To those who didn't want Children by choice?

[girlfriend44]

Families are everywhere. Everyone seems to have Grandchildren which in turn leads to family parties and celebrations and get togethers. You either hear about it or see it on FB.

The world seems to be geared to Families.
If you didn't want children, do you worry about missing out on grandchildren etc?
Everyone seems to have them or am I only seeing the ones that do?
How do you feel about seeing people with children and grandchildren?
Do not wish to disclose my position as like to remain private before anyone asks why I'm asking.

@purpleboy I would assume that you saw those threads because you came to the site in the first place though. As such i wondered how the initial "intro" happened, as it were and people have responded to let me know.

This is interesting

mum has observed that - with the childfree people in her long standing circle of friends, they are struggling even more gatherings with other people's grandchildren running around, than when they were in their 40s and had to cope with their friends' children running around. I can see how that works,I feel quite protective of my friends' DC and coped with them because I had to.

Friends' grandkids probably feel very removed, if that makes sense?

in terms of age, I can't talk about it too much because I really don't want to get old. But dad and I have both advocated for oldies in care - both neighbours. Both had children. One neighbour, her DD died before her, the other one, her son lived abroad.

also, mentally my mum is kept going by me. It is a terrible, terrible burden. I love her to bits but would not wish it on anyone. Also, I wouldn't wish old age on anyone. Nothing much will make a difference to it, but friends and neighbours are a big factor in care even if you have kids. I know some people will cheerfully expect their kids to ruin their own lives though.

I like my own children but I don't particularly like other children, TBF though it's probably more the way they are parented that I don't like.

The problem with grandchildren is that you can't get them without the years of labour that having children involves!!!

So those of you who have chosen to be child-free, what’s your desire or hope for later life and care? Thanks

@Coolcoolcool Most people I think hope they will die quick and fast in the night without suffering dementia or serious physical ill health!

I think the child-free issue is a red herring because there are no guarantees in life. No one will children is guaranteed support and care in later life. Children do pre-decease parents. Children move abroad or to locations where they can't help. Some children don't have good relationships with their parents or fall out later in life and don't want to help.

The big problem is for everyone that this is becoming more unlikely because people are living longer. The longer you live the more likely you are to develop dementia of some type.

I know of two people who have been fine up until late 80s/early 90s and just started having failing memory and then been diagnosed with dementia. This is a problem because for most people as that progresses care at home will be beyond the capability of even the most loving family member - it needs things like catheters, incontinence management etc.

My hope for later life is that I am mentally well enough to select my own care preferences and that I am wealthy enough to pay for them.

There are a lot of topics and threads on here which are nothing to do with children or parenting.

If you google for almost anything at all, a MN thread will appear high up in the searches. That's how I got here.

Yep. No children = nobody to worry about leaving an inheritance for. We’ll take out a lifetime mortgage or similar and use all the equity in our home and all our savings to have a blast during retirement, and to prepare for end of life care and arrangements. Surely having children, and having to spend money on them, and feeling like you want to leave them money and assets when you die, as most parents seem to, actually makes planning for a good old age more difficult rather than less?

And I don’t like children in the same way I don’t like dogs. In both cases, some are better trained than others and are tolerable in small doses, but broadly speaking, all small humans share a set of characteristics I find tedious and annoying in the same way as all dogs share a set of characteristics I find a bit gross. Although at last dogs come with the positive of being able to go on nice long walks. I can’t think of any positives to having a child, being that I’ve no interest in taking care of one or teaching it anything or watching it grow.

It’s interesting that when mums say on MN threads that they don’t like kids, only their own, the other posters all laugh and agree.

When childless women say it, we’re prejudiced, weird, or - as I saw on one particular bizarre thread - racist. Oh, and we shouldn’t be on MN.

I wonder what could possibly account for such a difference. I guess we’ll never know.

Knew even as a child myself that i didn't want children, wouldn't want grandkids as that involves children so...

I have friends with children and I'm happy for them but llthe whole world isn't geared towards it, there's lots of stuff, friends, things to do without children.

As for care issues, children doesn't guarentee any help with that, I haven't spoken to my mother in absolutely years, no idea where she lives or her I, so she will have to sort her own care out.

Children just aren't part of my world to be honest, so I don't really notice that they're everywhere.
DH and I holiday when they aren't around (because it's quiet and cheap then), eat out when they aren't around (because we like an 8.30pm table), and see our friends minus their kids (because the parents enjoy a night off, not because the kids aren't welcome).
I simply....forget that kids exist!
As for family get togethers, we've always hosted them because weve got the space and like to cook. And then every now and again we have christmas on our own, which is pure bliss.
My mum has a grandchild, but he lives overseas so she doesn't see him often - lots of people are in the same boat these days.
As I don't want/care about kids, I also don't want/care about grandkids either.
My SIL is currently pregnant so I'm soon to get a niece/nephew. We can always join in with their family get togethers if we want in future, but I don't imagine we'll be too fussed tbh.

I never wanted kids, and fortunately I fell in love and married a man who couldn't have kids anyway.

I won't be missing out. I have my own life.

My aunt sacrificed her retirement to bring up her daughters 2 kids, while the parents worked. When she needed some help, they were all "too busy"...

I honestly can't remember how I ended up here, but I don't think it was child related, I do have 2 DDs, but I don't tend to interact with many threads about children as it doesn't really interest me, so I'm not surprised at all that there and many women here who are child free.
Plus without wanting to sound insensitive those going through fertility issues could be drawn here as from what I've heard the board is very supportive and they stay for the conversation regardless of how their journey turned out?

I quite like kids and all my friends and family with kids think I’m weird because kids are annoying and gross and they only like their own. And you’re right, no one ever says they’re prejudiced or weird or anything.

Anyway… don’t have kids, can’t have kids. Am both childless and childfree. Decided not to have kids at a relatively early age due to the fear that I’d only continue the generational trauma that’s been passed down four for generations. I wanted to heal myself and end my family line. I don’t particularly enjoy the company of children either.

I find it hard sometimes because the world is set up for couples with kids and I’m just me, trying to make my way through things with only myself to rely on. But it is what it is.

For when I get old I’m hoping for assisted suicide. No desire whatsoever to end up in a care home, thanks.

^This.

Leave me and my cats alone with a good book.

Families are everywhere [...] The world seems to be geared to Families.

See, I disagree with that actually. I think most people end up where other people like them are; so if you have kids you tend to live, socialise and just 'be' around other people who have kids, and it's the same for people who don't.

Personally, I don't see families everywhere, and I don't think the world is geared around them either. But then I don't spend a lot of time in places where people with families go.

I don't think that, I can think the sun shines out of my DDS arse but I'm not so self absorbed to think anyone else does. I can absolutely understand why child free people don't like/not interested in kids, anyone who can't or takes it as a personal insult is probably just defensive and insecure about their own life choices.

Never wanted children. I do not have the patience for them and I am far to selfish to want be responsible for a child.

The 'who will look after me when I'm old' thing is odd. Is that really something that people with children think? Do they think 'phhhhew thank goodness we had children, they will look after us when we can't do it ourselves'

If that's true, then I think they are selfish and quite odd TBH

As to why I'm on MN. Classics and AIBU are my guilty pleasure. Passes the time!

Same. No interest in children or grandchildren.

We've made friends with lots of other childless people so our lives are geared towards completely different things.

It dosent matter what my position is I just wanted to hear people's perspectives.
I personally feel I'm surrounded by families and grandkids, and of course now you can see it all the time on FB.

You say that, but eventually the cats will be annoyed by your codependence and will expect YOU to read the book.

<deadpans>

I do perceive the world as being child centric and it pisses me off. Another reason I miss the 90s. Museums and galleries and pubs and cafes were not full of flipping kids.

Not me, I'm not super close to my family anyway but those forced family gatherings aren't personally my idea of fun.

I spend a lot of time with my 'chosen family' (friends and their kids) though.

My in laws spend a lot of time giving free childcare to their grandkids and they're absolutely knackered and quite resentful of it, I'm glad that won't ever be expected of me and I can enjoy my retirement.

I'm aware, however that we'll have to have a plan should we need assistance such as paid help or a retirement community.

Always one has to try and take the Mick and trying to get a laugh on what I'm saying. You obvs don't understand the thread. Perhaps it's not for you.

I think I got here when Screamed At the Michelangelo went semi viral on twitter. Stayed because the childless people here are fucking awesome.

Care to share why you asked?

I don't Facebook, sounds like I am not missing out.