To those who didn't want Children by choice?

[girlfriend44]

Families are everywhere. Everyone seems to have Grandchildren which in turn leads to family parties and celebrations and get togethers. You either hear about it or see it on FB.

The world seems to be geared to Families.
If you didn't want children, do you worry about missing out on grandchildren etc?
Everyone seems to have them or am I only seeing the ones that do?
How do you feel about seeing people with children and grandchildren?
Do not wish to disclose my position as like to remain private before anyone asks why I'm asking.

My younger brother (nine years my junior) is currently my executor and POA. If I outlive him, it passes to his daughters, my nieces in whose lives I am very involved (and I help finance their university studies, for example).

Some people have children who can't be trusted to be their POA...

No kids here, my choice. The thought of having grandchildren in the future didn't even occur to me, hmm I think I prefer peace and quiet.

I know it’s quite unusual for a loving parent but I have no desire to be a grandmother. I’ve never really understood this ‘biological clock’ some women have to be desperate for grandchildren. Yes I’d love them to bits if I have them but where does this ‘need’ to be a grandparent come from? 🤷‍♀️

@BellePeppa

Yes I’d love them to bits if I have them but where does this ‘need’ to be a grandparent come from?

surely the same place more or less as being a parent - seeing our genes passed on through further generations - or less “selfishly” - simply seeing the next generation start doing their thing before we leave the stage.

I never wanted kids but now my friends all have them and I never see them, hear from them, don’t get included in stuff… this Is something I didn’t think would happen!

God no, never wanted children, don't regret not having them, the grandchildren point is completely moot.
I don't like children, I find them noisy and tedious, yes, even yours.

And before I get asked, I'm on MN because I like the Style and Beauty board but sometimes I'm obliged to venture into AIBU to counter ridiculous posts like this one.

I’m 42 and outside of school circles I know a lot more people without kids than with and the ones with seem to bring chaos with them (I have 4 kids and are one of the chaos bringers!)

No children - love my lifestyle, I don't even think about it to be honest.

Are you quite new? There are loads

Never, as far back as I can remember did I ever want children! Have never, ever felt broody, maternal etc. Even committed the MN sin of having a child free wedding and wasn’t in the least bit offended if anyone had to decline because of that. My childbearing years are long gone and I’ve absolutely no regrets whatsoever!

BINGO!

And in answer to the question, my nieces & nephews are lovely but I’ve never been remotely tempted to have kids. Ditto grandkids. I have lots of friends / family & a busy social life but I couldn’t face living with anyone except a cat.

I never wanted them either. I have my sister and nieces and friends kids, so couldn’t give a fuck about not having grandchildren. Plus, one of the reasons I didn’t want kids is cause I didn’t want the responsibility, so definitely wouldn’t want the responsibility of grandkids either lol

Considering the adversarial mil/dil relationships that seem to be the norm on Mumsnet, I suspect that grandchildren cause more stress and unhappiness than joy.

Only if you accept the traditional perspective on the nuclear family which seems to require a) that women stop working and have very little to preoccupy themselves with other than children and b) that as a result the MIL whose children have flown the nest is an overbearing busybody with nothing better to do than stick her nose into her children's family.

'Who do you trust to be your Power of Attorney should you need one?'

There's plenty threads on hear about offspring stealing from elderly parents who trusted them and made them POA.

Got to love when the ‘just curious’ GFs try to stir people up then get sniffy and all in their feelings when people are less than reverent to them.

Short answer to your tediousness : women are not a hive mind monolith.

We have different goals and life experiences and interests and desires.
Those who do not exactly match your world view or interests or experience can live happy, fulfilled lives. If that upsets or disturbs you, that’s your problem to address not anyone else’s to solve.

I will be spending my childless old age in a commune with female friends - many of whom have kids! What they are all clear on is they did not have children as insurance against old age. They are investing in friendships as much as family for the future.

We will care for each other, pay for help and come up with solutions as and when they arise.
There will be cats, dogs, books and wine.
We might even let the odd grandchild stay. Maybe.

Got to love when the ‘just curious’ GFs try to stir people up then get sniffy and all in their feelings when people are less than reverent to them.

Indeed! They are either trolls or people with genuinely such narrow minds they can't understand anything past their own noses.

I feel an immense sense of relief that I didn't have kids, I never wanted them.

That relief stems partly from the terror of being responsible for a helpless child, and worrying about them forever even when grown up. I have a terrific life without them. It is not a perfect life - whose is... but kids and the expense and time and often sheer drudgery and lack of sleep and so on that comes with them is not at my door.

As for care in an older age, I have EPOA set up, I have my will made, I have instructions for what to do with me like a DNR, and I have enough funds to pay someone or some place to look after me. My attorneys know what I would like. If it gets to that stage I won't know or care, I will just be existing anyway.

My nieces and nephews will be quids in when I pop my clogs. I love them all, but am so glad I could hand them back when I had the pleasure of their company when they were younger!

So now I am off researching how to do Brussels, Ghent, Bruges, the Menin Gate and Paschendaele by train for my next trip. No worries about child minding, school holidays and having to be away at the same time as all the other darlings in the world.

It is bliss, and no regrets whatsoever, ever, ever. 😉

If someone didn't want children why on earth would they be sad they didn't have grandchildren?

I didn't have children by choice and I'm perfectly happy. My family is pretty small, parents dead, no siblings, but I don't spend my life feeling sad about it. Reading about some of the family issues on MN makes me realise how lucky I am.

I’m very happily childfree by choice. I never wanted to be a parent, and I didn’t particularly like children even when I was one myself, so why on earth would I want to be a grandparent? If my friends & relatives who dod choose to have children are happy with their life choices, good for them, but I don’t particularly want to interact with said children and I’m definitely not interested in hearing them moan about what a nightmare being a parent is.
I understand that most people do choose to have children, or at least never seriously question the social norms & expectations about having them because ‘it’s just what you do, isn’t it?’. Well, I am not ‘most people’ and I have never wanted to be normal.

If being surrounded by families and children bothers you then it sounds like you're child free but NOT by choice.

I like kids but don't want that responsibility at all. If I think anything when I see families or kids it's either that the kid is cute, or is being a total nightmare and I feel sympathy to the parents. I never think of regrets over my choice.

I do see couples and wish I had a partner though. I'm single but not particularly by choice.

Get off FB. Simples.

Actually, it does matter what your position is, as otherwise you're acting like a journalist, though clearly you are not a journalist.

Same!😂Haven't watched Eastenders in over a week for the first time in years!

OP you seem upset. I hope you’re okay.

power of attorney will initially go to my sister. If need be, it will pass to my goddaughter if she feels okay about it. Otherwise im okay to give it to a friend. If I run out then a solicitor is fine.

Admittedly, one of the friends may turn out to be the child of a friend. But that’s all good. As I said, dad and I have both done it for neighbours. They were like family to us. I’m glad we had them in our lives. Family isn’t always about blood lines.

I do have children and I still have absolutely no desire to live on in a reduced state with someone wiping my arse. Dignitas all the way.