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AIBU?

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Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
Ihatethenewlook · 22/02/2023 22:46

If that’s what you want, then that’s what you want, but it’s definitely rude. I’d feel really sad and a bit bewildered if I was your dp though, that you’d rather spend your 30th birthday on your own than with him? And no way would I make him travel to London with you and have him wander round on his own with the baby while you dined in a 3 Michelin star restaurant on your own. Surely there’s some alternative if you’re determined to eat somewhere alone? If you want time alone could you pick a random day or evening any other time and he could stay at home with the children while you did something locally? I just think it’s really shit for him knowing you’d rather him go through all this because you’d prefer to celebrate your birthday with him or your children.

Ponderingwindow · 22/02/2023 22:49

It depends on your husband. Mine would be happy to get to skip the restaurant because he doesn’t tend to enjoy that sort of thing. Would yours feel like he was missing out on a special meal?

Original poster
AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:51

Ihatethenewlook · 22/02/2023 22:46

If that’s what you want, then that’s what you want, but it’s definitely rude. I’d feel really sad and a bit bewildered if I was your dp though, that you’d rather spend your 30th birthday on your own than with him? And no way would I make him travel to London with you and have him wander round on his own with the baby while you dined in a 3 Michelin star restaurant on your own. Surely there’s some alternative if you’re determined to eat somewhere alone? If you want time alone could you pick a random day or evening any other time and he could stay at home with the children while you did something locally? I just think it’s really shit for him knowing you’d rather him go through all this because you’d prefer to celebrate your birthday with him or your children.

Just to be clear, I don't want to eat alone. I do want to eat a really, really nice fine dining meal and as none would allow a baby I don't see any alternative? I would much prefer to eat with DH but what would we do with the baby? She can't be left at home with someone else because of the distance and breastfeeding.

OP posts:
Original poster
AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:53

Ie I'm happy to eat alone and enjoy it but it wouldn't be my first choice.
DH would enjoy the meal if it was possible for us both to go.
I wouldn't be comfortable with booking a babysitter/crèche in London if that was possible with DD being this young.

OP posts:
Pinkypurplecloud · 22/02/2023 22:57

Honestly I think 3* lunches in other cities falls under “things you temporarily sacrifice as a mother of an exclusively breastfed baby”. Presumably you could just wait another couple of months beyond your birthday and then she’ll be in nursery too? Or wait and see, maybe by that age she’ll go 4/5 hours without a breastfeed or take a bottle.

I’d find it a really weird request from my husband tbh, I’d expect him to prioritise my company at a birthday lunch over the Michelin stars. I certainly wouldn’t be dragging a baby along to eat somewhere else solo and then push a pram around waiting for him to eat his fancy lunch.

I don’t think being an hour away from your DS is necessarily an issue, but what happens if there’s a train problem and you both can’t get back for pickup?

ACynicalDad · 22/02/2023 22:57

I'd feel pretty shit if DW wanted to go out somewhere without me, can't you take the baby too?

notanaturalmum · 22/02/2023 22:59

We went to a Michelin star restaurant near York when my DD was 4 months for my husbands 40th.
We booked it at 12 and asked for a table in the corner as I was paranoid we'd disturb people.
As it happened the baby wasn't on the same timetable as us and we had to do a bit of tag teaming. BUT
It was a place my husband really wanted to go to and I was happy to see him enjoy the food and nobody in the restaurant complained.
On balance I'm glad we went.
If your husband is the type to wheel the baby round for a couple of hours then great. If not, I'm sure you could still have a nice time all 3 of you.
And also you two could do something another time. It's your birthday so if you want to dine alone, that's your prerogative.
Have a lovely day.

kindercup · 22/02/2023 23:00

I think sometimes when you have children you have to put yourself on the back burner a bit which means finding alternatives. Your idea isn't realistic for your circumstances.

Bobbybobbins · 22/02/2023 23:02

You could do it... but maybe wait until your baby is no longer breastfed then go for it then with your DH? I would order some proper gourmet food and have a delicious meal and champagne at home for actual bday then go out later in the year.

Slimjimtobe · 22/02/2023 23:03

I’d try and find somewhere lovely but you all go !
It will still be a great meal and your baby won’t be that small for too long (in a flash they will be in pre school and you can skip off)

Kranke · 22/02/2023 23:04

i live eating out and going to Michelin restaurants were great for lunch with a baby. Which one were you thinking of, as I’ve not ever had an issue with it. They’ve been so welcoming. Late dinner I wouldn’t do just because of sleep times for the baby. But, if you want to have a nice lunch out by yourself, I don’t see that as an issue at all? My husband would be so happy for me to take a few hours off (and I’d do the same). Does taking the baby to the restaurant put you off? If so, just go by yourself. My husband had been looking after me and the baby as I’ve had terrible back pain. I’m treating him to a massage and he’s going to watch the football in the pub after - alone. It’s only a few hours, you need to compromise, but make it work for you both.

Haus1234 · 22/02/2023 23:05

Could you bring a parent with you as well to look after baby in the city, so your DH could go with you for lunch?

evemillbank · 22/02/2023 23:06

Which Michelin star restaurant in London will not allow a baby? I have never known this be the case when mine were babies. Lunch time dining has always been great with babies coming along.

Makilda · 22/02/2023 23:06

OP, my sister had this dilemma (I use the word lightlyGrin). She hired a self-employed fine dining chef to create a tasting menu to eat at home for her 40th. It was a real success - she sent photos and it looked fabulous.

If you're in a city, can you explore that as a compromise?

RealBecca · 22/02/2023 23:07

I think you might enjoy it more when DC2 starts nursery X

Lavender14 · 22/02/2023 23:10

I think this really depends on your dh. If i confided to dh that I had a wee fantasy of doing this as something really self indulgent and luxurious he'd book a table for one himself to help me make it happen. Equally I'd do the same for him. I'd just make sure you've got lots of other lovely stuff planned to do as a 3.

How far away is your 30th? At 8.5 months I'm guessing your little one will be weaning so you might find dd will be more willing to take a bottle of breastmilk by then if its still a bit away? In which case it might be easier to hire a nanny for the day and leave some milk in the freezer? I would also suggest that going for a meal during the day with a baby is more acceptable than in the evening but I understand some places don't feel like you can. I'm of the opinion that it's your birthday so you can be a little indulgent if you think your dh wouldn't be upset or take it to heart. I'd probably do it on a day your ds isn't in nursery and could come with you. So maybe spend your actual day together and ask dh if you can have your meal as your gift and do it at a weekend?

Copperoliverbear · 22/02/2023 23:12

Do whatever you enjoy. X

StarsSand · 22/02/2023 23:12

Oh my gosh- I love this idea!!!

Absolutely you should do it.

Original poster
AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 23:14

Kranke · 22/02/2023 23:04

i live eating out and going to Michelin restaurants were great for lunch with a baby. Which one were you thinking of, as I’ve not ever had an issue with it. They’ve been so welcoming. Late dinner I wouldn’t do just because of sleep times for the baby. But, if you want to have a nice lunch out by yourself, I don’t see that as an issue at all? My husband would be so happy for me to take a few hours off (and I’d do the same). Does taking the baby to the restaurant put you off? If so, just go by yourself. My husband had been looking after me and the baby as I’ve had terrible back pain. I’m treating him to a massage and he’s going to watch the football in the pub after - alone. It’s only a few hours, you need to compromise, but make it work for you both.

Which ones were happy with it? Ideally I was thinking Helen Darroze/Alain Ducasse or similar which I think would be unlikely to be.

I did go once with DH and DS but DS was 4 months and just fed and slept in the pram. I'm thinking as DD is older she'd need a highchair/more entertaining so it won't be possible, or she'll be more likely to keep crying so DH would be taking her out all the time and it would just be stressful? If I could get it to work that would be super!

OP posts:
StarsSand · 22/02/2023 23:15

Can't believe the negativity. The baby is 8.5 months old- not a newborn.

Why shouldn't she have a few hours to herself on her birthday to do something she is passionate about?

If the baby is hungry DH can give her some yogurt or something, there is no need to be tethered to an 8 month old baby.

Original poster
AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 23:18

Interested at all the hell no reactions. What made me think is that my friend had her baby last year and for her 30th a few months back they went to Bath for the day and my friend went to the baths for a couple of hours on her own, so that seems similar?

Not sure about it being easier with DD in nursery too as I was thinking that is double the chance that one might need an early pick up or get ill while we're both stuck in London.

No local family and none near London so asking someone to travel to us, then to London to the day to look after DD while DH and me eat out seems even more CF territory!

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 22/02/2023 23:18

Pinkypurplecloud · 22/02/2023 22:57

Honestly I think 3* lunches in other cities falls under “things you temporarily sacrifice as a mother of an exclusively breastfed baby”. Presumably you could just wait another couple of months beyond your birthday and then she’ll be in nursery too? Or wait and see, maybe by that age she’ll go 4/5 hours without a breastfeed or take a bottle.

I’d find it a really weird request from my husband tbh, I’d expect him to prioritise my company at a birthday lunch over the Michelin stars. I certainly wouldn’t be dragging a baby along to eat somewhere else solo and then push a pram around waiting for him to eat his fancy lunch.

I don’t think being an hour away from your DS is necessarily an issue, but what happens if there’s a train problem and you both can’t get back for pickup?

This.
100%

Part of choosing to breastfeed a baby at 8.5 months, is acknowledging that for those very few months (in the scheme of things) you will be restricted in what you can do.

I think it is a really bizarre suggestion and would never ask my dh to travel up to London, with a baby, then wander around whilst I went for a fancy meal.
That's just odd.

Pinkypurplecloud · 22/02/2023 23:20

StarsSand · 22/02/2023 23:15

Can't believe the negativity. The baby is 8.5 months old- not a newborn.

Why shouldn't she have a few hours to herself on her birthday to do something she is passionate about?

If the baby is hungry DH can give her some yogurt or something, there is no need to be tethered to an 8 month old baby.

It’s not the few hours to herself I’m being negative about, it’s the expectation her DH comes to London to kill time holding the baby for several hours while she does it
that I’m negative about and that she’s prioritising Michelin stars over a meal they could enjoy together. But if she and her DH are happy with that arrangement then it’s not harming anyone else.

Original poster
AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 23:22

To answer a few more questions, I'm a bit out in the sticks so not sure about a private chef.

DD will be weaning then, it's a few months away.

I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving DD with a nanny at that age as I think it's likely to be peak separation anxiety. DS fed every three or so hours at that age and beyond and wouldn't take a bottle so expecting DD to be similar although I could be wrong!

OP posts:
creekingmillenial · 22/02/2023 23:23

I’ve used a babysitter agency for a babysitter in a hotel (wedding). Could you not have a day altogether and then leave kids with a babysitter at the hotel nearby? Worst case your DH would go and relieve the babysitter but he almost certainly wouldn’t need to.