To end my relationship because my partner went on a boys trip and ended up with a prostiture in a hotel...

[Blackbirdsinginginthedeadofnight]

Long story short. I didn't want him to go on the trip as he was away not that long ago, he ignored me and went anyway.

On the first night there he got so drunk he went to a nightclub that he and his friends knew was a place where prostitutes go to meet men. He left the club with a girl and she took him to a hotel. Apparently, he was so drunk he couldn't get it up, and after an hour of her trying he fell asleep and she left. I found out because he tried to pay for the hotel with my bank card that he has in his wallet and I put two and two together.

After an hour or two of me trying to get hold of him to ask what was going on, at which time he blocked my calls, he then called me back and 'confessed' everything.

I confess that I have never had to witness him blind drunk so I can't get a sense of how he may have been but they had been drinking for around 8-9 hours by this point and had been awake for almost 24 hours. Not that it is an excuse but I just want to give a sense of what he may have been like. He claims it was the alcohol and he really didn't know what he was doing and feels utterly ashamed of his actions. He has promised to ditch his 'mates' who are all in their 50's but act like they're 'lads' when on these trips. And he swears he didn't have sex, which I don't believe as I think he is trying to be somewhat honest but is minimising so he's not out and out lying.

I love him very much and am heartbroken at what he has done and don't think I can get past it. It feels like a deal breaker to me but I just wanted other perspectives on it.

Will my life just be filled with distrust if I take him back or can it be gotten over? I've asked him to go to the sexual health clinic for his own safety as much as anyone's, which he has agreed to do. Things were really good in our relationship so there is no real reason he would have done this which makes it even worse in a way.

Please be kind - I'm really hurting right now and would just like some opinions from anyone who may have been through similar. Thanks

RedDogBlueDog · Yesterday 23:05
@Novatherova most of them are very weak willed when it comes to sex and getting their end off.

It’s a rare man who actually thinks with his head, imho.

And in a pack like that they egg each other on, all becoming Jack the lad, going for higher and higher bets and dares and probably dances”

You really do need to meet some different men. At nearly 60, that’s not been my experience of men at all.
Comments like yours lend credence to the theory that this sort of behaviour in men is normal. It really isn’t.

Deb I have no idea what crusade you're on and why?

Are you a prostitute user?

Adultery & cheating is always wrong, yes.

A single using a prostitute usually gax no way of knowing for sure if a prostitute would be doing that if she had any other viable options. The sex industry is riddled with exploitation, trafficking, vulnerability, abuse etc.

If a man 100% established that the prostitute was an independent, stable, fully choosing to do that and getting all the proceeds ..... I personally don't think it's wrong.

(However he still can't know her background behind her choices.
And it says a lot about somebody that they commercialise sex, that they buy sex, that they buy the use of a woman's body (fully consenting or not)).

The vast majority of prostitution both UK and abroad however does not fit that mould.

It is very likely indeed that the prostitutikn this man and his mates are taking advantage of abroad does not fit that mould.

So he is both a cheater and a prostitute user and a user of prostitutes who do not have full choices.

*The sex industry is riddled with exploitation, trafficking, vulnerability, abuse etc.

I forgot drug use.

It is no coincidence at all that the beautiful 20 something young women who the Ipswich serial.killer murdered were all drug addicts. Get it.

There are very very few women in the world who will choose selling the penetration of their orifices by strang men they don't have any feelings with or want to have sex with (often men a generation or two older than them as well) with full alternative opportunities and choices.

Not sure why you need this explained.

*fully consenting or not

Fully consenting to sell sex, I mean. Not to the sex- because bought consent is not true consent.

There are also ever present risks - sexual and physical in prostitution. It is a risky business for women.

And it has never been worse than since pirh had made anal sex, gagging blowjobs, choking, rough degrading sex etc main stream.

Most prostitutes also suffer emotional and mental consequences.

Again ... This is all stuff that shouldn't have to be explained to you.

*since porn has made anal sex, gagging blowjobs, choking, rough degrading sex etc main stream.

*but as a home wrecker

What are you on?

The only people wrecking a home are the residents of that home.

There is no outside person who can ge a home wrecker.

No-one can walk in a locked door.

Aw thank you.

I think I will give it a miss. Its not really me and I'd be uncomfortable.

I dont get what men see in it to be honest.

They are hardly the same thing!

The 'affair' thread I have a little sympathy for as menopause certainly hit me like a brick psychologically, but that isn't an excuse and that poster has paid for what she did.

What excuse is there for someone pissing off on a jolly against his wife's wishes and actively seeking out prostitutes? (so a purely commercial transaction) Did he even use condoms?

On so many levels.

What's he planning for his Stag do?

You do you, but I couldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole

Wait...

So are you saying its acceptable for a woman to target a married man with her affections? Are you saying its fine for a young lady to make a play for her boss, knowing he has a wife and child, because why? Its his fault. She's only doing what comes naturally?

When I say 'homewrecker' I refer to a person, male or female, who pursues a relationship with someone knowing they are already in a relationship with others.

I always assumed that was wrong. I didn't realise in today's society that's was okay. You just made me feel my age and realise how much things have changed away from traditional family values.

A whole roomful.

Neither do I.
Desease perhaps?

You deserve better than a dishonest, weak, disgusting, flaccid old grunter like that.
He is 58 and you are 43 - you are in your prime and he is just repulsive.
Get yourself a handsome fit 40 year old man who will treat you with respect and desire ❤️

OP, I hope you're ok, and working things out for yourself. Hugs.

Yes why are you with a much much older man in the first place!

Hahahahaha!

Girls can be just as bad though.

Again in Benidorm, but my ex BFF slept with a married man whilst we were away. He spun the whole my wife's just had a baby and she ignores me waaa waaa waaa.

She didn't have any regrets. I meanwhile waited in the hotel lobby twiddling my fingers at 4 am.

One of the many reasons we are no longer friends.

He hasn't sorted it yet. He's actually going away travelling around Asia for 3 weeks next year with my blessing.

He is going alone. His mum isn't happy that he is leaving me but I'm happy for him to go.

We will see if my faith and trust is respected.