 year old with 2 children then he/she are adult enough to work this out on their own!

how judgemental towards her.
probably be nice if her partners mother was nice to her seeing as she hasnt got any family round.
Win all round. Crap and unsupportive parenting otherwise.
upset your son due to your disagree with the gf.

here we go with the age gap crap again. Perhaps they just liked each other and got on.

Not with a relationship of around 2 months.

It would be different if it was 2 years.

I wouldn't be babysitting kids if the partner when it's that short of a relationship. It's far too soon for him to have met them

Agree.
It shows poor judgement of the parent to have introduced a new man (boy) within 8 weeks and is already happy to dump her children on his family when one child hasn't met OP and the other only met her briefly.

It shows poor judgement of the OP's son to find himself in mum's latest fella territory after 8 weeks. He probably would do with a reminder of contraception as well before the pair of them decide a baby is a great way of proving they're serious.

It would be good to remind him of this - who the hell wants their 17 year old son stuck with a 23 year old with 2 children and another of his? It's a disaster waiting to happen.

He is 17, if you swapped the sex would you be as supportive?

Anyway OP doesn't owe anyone babysitting

I would not be babysitting. I would not be hosting any of them in my home at all.

YANBU

I have been your son in this situation and needless to say I am not with the single dad any more. Don't facilitate the relationship, though I appreciate that it's hard not to be seen as overly controlling.

There is a bigger age gap between a 17 year old and a 23 year old than say a 25 year old and 32 year old, and say a 58 year old and 66 year old.

If you can't see this then you are very young yourself.

I would tell him that you're not comfortable doing it as it's too soon for you to build a relationship with the children.

It's a couple of months. Not a partner relationship.

It's too soon. He's very young. I don't blame you for having concerns.

Tread carefully though or you'll just drive him away.