To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

[AngelaMeerkat]

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

It’s not necessarily that they want to do something by themselves but sending your partner off to wander round the shops whilst you have a fancy meal just seems off to most people

Are you volunteering to pay the difference in cost between this plan and OPs?

All to save DH the indignity of spending a few hours in london's museums and galleries with a pram while his wife has a couple of hours doing something she enjoys.

I'm extroverted myself but... I don't understand this attitude (unless the other party is already the main caregiver by a long stretch, then yes it might look quite bad) that you have to be joined at the hip 24/7 to "love" each other?

And why would you have to starve or "be without... any food" as you say on your own birthday to prove you "love" your wife?? This all sounds very teenager.

Truly. I would have thought when I was a teen that my boyfriend doesn't love me because he wants a few hours alone on his birthday, and would probably cry myself a heartbroken river!

Of course you should do some special activities together, and most definitely on the day of your anniversary, but wanting some rare alone time on your own birthday doesn't mean lack of love at all.

@OP

When I was on maternity leave with DC1 I continued to serve on two boards. I remember DH spending the whole day in the city with the pram so I could attend a 9-5 strategic planning day - he brought my baby to me every two hours to breastfeed.

He didn't complain once. He enjoyed his day in the city and was glad to support me as a breastfeeding mother.

I can't believe the martyrs on this thread.

If your DH is supportive, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Enjoy your lunch. You've earned it.

There are lots of kids' exhibitions going on in London, especially at the major museums :) they will be interesting for adults too. And good bonding time for DH and DC. It's definitely up to OP's DH whether he's comfortable with the logistics, but it won't be for lack of fun things to do with DC

Go for it OP. Not sure why people are saying it's harsh on your partner.

Like you say your partner and dd can still come to London and have a couple of hours alone whilst you eat and enjoy in peace - you will stll spend your birthday with them.

8.5 months is the start of the period when taking babies out to eat can (mostly) ruin it.

I would definitely not take my 15 month old!

Maybe because we've had different life experiences. We got together later in life than many, and we both know first hand how precious life is. I'm now older than the age at which my father and Mrs Unicorn's father died. We've both worked long hours and made many sacrifices to get to where we are professionally. Both of us have seen death at every age, and know how frequent it becomes at our age despite averages. Unfortunately, as a result of aforementioned sacrifices, family history and other factors make it extremely unlikely that I will make it to the average life expectancy of a man so the time we have and spend together is precious. I have had my hands inside too many dead bodies who were younger than I am now, so that colours my perspective a little.

You need to understand that everyone is different and they have different thoughts, feelings, attachments, emotions, needs and wants in life. They will have different goals or they may have no goals. Emotions are not necessarily rational or logical. Sometimes, instead of understanding someone's feelings, you need to accept them.

If having the meal with your dh would be the oreferrred choice, why not hold ou t for a couple more months and do it together as a belated 30th birthday celebration?

I love eating alone but personally would do it another day when I can actually be alone for a few hours and lunch is part of it

I would feel it was fake if I had my husband and child l wandering around waiting for me to finish type thing, so would not really enjoy it the same

I'm only 29 so really hope that I won't die soon! Not going to make all my decisions on that basis anyway.

I do really love DH and DCs, but I am also very happy in my own company. I'm sure we will have some sort of family day too but we have lots of those but time to myself is non existent at the moment, has been rare since DS as have fancy meals!

I would be totally happy with DH having a nice meal without me, in fact he's not been anywhere properly fancy lately but has been nice places with friends or colleagues without me plenty of times before.

Not to drip feed but DH office is in London so it's not like he doesn't know it at all and would be lost in his own. Could meet his colleagues for lunch!

Glad that some people understand but could just be cherry picking what I want to hear.

? OK, I mean, yes one should treasure every day of their life (though this also includes learning how to treasure your own company IMO) but most other people aren't expecting an early death. OP or her husband probably aren't, in any case.

But I do agree with your last paragraph, everyone reacts differently. Coincidentally my DH actually has had a life threatening condition (that's now gone thankfully but still has to be monitored yearly)... I'm not just saying this to prove a point, I swear on my life it's true :) maybe because he's an introvert who enjoys being alone, his reaction was to no longer wait around to do the things he loves. He took a solo long awaited trip (involving an activity I don't like) recently. I was glad for him, and I think it would be churlish to sulk about that, especially if it happened to be his birthday and not mine (though it wasn't).

As a cynical 59 year old (4 children) who has had lovely meals and has had a dh working in varius roles in London and internationally all I want to say is get a fucking grip.
Been there, wouldn't want to do it alone. That's just really sad. Your youngest is nearly 1. Start making some plans or resign yourself to a life of mumdom.

It’s a bit odd. I mean the fact you’ve had to ask suggests that you know that, OP. It all goes by in a flash. You’ll blink and it’ll be your 40th. Soon it will be about persuading your kids to participate in special days, rather than deliberately exclude them as you appear to want for your 30th. For a plate of food I don’t get it. Sorry.

I postponed my 40th for this reason. There was no magic to the number 40, I just wanted a stand out celebration. No compromises. Just a day like the sort I had pre-DC. So I had it when I turned 42. It was amazing. All the more so because both DC were off my by then, and happy and contented spending a weekend with DH and his parents. Everyone had their own great time!

Can’t you pay for a babysitter for both children, pump enough for a day away and just go with DH?

Or stay at a hotel in London and have the sitter watch the children while you go out to eat together?

Yeah, they should just go to Kidzania for her 30th. Mum's birthday really means the children's second birthday as everyone knows.

I feel really sorry for mothers as they are expected to morph into one with their children.

Does this mean OP can never be alone on her birthday for the next 10 years? If her friends invite her out on her birthday, does she have to say no?

Does this mean OP and her husband have to take their children along on their anniversary date (special family day)?

Can she never go to anyone else's parties, weddings or other celebrations (all special things) without her children?

It's a meal taking a few hours, that will recharge her to be a better mother for the next few challenging months or even years. She's not abandoning her children to take a sabbatical in the plains of Kenya.

I suppose if you're paying top dollar for the food at the Ivy for example ( one of my favourites 😍) the Maitre De isnt really going to want their customers, who will be mostly business people in a Michelin star restaurant on a week day lunchtime - potentially put off enjoying their meal by the sound pf a wailing baby.
This wont be a popular viewpoint, but i dont think its very fair of the parents to the other patrons if baby does start up.

@ashitghost and I don't get the fuss around food either, but it's her special hobby. Like how some like photography or haute couture. It seems a pity to have to put your whole personality on hold until you're in your 40s or 50s.

It's just 1 day (a few hours really) out of 365 days. And it will recharge her for continued motherhood duties.

I don't think always hovering around your children means anything if you're a stressed out shell of a person anyway.

While i agree the OP should do wbay makes her happy, lugging an 8.5 month old to a Michelin star restaurant on a weekday lunchtime isn't going tp be exactly relaxing for anyone if she should start up.
Babies get bored very quickly and are not shy of letting everyone in s 5 mile radius know anout it.

Some nice hotels do 'day rates' for rooms, if they have availability, where you can check in late morning or noon or whatever and basically stay for the afternoon - would that be a possible alternative for your DH?
He could check in, relax, order room service for lunch, perhaps for DD too, many hotels would heat up a bottle and some baby food if she's eating solids by then. You could drop by after your lunch for an hour or so or meet them at the station.
But if it was me I'd book a night in a hotel for all of you, DS too, ask for an early check-in, arrive then leave the others there while you go off for your lunch. Come back to the hotel and have a nice relaxed evening with your family and a yummy hotel breakfast the next morning.

But I appreciate this might cost rather more than you want to pay.

By 8.5 months DD will be on solids so won’t go crazy without milk, can’t you express enough and have the day to yourself and your dh can stay at home with DD. Or express and have the day for you and your dh together, obv need someone to look after baby.
It does sound a bit unusual dh going all the way to London to look after DD whilst you eat, but if that’s what you’re used to, each to their own.

Its fine to be an hour away whilst 4yr old at nursery. I and my dh both worked in London and lived in Kent ( nr Canterbury ) whilst kids were small. (age 1yr+)

Are there any fine dining restaurants in the areas that your families live so you could leave baby with them and both go out for a nice meal together?

Go for it!

No one would be saying suck it up if the baby was bottle fed. They’d all say leave her with a few bottles and off you skip to your lunch.

As a Mum all you are is surrounded by people, all you do is stuff for others. I also find people think dining alone is strange if they’re not used to it but I am (due to trips with work) and don’t see it as strange. So to me OP the lunch sounds like a great idea. Alone time sounds perfect!
Having DH nearby with DC in case she needs a feed seems a sensible low stress way to go about it.

I think the ‘No don’t do it’ brigade is very odd when you’re talking a few hours for yourself. You and dh could then do something else together for your birthday. And an hour from nursery is fine me and dh both work an hour away from home if we’re both in the office. The nursery know it’d take us that long in an emergency.

Go, enjoy yourself!!

Is this a serious post? Mmmmm ok birthday or not it all reads selfish to me.