To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

[AngelaMeerkat]

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

Re the nursery, being an hour away is fine. How often do you get called to pick up early?

When mine were little I was often unreachable for an hour or more due to meetings or appointments so if anything happened in that time they would just have to wait or call DH which bizarrely they never did. So many parents work and can't answer their phones instantly.

Yeah, I can't imagine doing this to my other half either. For me it would be the most miserable lunch anyway, alone on my birthday at a Michelin Star! I'd much rather share the celebration, even if it means going to a 'non-posh' place.
I know everyone has different preferences, but it strikes me that the OP hasn't even checked with the restaurants if she can bring her DC, and already considering going alone.

Sounds like you havnt accepted you have a baby now. Priorities change. It would be very rude to your dh

Op do what you want for your birthday. I work in London and was often over an hour away from my child in nursery.
For those questioning about the baby in the restaurant some do restrict the age of the diners. My mum bought me vouchers for my birthday and I could go to 2 of the restaurants out the 3 when my child was 4 months old due to the age restrictions plus it was the least relaxing meal ever knowing he might wake up and disturb others.
No one would bat an eyelid if you said you were off to get your nails done. Go and enjoy.

I have checked! I posted an example link earlier showing how they all are very clear bringing a baby isn't possible (even if that would be relaxing for me and other diners). I've said I'm happy to be proved wrong by anyone's specific recent experience to the contrary but no one has yet done this.

Hotels in London for all of us are very pricey and would mean a much lower budget for lunch so I wouldn't get to go where I wanted.

DH has said he'd find both of them on his own hard going so I think he'd find it easier to just have DD, which I would too if I were him (eg I actually have done lunches with colleagues and baby on both mat leaves which are great but would not do it with DS as well as he's much more demanding of conversation attention etc).

I think this is fine but I'd do it differently. Can any grandparents have your older child for an overnight on Saturday?

If so, I'd book a hotel for the night, have a lovely lunch by myself and then you've still got the evening to wander round and explore so your DH gets something out of the trip as well.

But no, it is not wrong of you to want a few hours to yourself to do something. I have a baby too (younger than yours) and although I love her dearly it is a hard slog sometimes. You've been 'on duty' 24/7 since she was born, it's not unreasonable to want some time off after 8.5 months of it!

Come on, if he meets colleagues in the nearest Costa/Wagamama etc no one will be offended to see a baby!

DH has said he'd find both of them on his own hard going

If this is his general attitude, he needs to start getting a grip. Tell him he needs more practice!

yes i was a bit hmm at this.especailly just a for a few hours.

what has he said about this?

Thanks for all the thoughts so far it's been actually eye opening!

For those who've asked, I've not spoken to DH yet as I only thought about it tonight during a feed and he's been solidly asleep since then. Was thinking it would be good to see different perspectives in case it was just a silly thought.

You can see from the times of my posts that I have not been asleep that much since the first one, showing why I feel I need a break!

noone who can offer child care.what about the person who mentioned a baby sitter closer to where you want to be?

Why can you not organise and pay for a babysitter for the few hours it will take for you and your dh to dine together? The baby will be 8.5 months, not 8 weeks!! Presumably is on solids as well as bm? Can drink bm from a sippy cup if you choose to express? It's not like a new born who needs feeding every hour!

I get why you don't want to use an unknown babysitter in London, but you're only an hour away: you could use someone local and even take them into London with you and they can wander round with baby while you and dh have lunch. Seems much more sensible than insisting dh wanders around and you celebrate your 30th alone!

I don't really get the problem here. Many babies that age are left with a carer for much longer than it takes to have lunch, even when they're still bf.

My husband has his 50th coming up, I cannot imagine a world in which he would tell me that he would like to me walk the streets whilst he goes for a Michelin star lunch by himself. Thankfully my husband values my company a bit more than that. And it is mutual, I’d rather go for my birthday lunch with my husband and baby (if I had one) than go for my birthday lunch by myself. I honestly don’t even get it (and I do value and like alone time and have just done a solo holiday).

i think you should go to London alone, it’s your birthday. You will have a great time to do some stuff on your own, recharge and come back fresh. This way DH is close by so you don’t worry about nursery pick up and baby is happy at home. If he can’t manage a day with one kid at nursery most the time then that’s not a great sign for the future!

I have 3 kids and they were all EBF, at 8.5 months they all ate and could go without me for a day by then the oldest would have been unhappy, middle tolerated it, the youngest is fine but most used to it. the only logistic for you might be having to express for comfort as your body won’t be used to being away for periods of time .

I'm surprised that people can't see why a woman who has had a baby attached to her the whole time for the past few months, while wrangling the older child as well, might like a few hours of quiet peace with good food where she's being looked after for once, rather than looking after everyone else.

Has anyone eaten out with small children recently? Even if it goes well, it's not relaxing. And when you're exhausted and sleep-deprived, sometimes you don't really want to make conversation...staring into space is just fine.

With DC1 (also breastfed), I used to express a bottle and go out on Saturday mornings and sit in a coffee shop by myself. DH would come and find me after couple of hours to feed him.

Lots of people are being very ridiculous here. It's completely reasonable to ask for a couple of hours to yourself as a birthday treat. Tbh it would be reasonable to ask for a couple of hours to yourself on a more regular basis!

It's the eating alone thing that's freaking people out. If you wanted to meet your sister for lunch, and you asked your husband to help facilitate that, no one would bat an eyelid.

(I'm also very 🙄 at the people saying you should be putting your own needs to one side at this time in your life. It's two hours out of the last 8 months!! Most mums are back at work by 9 months)

My husband would do this - we both enjoy time alone sometimes. Two introverts.

I think I’d enjoy it even more with him there but if you can’t you can’t. I wouldn’t take the baby - it might be ok but like you I’d be stressed in case it wasn’t.

She's not asking him to walk the streets! She's asking him to take his own child into a cafe/baby friendly restaurant for a couple of hours. Everyone would be on board with this if she were going to get her hair done in some fancy salon as a birthday treat, people are just totally hung up on the idea of someone enjoying eating alone.

You can do what you like. This question mainly depends on your DH and how he feels

Personally, I would wait until DC is in nursery and not ebf so you can both enjoy the meal together.

I love fancy restaurants but TBH, with young DC, it is just something I put on the back burner for a number of years

My husband and I went to a Michelin starred restaurant for his birthday when our son was less than 8 months old. It happened to coincide with the week he was doing his settling in days with the childminder and we knew we would have 5 hours free.

There's no reason why you couldn't leave the baby behind for that length of time and go for a meal with your husband, if your baby was taking a bottle by then and you had someone to babysit.

Is there any reason why she can't take a bottle? Have you tried? I would work on that as a priority because having a baby that no one else can feed is extremely limiting. I think the idea of your husband trailing round London with a baby while you eat in a Michelin starred restaurant on your own is barking mad and you probably wouldn't enjoy it as much as you think you would.

You should do it! I'm with the camp that says you're allowed time to yourself (especially on your birthday) and how you spend it is up to you. I would be absolutely fine with my DP doing this.

I can’t imagine a world where my husband wouldn’t have wandered around with our baby for a few hours to give me peace and space to enjoy something I love for a few hours. Thankfully my husband values the sacrifice of sleep I made for years to BF our babies a bit more than that. And it is mutual - we both give each other a bit of space kid-free so that we can recharge and just enjoy life basically. But if anyone feels the need to be with their DP and DC 24/7 you do you and quit implying that needing a bit of space occasionally means people somehow value each other less. Nah, it really doesn’t.

I really like the way you have thought about finding a way to celebrate that will make you happy, not fit into societal expectations. It depends on how you present it. If going for a meal alone is your only celebration then, yes, your husband might feel hurt. However, if it's about stepping aside from your maternal role for a few hours to escape into the world of being served delicious food eaten off lovely china, then I don't see why you should have to wait for your 40th.

There's a restaurant near me which has a couple of small rooms that are often used by families. I think it's worth checking places to see if they have small rooms or areas where you could all eat. However, if what you are really yearning for is a meal in which you only need to focus on yourself, then it's worth trying your plan. I'm assuming you don't want to express milk and see if your baby will take a bottle? Then your husband could stay at home while you go to London and you wouldn't need to worry about your older child at nursery. I thought the day rate in a hotel or getting a private chef - they can't all be based in urban areas - were good suggestions. Hope you find a solution and Happy 30th in advance!

Also, there's so much that your DH could do in London with the baby - he's not going to be traipsing around in the rain.

I think it's a great idea. Assuming that money isn't an issue then I think you should ask DH. If my DH wanted to do that for a special birthday I'd be happy with it. Obviously it would be better to be do it as a couple but that's not your reality right now.