To have said no to babysitting DS’ girlfriends children?

[mdfriend]

Looking for an unbiased opinion to see if I'm BU. DS is 17, he's been in a relationship with a woman for about 2 months. She's 23 and has 2 DCs, 4 and 2.

I'm not happy about the relationship due to her age, and I think it's moving too quickly with DS meeting her children already.

A couple of weeks ago, I came back home and the 2 year old was here with DS, apparently, his gf had asked him to look after her whilst she took the eldest to an appointment. I wasn't happy as I wasn't asked and again, their relationship is new.

DS has asked me to look after her children next weekend so they can go out on a date, apparently her family aren't involved neither are the children’s fathers and usually her friend looks after them but she's also busy.

I've said no, which DS has said I'm being unfair and selfish as I won't be doing anything anyway. I've also never met the eldest, and only met the youngest briefly.

WIBU by saying no?

I'm a very experienced mother/granny and I would not babysit children I'd never met, or risk the poor things waking up at night to a total stranger.

If your DS 17 has no experience of small children he should never be left in charge of a 2 yr old he barely knows. Would he know what to do if it choked, bawled for Mum, or filled a nappy?

What a feckless mother she sounds :-( Best give DS some revision study about safe sex.

Sounds like someone’s going to be a Grandma sooner than they expected, his gf will be trying to get pregnant while your babysitting. 😱

Didn’t think of that, but very very good point. shudders

You are quite right to be concerned. And it would be a no.
Your son won't like it. A conversation with him is needed. He is not at the right stage of life to be looking after someone else's two children. And she is at a different stage in her life to dating him. She should find someone her own age.

And what if something happened to either of the children. Or a claim that something happened was made. No.

Yadnbu

Sorry but while I have a 9 year age gap with my partner and met him young, and my mum has (had) an 18 year age gap with my dad, 17 is very young and it's just a quite well observed truth that boys tend to mature emotionally a bit slower than girls.

I would not be comfortable with this, the combination of the girlfriend being so happy to leave her kids with someone she doesn't know and who the DC don't know, the fact she's got with a 17 year old, the fact her own family are "not involved".... these are all signs that this woman is ill equipped emotionally.

you are being unreasonable. It's your son's home and if he wants to babysit his girlfriend's child there I don't see a problem.

Really? Do you think a boy of 17 has any notion of what risks his home might pose to any 2 yr old? Or much clue what a 2 yr old might get up to while !& is on his phone/playing games?

OP's home was probably geared to the safety of a 2 yr old 15 years ago; I bet it isn't now . Nor is mine.

I take it the girlfriend's DC have different fathers?

It sounds like he’s play acting families. Except with a real family. What is she doing with a 17 year old?!

nothing to do with the man then that she got pregnant?

Crap and unsupportive parenting otherwise.

Leaving your precious small children with your new teen boyfriend that you’ve only known two minutes or his mother is crap parenting. Op and her ds could be anybody (no offence). The girlfriend clearly doesn’t give a shit who has the kids as long as it isn’t her. And perhaps the family have backed off because she was constantly abandoning the poor little ones with them.

I sincerely hope that my ds would have more sense that to get involved with someone like this, but if he didn’t I would judge and I certainly wouldn’t be supportive. I’d be telling him to run a mile. Op is nbu.

Sorry but when I was 17 I wasn’t bothered about using protection or the consequences as I knew I could walk away. It’s a horrible thing to say but the truth but my speed donor wasn’t a great role model. All I would have carried about in the heat of the moment would be the sex

Sperm donor not speed, but he did make a speedy exit as a father

she sounds like an utter weirdo. I had 2 children by 23 and I can assure you 17 year olds were not my on radar. 🤢

How did they meet is an interesting question.

A 17 year old boy does not typically mix with 23 year old women with two kids.

Its possibly online but that also begs a few questions too.

Well having two kids with different guys at 19 and 21 I don’t think she’s very picky. It’s now another two years so she must be ready for another child again

he not a child for gods sake, your talking as if he is 12.

Anyone is susceptible to abuse or manipulation. its not the age its the person.

He could even be manipulative towards her.

That is funny, and sad, @Andypandy799 :)

That is a fair age gap though. However the fact that we are talking about a 17 year old is concerning. I've had age gaps myself but I fail to see what on earth a 23 year old mother is doing with a 17 year old child.

Why the fuck is she dating a child at her age? Fucking gross.

No, I've never met his gf whenever I mention it he says she's busy, which I understand she could be as she has 2 children but he also says that during the day when the children are at nursery, she does work 2 days a week according to DS but he says she's busy all week, which seems to be an excuse.

He did ok on his GCSEs but does need to resit maths, he isn't doing anything at the moment. He was going to college but he quit his course due to his MH and is going to start another in Sept.

He does seem to see her often, and he regularly goes over to her house of an evening I'm not sure if her children are there, but I assume they probably are. I have tried speaking to him about my concerns the relationship is moving quick but he says it isn't and he can do what he likes etc, this is his first proper relationship which is probably why he isn't listening, along with his age!

My DS met his GF at 17 and she already had two children (3 and 5 yrs), she is 5 years older than him too and they are still together 7 years later and have another child. I wasn't impressed but I accepted them all as family and to be honest the responsibility has made him grow up a bit, which he needed (prob would have been in prison by now!) but that isn't always the case.

I would say you can't babysit at the moment but maybe get to know the children a bit with the possibility of babysitting in the future.

Mumsnet spends its life telling people not to be judgemental etc and be kind and then theres people who are slagging this woman off , they dont even know.

Even if she has got two kids with different dads its not uncommon today. I bet theres plenty of people on here who had different fathers for their children.
Shame on people running down a woman they dont know, how dare she have two kids by different dads and she got pregnant all on her own of course.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with that at all