To those who didn't want Children by choice?

[girlfriend44]

Families are everywhere. Everyone seems to have Grandchildren which in turn leads to family parties and celebrations and get togethers. You either hear about it or see it on FB.

The world seems to be geared to Families.
If you didn't want children, do you worry about missing out on grandchildren etc?
Everyone seems to have them or am I only seeing the ones that do?
How do you feel about seeing people with children and grandchildren?
Do not wish to disclose my position as like to remain private before anyone asks why I'm asking.

I don’t feel like children are ‘everywhere’ more than not, I feel like there’s such a mix now. I have DSC so I guess I get the best of both in a sense. DSC have certainly given me more empathy and understanding of those with kids. If anything I am impressed by people who want children despite how hard it is. And I feel my choice not to was correct for me.

I anlso appreciate the childfree time and the places we can go when we don’t have the children.

I certainly don’t feel excluded/worried. I feel lucky I’m allowed to choose and delighted to have so many fabulous children in my life (DSC/nieces/nephews/friends’ kids) that I can step back from when I need space.

@Dacadactyl I joined for stepparent boards, and now I just enjoy random trending threads :-)

This. Most of us surround ourselves with people who are like us: if you have children, most of your friends will probably have children, and will revolve around children, because your life is centred around things which involve children. It will seem as though everyone has children and childfree people are the exception.

Whereas in my world, it’s the other way around. Virtually everybody is childfree and does childfree things. Not wanting or liking children is the default. Nobody thinks of children as something which are missing.

So those of you who have chosen to be child-free, what’s your desire or hope for later life and care? Thanks

Once it gets to that point, and if I need a high level of care, assisted suicide. I don't want to be a burden on anyone when I am unable to care for myself.

I don’t think many see it like this at all to be honest.

Personally, no kids are a relief. I had an accidental pregnancy in my late 20s which ended in miscarriage the day before I had an abortion booked. Sorry if that's insensitive to anyone - but nothing but relief.

I have nephews and nieces who I can play with and hand back. I have a full and fun life with my husband going to gigs and on holiday etc whenever we want to.

I understand that for some women the urge for kids is overwhelming but it's just never been an option/factor for me.

So those of you who have chosen to be child-free, what’s your desire or hope for later life and care? Thanks

Honestly? I'd assume assisted suicide would be legal by that point. Having read some of the care home threads here with people kept in states that would see you prosecuted if it was a pet, I'd really rather go a little earlier. But I do take very good care of my health in terms of diet and fitness - I want whatever years I do have to be as good and pleasant as possible.

@TedMullins

When people on social media announce pregnancies, my instinctive reaction is abject terror and I have to remind myself people do it on purpose and are happy about it 😂

This made me laugh (if it's not crass to say so), as I feel exactly the same. I'm always surprised at first when I find out people in my cohort are pregnant, or that old school friends have kids. It's so unnatural to me that I find it hard to comprehend that for most other people it is literally the most natural thing in the world.

Always strikes me as slightly odd when people say they don’t like children.

I mean I don't dislike them in the way I'd dislike a horrible person or anything like that, I just have no interest in small children and find them loud, sticky and unpredictable in their movements. I have no idea what to say to them.
Teenagers are cool if they're not arseholes.

If you don’t want children why would you want grandchildren? Lots of people don’t like or want children & that’s including grandchildren and feeling obliged to look after them.

Laugh away! I'm aware this is totally me projecting but I also think 'well, there goes anything fun and interesting you could've done with your life'. I know plenty of people find parenting fun and interesting but it's never remotely appealed to me.

But I don't want to interact with children and to be honest I've struggled to see any positive traits!

Very true. Many people spend more time looking after their grandchildren than they really want to.

Oh great another ‘just curious’ thread about being child free where the poster v conveniently won’t disclose their situation yet their bias is clear.

If you don’t have the wit or understanding to get that people without children can still have lives and families and a social life then I suggest you spend some time working on yourself as your world view is extremely limited.

And as for the ‘what will you do when you’re old’ - do you think care/retirement homes only have childless people in?
Honestly baffles me when people ask this.
Children grow up to be autonomous adults - just like you! - who have their own lives and plans, with no obligation to become a carer for a parent who had them as an insurance policy.

As for they ‘why do you childless people come to a site for mummies!’ - also please broaden your world view. It’s very sad that you seem to be so unaware of the breadth of topics on a site you have such weird ownership of : do you really think the only thing women who have proceeated talk about - or should be interpreted in - is children?

I don't have kids because I really don't like children. Therefore not having them around, or having future grandchildren around, is a great source of happiness and freedom for me. Women fought long and hard for the choice to be free of marriage and children, and this freedom is still comparatively recent in the UK (contraceptive pill invented in the 1960s). All over the world there are societies where women still don't have this choice. I am thankful and view it as a blessing that I am free to live a life where I don't have children.

Absolutely valid to feel that way. It’s also fine for mums to think single, childfree people have nothing fun and interesting in their lives. Seems like there are members of both “sides” who pity the other.

Pay for it.

Honestly elder care is something that should be considered by all, not just the childfree. Having children is no guarantee of care in old age.

Grandchildren? Hell, no. I never wanted any children so why on earth would I want grandchildren?

Am I supposed to have mellowed or something? Didn't happen 🤷

Talk about oversensitive!

I was curious about what would bring a person without children to a site called MUMSnet, so asked about it. Most posters responded with answers that I can understand, without any snappiness or rudeness.

Thanks for explaining what a child is 😂😂

I really don’t like them or have any interest in spending time with them. If that seems odd to you then I equally find you odd for liking them. I can appreciate both sides.

Jesus Christ the thread the other day about bum worms, that was enough to put me off for life!

and my plan for old age? All the money I save not having children will buy me a lovely retirement, a sheltered apartment when the time comes. And when the time REALLY comes, a lovely peaceful death at Dignitas. (Or hopefully at home if we ever get up to date with the law here)

no regrets whatsoever.

Me neither, they're annoying, often dirty / nits / snotty; they fidget and prattle constantly, and never let you leave the house on time. I don't see any positive traits either in them really, though for the sake of politeness I do fake being interested in other people's brats from time to time! 😁

Thank god your mum didn’t feel the same or we’d of been one happy, positive person on earth down 😂

Agree, I find the question odd, why wouldn't you come to this site if you didn't have children, I see far more topics discussed that don't involve children than do.

My dc has a lady who we were friends with and she's now the default grandparent figure as she loves it, has no dc and seems happy to fulfil the role. We've known her for over a decade so perhaps you could wedge your way into a family like ours who lacks an older generational figure for our dc?!
Only if you're missing out on this though. My MIL has no interest whatsoever in coming to anything dc related so even if you have dc doesn't mean you'd even relish the idea of gc.

We’re child free but have a close family member with a toddler. They have loads of friends and family but we still get a ridiculous number of requests for babysitting. I can imagine for the grandparents it’s a lot worse so definitely something I’d like to avoid!

It's a bit simplistic to say children are just small humans and everyone should therefore find them interesting.

Humans start off complete idiots, and gradually get slightly less idiotic as the years wear on.

I find it boring talking to kids and many teenagers, because I just think, "I had all these conversations 25-30 years ago".