To those who didn't want Children by choice?

[girlfriend44]

Families are everywhere. Everyone seems to have Grandchildren which in turn leads to family parties and celebrations and get togethers. You either hear about it or see it on FB.

The world seems to be geared to Families.
If you didn't want children, do you worry about missing out on grandchildren etc?
Everyone seems to have them or am I only seeing the ones that do?
How do you feel about seeing people with children and grandchildren?
Do not wish to disclose my position as like to remain private before anyone asks why I'm asking.

I enjoy reading these threads. It's great hearing about the lives childfree people have.
I have a child, I love her and glad she's here but she was a total accident. If I'd thought long and hard about it I may have stayed childfree.
I've loads of childfree friends, so much so that it almost seems unusual to not be. A lot of them are people I've known since school. Great careers, opportunities, holidays. It's nice talking to them about things which are more interesting than children.

I can't stand children. I hate the noise, the mess, the show offs, the school bullies, my own aren't bad but I don't like others much so I can sort of understand. I'm autistic though.

Far from being geared towards families, the world is currently making it really hard to have a family - hence the uk’s worryingly ageing population.

THIS!! 💯%

I didn’t have children to see my genes continue, that never crossed my mind. Sounds a pretty egotistical reason to me.

That’s why all animals reproduce. The egotism would be in assuming humans are any different.

Animals reproduce as they have an urge to fuck, the pregnancy is a byproduct.

I became a step-parent at 20, put my heart and soul into it. Did everything any normal parent would do, I love and protected my DSS's they were 2 & 4 at the time. Now 18 & almost 20 I'm mid 30's. I don't feel the need to have my own DC. I feel I've had the best of both. We now have 2 wonderful well rounded young men who are independent and I now have my life and I've now got my career. I will also be a grandparent to their children eventually so no I don't feel as though I've missed out but maybe if I hadn't of become a step-parent and didn't have my own DC I'd feel differently.

You seem to be focusing on grandchildren. I have children but have no expectations of having future grandchildren. It's not an assumption I make. As long as my children are happy adults I wouldn't mind at all if they choose not to have children.
I have quite a few friends without children by choice. They certainly don't feel they're missing out. They look at families and really feel immense relief that they don't have that all consuming responsibility of raising children. They often tease me about how much easier their lives are than mine! I don't blame them. Their lives are rich and fulfilling in a different way to mine.

It's strange for anyone to blankety declare they don't live children, childfree or parent, and makes me think there's more going on.

Children range from newborns to near adults. They're all parented differently with various personalities. Some are annoying and rude, some are charming, polite, outgoing, quiet...

Saying you don't usually like [other] children/are not interested is fair enough, but the blanket statements from anybody get an eye roll from me

Children range from newborns to near adults. They're all parented differently with various personalities. Some are annoying and rude, some are charming, polite, outgoing, quiet...

same is true of dogs, they range in size from puppies to adults and as adults from titchy to huge and all have different personalities but it’s perfectly acceptable to say you don’t like dogs as a blanket statement…….

Subconsciously maybe but I didn’t consciously think, oh I must make sure my genes continue so I guess I’d better have a baby. Adoption wouldn’t exist if that were purely the case. My question was why do some people have such a desperate need to be a grandparent. It can’t be a biological clock as that’s been met. People complain that their (usually) mothers go on about when are they going to make them a grandparent and I wondered why.

It's not generally acceptable to rule out a whole group of people - 'I don't like old people'

I like kids, my nieces, nephews and my friends kids are all great. I like the toddler stage when they're learning who they are and how to navigate the world and when they're teenagers and you can have grown up conversations and listen to their views on the world. Just never wanted any of my own and with the state of the world as it is now I'm very glad I feel this way. I think having kids in the hope you get looked after when you're old is weird and selfish and I think being unable to fathom why childfree people come on a busy message board with a huge variation of topics is also a bit weird.

😂😂

On that basis, you must like everybody in the world.
But I bet you don't

Loud, stucky and unpredicable...
best description of kids ever!

Because it's interesting to see how children are being parented today, given that I will be 'reliant on them for care' (apparently according to many posts here) in the future.
TBH, it's very scary - some parenting attitudes are weird, obtuse or just plain selfish, which doesn't bode well for the DCs becoming adults

Honestly, if I could skip straight to the stage of having adult children with young grandchildren who I could look after for a few hours before giving them back, I might do it. But I don't want that enough to go through 18+ years of raising my own children first, and doing so wouldn't guarantee I'd end up with grandchildren anyway.

I agree

Oh, that's briiliant @Peekatyourbeak 😂

👆🏻

Not everyone's universe revolves around children and I think it's quite rude to ask these sorts of questions. Who really cares why people choose what they choose. No one is asking parents why they had kids.

Not sure why the pointy finger 🙄

Studied behavioural ecology/genetics for four years. This is a blunt way to put it, but accurate!

The "urge" to become a parent is 100% cultural. There'd be no reason or pathway for us to evolve it. Nature takes care of pregnancies happening in the first place already!

I should probably clarify that "cultural" doesn't mean "fake" or "bad", just like "natural" urges aren't always "good". It just is what it is. I get plenty of urges that certainly feel very strong and even primal, but are the result of the social values I've learned during my lifetime.

I really wish people would stop expecting us to explain our childless status. I wouldn't ask a parent to explain to me why they have children!

When I meet someone for the first time it's often one of the first questions that gets asked - why? There are so many reasons women don't have children, it's really not that unusual but for some it can be an upsetting question.

Just leave his alone.