To end my relationship because my partner went on a boys trip and ended up with a prostiture in a hotel...

[Blackbirdsinginginthedeadofnight]

Long story short. I didn't want him to go on the trip as he was away not that long ago, he ignored me and went anyway.

On the first night there he got so drunk he went to a nightclub that he and his friends knew was a place where prostitutes go to meet men. He left the club with a girl and she took him to a hotel. Apparently, he was so drunk he couldn't get it up, and after an hour of her trying he fell asleep and she left. I found out because he tried to pay for the hotel with my bank card that he has in his wallet and I put two and two together.

After an hour or two of me trying to get hold of him to ask what was going on, at which time he blocked my calls, he then called me back and 'confessed' everything.

I confess that I have never had to witness him blind drunk so I can't get a sense of how he may have been but they had been drinking for around 8-9 hours by this point and had been awake for almost 24 hours. Not that it is an excuse but I just want to give a sense of what he may have been like. He claims it was the alcohol and he really didn't know what he was doing and feels utterly ashamed of his actions. He has promised to ditch his 'mates' who are all in their 50's but act like they're 'lads' when on these trips. And he swears he didn't have sex, which I don't believe as I think he is trying to be somewhat honest but is minimising so he's not out and out lying.

I love him very much and am heartbroken at what he has done and don't think I can get past it. It feels like a deal breaker to me but I just wanted other perspectives on it.

Will my life just be filled with distrust if I take him back or can it be gotten over? I've asked him to go to the sexual health clinic for his own safety as much as anyone's, which he has agreed to do. Things were really good in our relationship so there is no real reason he would have done this which makes it even worse in a way.

Please be kind - I'm really hurting right now and would just like some opinions from anyone who may have been through similar. Thanks

Honestly. That’s vile and a dealbreaker to me without question. Drunk or not, drinking doesn’t make you cheat. Your personality does.

have the strength to end it 💐

He tried to cheat on you with a prostitute, I dont care how drunk he was there is absolutely no coming back from that

That would be a deal-breaker for me, I'm afraid. It shows poor character. You deserve better, OP.

He may not have had sex but he intended to. Being so drunk you arent in control of yourself isnt an excuse in my opinion.

Yuck. Ditch him. Find someone worthy of you.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. He sounds vile, get rid of him.

He’s shown you who he is, OP. A man who uses your bank card to pay for a room so he can meet a prostitute.

The vast majority of men don’t use (aka exploit/ collude in the abuse of) prostitutes. I don’t care how drunk he was, the drink is no excuse. Most men would not have done this.

You can do better than this.

OP the intent was there. He only didn't have sex with her because he couldn't get it up but given he said he tried for an hour, there must have been other sex acts going on in order to try.

The intent would be enough for me to end it, the fact he's paid for a prostitute and thinks that's ok would be enough for me to end it. He wanted to cheat and being blind drunk isn't an excuse for it nor does it mitigate it.

I couldn't forgive this. I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but please don't let him minimise his actions to you.

You poor thing. He’s not the man you thought he was so the future you imagined with him has gone. Please dump him, you deserve better. Everyone does.

Oh my goodness op, OF COURSE this is a deal breaker

Just wondering- if the situations were reversed, with you having or attempting to have sex with a prostitute how he would react? Just something to think about.

This would be a deal breaker for me, without question. The can't get it up part is suspect to me too - I think people tend to admit to what they think they can get away with. But either way the intention was there.

Look after yourself OP and find yourself a man who will respect you and treat you nicely.

I’m so sorry OP x how awful and hearbroken you must feel

But personally do not understand why you are even thinking of staying, and of course you should end it

It’s not “just” the prostitute.

It’s the heavy drinking, the grim-sounding friends, the ignoring and blocking your calls, the use of your card without permission, the fact that he would have lied to you if not discovered (and probably still is lying).

I would find a life with this man a strain, as much as you are hurting, you must know you are worth more than this.

He won’t make you happy.

You deserve better, have the courage to end this and horrible to mention but necessary imo, I would get a sexual health check as well to be safe.

A prostitute that would try for an hour - like she was desperate for it ? Not likely
Not have I have any experience with such transactions but I'm sure the payment is upfront before anything happens. More likely he got a bj or a hand job.

I feel for you so sorry to hear that. You deserve better. Also, think the clue is in that he went regardless of you not wanting him to go.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I would leave now, as painful as it is, as I couldn’t trust him again, and staying just prolongs the hurt of it all imo.

Whether he actually had sex or not is irrelevant. He sounds horrible and immature and dishonest.

Your life will be better without him in it, there’s no coming back from this.

BTW - why does he have your bank card? I’d be getting that cancelled quick smart.

Generally when people (usually men) claim sex xfzbt happen

As a man, if I’d been caught in the same situation, I’d use the same tactics of ‘too drunk’.
Sorry, you need to dump him. It’s an absolute betrayal.

He is disgusting.. Say that out loud op and ltb today.