To end my relationship because my partner went on a boys trip and ended up with a prostiture in a hotel...

[Blackbirdsinginginthedeadofnight]

Long story short. I didn't want him to go on the trip as he was away not that long ago, he ignored me and went anyway.

On the first night there he got so drunk he went to a nightclub that he and his friends knew was a place where prostitutes go to meet men. He left the club with a girl and she took him to a hotel. Apparently, he was so drunk he couldn't get it up, and after an hour of her trying he fell asleep and she left. I found out because he tried to pay for the hotel with my bank card that he has in his wallet and I put two and two together.

After an hour or two of me trying to get hold of him to ask what was going on, at which time he blocked my calls, he then called me back and 'confessed' everything.

I confess that I have never had to witness him blind drunk so I can't get a sense of how he may have been but they had been drinking for around 8-9 hours by this point and had been awake for almost 24 hours. Not that it is an excuse but I just want to give a sense of what he may have been like. He claims it was the alcohol and he really didn't know what he was doing and feels utterly ashamed of his actions. He has promised to ditch his 'mates' who are all in their 50's but act like they're 'lads' when on these trips. And he swears he didn't have sex, which I don't believe as I think he is trying to be somewhat honest but is minimising so he's not out and out lying.

I love him very much and am heartbroken at what he has done and don't think I can get past it. It feels like a deal breaker to me but I just wanted other perspectives on it.

Will my life just be filled with distrust if I take him back or can it be gotten over? I've asked him to go to the sexual health clinic for his own safety as much as anyone's, which he has agreed to do. Things were really good in our relationship so there is no real reason he would have done this which makes it even worse in a way.

Please be kind - I'm really hurting right now and would just like some opinions from anyone who may have been through similar. Thanks

I think the main thing is that he still needs to go out and get blind drunk and have this type of party culture. That kind of man is too immature for marriage imho.

He was sober enough to pay for the hotel using a card on his phone, he was therefore sober enough to know what he was doing.

Ditch the dirty fucker!

Errrrrr.....yep.....it's over.

Sorry.

Good God, get rid of him.

If you stayed with him, you would never (rightly), get passed this. It would always be on your mind. What he did, would he do it again.

No man is worth living feeling like that for.

*past

OP. He tried to shag a prostitute.

You absolutely have to end it or you will have a lifetime of waiting for it to happen again.

You will not be overreacting to finish things.

I am so so sorry.

I honestly think you'd be unreasonable not to end it. What a pig.

Sorry OP, you must be so hurt 💐

You’ll never be able to trust him again, do you really want to spend the rest of your life having to check up on everything he says or does?
I wouldn’t.

He intended to cheat on you. The fact that he couldn't get it up is neither here nor there, whether he did or didn't have sex, he intended to, he wanted to, you will never trust this man again.

I'm sorry but I've never been that drunk I don't know what I'm doing. He probably couldn't get it up but quite honestly he can't think much of you to do this and I wouldn't be marrying him.
He is already testing your boundaries. If that was me he's be dumped.

Of course you’re not going to stay with him. Ask him to move out he’s not anyone you should be with.

This is a deal breaker for most people. The intent was there to cheat with a sex worker (another dimension for me because it shows a lack of respect or care for women). If he didn't have full sex then it was because he couldn't get it up, not because of any conscience. Other sexual acts would have happened while 'trying'. He used your card to pay for the hotel to have sex with another woman. That is disgusting. He tried to evade telling you the truth.

I'm so very sorry OP. I'm with the majority I'm afraid. This would be a total deal breaker for me too. Huge hugs. 💐

That would be over for me as he showed such a huge disrespect for you and women in general. There would be no coming back from this for me nor any excuse that would mitigate my disgust.

The fact you have to ask is really sad... Of course this is a dealbreaker
Bunch of man in their 50s.. prostitutes probably late teens early 20s.. it's grim as fuck. I couldn't be with a man who was even friends with men like that. NOT normal.

DH is in his 50’s.

He wouldn’t entertain ‘friends’ who do these things, therefore he wouldn’t find himself going on a break away with middle aged twats who need to pay women for sex (women who are coerced/forced into this lifestyle).

I couldn’t have sex with him again if he did that, even if he was so drunk he couldn’t go through with it - he still tried for an hour. The trust would be gone.

He's a scum bag. Bin him off.

So, according to him, 'I couldn't get it up' means that he didn't cheat or makes what happened a 'forgivable offense'. Well if she 'worked on him' for an hour, what do you think that consisted of? Playing patty-cake? No, chances are she was giving him a blow job &/or a hand job that entire time, and that's cheating. Not that I believe that's what happened.

And do you think, after an hour of her 'valuable time', she just walked out without being paid simply because he couldn't get it up (which I don't believe)? I have no first hand knowledge, but I doubt if it works like that.

He's already got 3 strikes; he cheated, he used a vulnerable woman to do it, he lied about it. He's OUT!!!

There really is no excuse. Being drunk is irrelevant - drinking doesn’t cause you to act completely out of character, it just magnifies parts of your character you might otherwise keep concealed or think better of. I couldn’t be with a man who cheats. That it was a prostitute is the appalling cherry on the shit cupcake.

I very rarely say this, but I am going to now - LTB.

He’s 100 percent had sex.
deep down you know he has else you wouldn’t insist on the std clinic nor would he go .
It’s just wether you want to accept and move on .
Perhaps take some time and evaluate for yourself.
It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker for you.
Its up to only you to see what you can forgive

He’s 58?! That’s shocking. Not that it actually makes any difference to the situation. I don’t see how you can come back from that sorry op. Good job you caught him out though.

Leave him. This is a deal breaker and you’ll be doing yourself a huge favour by cutting loose. He’s nothing to invest your emotions and time on.

So sorry OP, you must be so upset.

Agree with everyone else that your DH is a disgusting man and you should get rid. FFS, he's 58 years old and still getting so blind drink that he sleeps with a prostitute, who was probably old enough to be his granddaughter 🤮

If you don't send him packing, you are giving him signals that he will be able to get away with this again. Sending you all the strength in the world to get through this.

Everything about this is grim: blind drunk, goes off with a prostitute, tries to pay the hotel with your card, disappears/blocks your calls like a coward then finds the excuses that he did not have sex because he ''could not get it up''.

There is no going back from this.

Ditch him as you deserve so much better.