To those who didn't want Children by choice?

[girlfriend44]

Families are everywhere. Everyone seems to have Grandchildren which in turn leads to family parties and celebrations and get togethers. You either hear about it or see it on FB.

The world seems to be geared to Families.
If you didn't want children, do you worry about missing out on grandchildren etc?
Everyone seems to have them or am I only seeing the ones that do?
How do you feel about seeing people with children and grandchildren?
Do not wish to disclose my position as like to remain private before anyone asks why I'm asking.

My brother and sister don't have kids. Their lives are manic. They've never wanted them. Every couple of months they may take my kids out for tea. Enjoy seeing them at Christmas. Text them etc but they have no patience and don't really like other kids. They are both strict with mine and admit they wouldn't bake good parents. I think you can be child free but still enjoy spending time with kids.

People are all different. Not everyone likes the same things.

To me, children just seem like an utter inconvenience/burden. I like going on nice holidays, nice food, nice wine, reading, tattoos, films, travel. I'm an introvert, I like alone time, lie ins, and I like a lot of quiet.

Kids are loud, messy, for years can't control their bodily functions, they talk non stop, they make lots of awful noise, they require a lot of assistance/intervention with lots of things. I'm just not a fan. Most social things involving young children are my idea of hell. So why would I choose to have children or want grandchildren if this is how I feel?

Yes, if all your friends have children. Which, if you’re childfree, your friends also tend not to because you gravitate towards childfree friends. My Facebook feed is currently full of photos of carnival in Venice and Rio, posts asking who’s planning on going to which festivals, advertising this weekend’s club night they’re DJing at, asking who’s definitely going to Burning Man this year, photos of pretty spring gardens, post-Brighton Half Marathon meeting arrangements. I honestly can’t remember the last time a child or family photo appeared in my feed - probably Christmastime when old schoolmates who do have children went overboard with posting those smug piles o’ presents and kids in pyjamas photos.

I get it, I'm always hearing people say I am going to stay with my daughter,or I've got the grandkids staying overnight and what about when you need help maybe when your older whose going to look out for you?
Not that that is the reason for having children but it can help.
My own mother would not have managed her care home and end of life etc if she hadn't had the support of myself and my siblings.
One of us was always there for her . Also children can act as Power of Attorneys, sort finances etc. It won't the same with friends tbh.
They won't do all that.

Indeed!

I never wanted children and have enjoyed my child-free life. We've been able to travel extensively, take very early retirement and have no regrets.

I don't dislike children - I was a secondary school teacher - but I'm not fond of them, especially little ones.

I get what you’re saying OP. And it does worry me.

I LOVE big, noisy, family get togethers. Unfortunately, my family are quiet and don’t like each other 😁 so yes, my regret around not having my own DCs is I’ll never get to have that “matriarch” role and a big family around me. I have SDCs who I love to bits and I think they honestly love me, but it’s two SDSs and SDD. I think a paternal grandfather probably most often has the least relationship with GDCs iyswim so I suspect a paternal DSGM has an even smaller relationship.

Anyway, I get where you’re coming from, but there’s plenty other love and happy things going on so it’s not really a big worry. I’ll make sure to get myself serious hobbies once the SDCs leave home!

I have four adult Dc's aged 36-42, but fate has decreed that it is extremely unlikely that I will ever be a grandmother (there were a couple once but traumatically lost) but the awful thing is people assume that as I am of an "age" and they know I have 4 offspring, that I am a grandmother and ask " How many grandchildren have you got? When I say "none" I get the questioning eyebrows and its really too painful to go into long explanations, and why should I?
Being a parent doesn't automatically mean you will be a grandparent, however much you would like it.

Well my mum has 2 kids:

• I live 3 hours away and always will, and will always work full time. And she has far too big of a relationship network where she lives to ever move closer to me.
• My sister lives abroad and comes home for about 2 days once a year.

So should mum need hands on care in her later life, I'm afraid we'll essentially be of no use at all. And the same is true of SO many people DH and I know.

I’m not convinced that going through a (potentially dreadful) pregnancy, giving birth (and potentially ruining my body in the process and aftermath), then spending the better part of two decades of my life being tied down and restricted by a child who I need to feed, look after, care for, worry about, spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on (and all through it try to make sure my husband and I don’t neglect our own relationship) is a proportionate activity to undertake in the hope that one day, said child might help me out a bit in my very old age - provided of course that they aren’t born profoundly disabled, or predecessor me, or move to Australia, or just don’t like me any more than I liked them.

You’ve been around here long enough to know full well why. Stirring the pot again.

what about when you need help maybe when your older whose going to look out for you?

Plenty of people with children will face the same issue. They may be estranged, or the children may live too far away, even on a different continent, or the child they had might have died, or just be too busy with their own lives, or anything really.
That would probably be really hurtful as well, whereas if you've always known you need to make your own arrangments then it's simply a matter of practicalities and you're probably likely to be more proactive about it earlier on as well.

I'm guessing OP doesn't want to say why she asked

perhaps it's like my old flatmate, she told me "you'll have to get married amd have kids because everyone else will".

I know some posters seem to be in tune with what OP is thinking, I wonder if anyone can elaborate?

I found Mumsnet while searching a beauty product on Google. Initially I mainly browsed and posted in the style and beauty board, later on I realised how hilarious AIBU can be and I also enjoy the chat and telly addicts boards.
I've never once bothered with any of the parenting topics as they're not relevant or of interest to me.
Being childless doesn't stop us having the same "other interests" as people with children.....what a strange question as clearly Mumsnet is a much broader discussion forum than just parent/children related issues🙄

Oops sorry, I quoted the wrong post......but I totally agree with HeadacheEathquake 🤣

Talk about oversensitive!

I was curious about what would bring a person without children to a site called MUMSnet, so asked about it. Most posters responded with answers that I can understand, without any snappiness or rudeness

It’s not over-sensitivity. Every single time there is a post about women who don’t have children, someone pops up to ask what we’re doing here. As if we need to have given birth in order to understand the complexities of parking diagrams or horrible mils. It’s tiresome and short sighted.

To answer the original question, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on family celebrations and get togethers. We have lots of nieces, nephews, god children and cousins with young children, and we’re the ‘fun’ aunt and uncle who spoil them, feed them E numbers and then send them back to their parents safe in the knowledge that we’ll be able to have a lay in the next morning. I do child care once a week for my nephew. I’m obsessed with this child; he’s absolutely wonderful and I love seeing him. But he’s bloody knackering. Everything we do revolves around keeping him fed, changed, entertained and safe. It’s relentless. And boring. There is no way I’d want to do that every day, even if he does melt my heart. It has never occurred to me to think about not having grandchildren. Why would it? And surely us child free people are proof that having a child of your own doesn’t guarantee grandchildren?

Hated the idea of being pregnant
Labour terrifies me
Worried about passing down health conditions
Don't want to pass on my looks
World we live in today, would not want to bring a child into it.
As others have already said, there are no guarantees that you will be looked after into old age or given grandchildren. My parents have 3 of us and none of us have given them grandchildren.

Quite frankly I can't get my head around why people would have children when instead they could have cats.

My cat goes to the toilet outside, lets himself in and out of the cat flap, I put food and water down for him twice a day, and he's my fabulous cuddle buddy. He doesn't argue with me, get detentions, need ferrying to school or activities daily, and he doesn't require me to watch hideous tv or go to soft play.

He's also far more beautiful than a human child.

It's obvious to me why I wouldn't want children or grandchildren 😄

You can think what you like. I couldnt care less if someone has children or not, but i wonder about their motivations, which is why I clicked on the thread. I wondered whether people without kids ever thought fleetingly about parenthood and whether that was their driver to join the site (in the same way that I wonder about not having kids sometimes, although I dont think id join a childfree by choice forum, unless, like posters have said, id come to it by another direction).

It is the case that I was curious and it is a legitimate question, whether you like it or not.

This.

And I'll add that the old people on our street are looked after by neighbours, not their family.
It's neighbours who do a bit of shopping for them, cut the lawn if they're struggling, look after the dog for a few nights if they're taken ill.
For me it's infinitely more important to build a local community around me than it is to have kids who might move to New Zealand!
DH and I moved to a small market town at 35. By the time we need a little bit of help, we will have lived here for 30+ years and may know a few people willing to help out. And if we dont, we'll pay for it.
And, knowing from the off that we don't have anyone concrete to lean on, we'll absolutely move ourselves into a retirement community when we're at an appropriate age for it.

I found Mumsnet while searching a beauty product on Google. Initially I mainly browsed and posted in the style and beauty board, later on I realised how hilarious AIBU can be and I also enjoy the chat and telly addicts boards.
I've never once bothered with any of the parenting topics as they're not relevant or of interest to me.
Being childless doesn't stop us having the same "other interests" as people with children.....what a strange question as clearly Mumsnet is a much broader discussion forum than just parent/children related issues🙄

I come here to gloat.

😂love this!

Well obviously the world is geared to have families otherwise it would become extinct but if someone doesn’t want children that is a perfectly valid (and sane) choice. I have children, I love my children to bits, they are adult now but if I had a second life to live I would choose to be childless in that one.

I'm 60. Never wanted them for a nano second. Got sterilised at 30
Most of my friend circle ( females and males ) are child free by choice.
We're all living the dream 👌

I’m catfree as well as childfree but your cat sounds lovely!