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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
Allmarbleslost · 22/02/2023 23:24

This is really odd. How often are you expecting an 8.5 month old to breastfeed?

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 22/02/2023 23:27

I honestly would be very surprised if all the places you fancied didn’t allow a baby. I would check not just assume. Have taken babies/kids to all sorts of places - and they’ve been treated like royalty!

Incaspider · 22/02/2023 23:31

At 8.5months the baby will also be eating foods. So you might still be breastfeeding as a drink but it won't be exclusive because she will need to eat too! She can have food and water/oat milk for the time you are out.

Original poster
AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 23:35

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 22/02/2023 23:27

I honestly would be very surprised if all the places you fancied didn’t allow a baby. I would check not just assume. Have taken babies/kids to all sorts of places - and they’ve been treated like royalty!

Will be very happy to be proved wrong but all the three stars are clear about no young kids and babies eg www.corebyclaresmyth.com/home/reservations/

Haven't found a 2 star either that would say yes.

OP posts:
Pallisers · 22/02/2023 23:36

I have to say I'd be a bit sad if my dh prioritised having a nice meal on his own over a less nice meal with me on his birthday. But it wouldn't be a dealbreaker or anything.

If I were you I'd plan a lovely meal out with babysitter or lovely meal in or whatever for your 30th and then plan on having the michelin star experience with my dh for my 31st.

But if this matters a lot to you - go for it. The reality is you've spent 18 months growing a baby and then feeding a baby. If you want just one nice meal for an hour and a half as the biggest treat you can imagine - well I get that.

Luckingfovely · 22/02/2023 23:36

I think - kindly - that you've lost the plot a bit on this one. Your idea really is bonkers.

Just go to the restaurant with both your husband and the baby. You'll just handle whatever needs to be handled. I always took both DC everywhere I wanted to go and made it work. Good luck!

Original poster
AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 23:37

(the place we took DS was only one star as that was the best we could find after contacting loads of places and I'd prefer something more special for a big birthday plus that specific one has closed)

OP posts:
Catcharolo · 22/02/2023 23:40

No
Thats super weird tbh.
I’ve ebf my 4 dc and by 8.5 months you are not exclusively breastfeeding are you? They’re having breakfast, lunch and dinner. So they can technically go a long time without breast milk, particularly since it’s a a one off. For my 30th, my baby was about 7 months and I went for a a very fine dining dinner with DH! I gave him dinner, then put him to bed and we hopped on the train to london for a night out. Maybe just do something like that?

elenacampana · 22/02/2023 23:44

I don’t see the issue. It’s your big birthday and you fancy a treat, my husband would do this for me in a heartbeat.

The baby will be starting on solids by then so she won’t be EBF, her reliance on you will be waning so you should have a bit more freedom.

I probably wouldn’t be predicting separation anxiety etc though, that’s all a bit over thinky.

BookShark · 22/02/2023 23:46

Does DD not take a bottle of expressed milk? If so, then surely you find someone to look after her and go together if it really matters that much.

FWIW, DH and I also like our food. But DS was in nursery at 6 months so we used to take the odd day off and go for lunch, so that we didn't have to worry about babysitters.

Not sure I'd feel okay doing it on my own as I know it's something DH would enjoy as well.

Summerfun54321 · 22/02/2023 23:46

Will your 8.5month old really be exclusively breastfed!? Won't they be having food as well by that age and be able to take a bottle of pumped breast milk? I think the main issue is neither you nor DH being available for your 4 year old who would be at nursery.

Leave DH with the baby at home and go to a posh restaurant with a friend. What you are planning doesn't sound sensible or fun for anyone.

BlueHeelers · 22/02/2023 23:47

It is a bit rude towards your DP. Why not investigate whether there’s a fine dining place which home delivers or does catering and have a treat at home?

Valentina12 · 22/02/2023 23:47

If nothing else, would you not feel really rushed, knowing your husband was just kind of wandering around with the pram waiting on you?

msbevvy · 22/02/2023 23:47

Am I the only one who thinks it is also a bad idea because of the small risk of getting held up and there being no one to pick up your eldest from nursery? I would prefer to take him along as well rather than risk that happening.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 22/02/2023 23:48

By 8.5 months, baby would be absolutely fine left with dad, water and snacks....breastfeed all morning, mid morning train, have a fabulous lunch alone, and train home after a browse around - 6 hours or so - no problem. Lots of babies go to nursery at that age and just breastfeed either side of the day

Valentina12 · 22/02/2023 23:49

msbevvy · 22/02/2023 23:47

Am I the only one who thinks it is also a bad idea because of the small risk of getting held up and there being no one to pick up your eldest from nursery? I would prefer to take him along as well rather than risk that happening.

Yeah I agree with this. My husband and I had to travel to a city an hour and a half away while my kids were in nursery. We put my MIL on standby, just in case something happened and we couldn’t get back for pickup. If I didn’t have that option I wouldn’t have gone.

Starryskiesinthesky · 22/02/2023 23:59

Hard to say. On the one hand I think its your birthday so what you want goes! On the other hand, it depends a bit. Does your partner like a nice restaurant and so it would be good for you to go together? Do you prefer company or not?

If you do I would have thought it was better to go to a nice restaurant that you can both go to either with baby, or leaving it with family, and have time to yourselves. So teaching before hand to take a bottle or to last longer between breast feeds.

Overall though I think you know what works and seems reasonable for your family regardless of our views :)

StarsSand · 22/02/2023 23:59

Valentina12 · 22/02/2023 23:47

If nothing else, would you not feel really rushed, knowing your husband was just kind of wandering around with the pram waiting on you?

Why does he need to wander the streets? He could go see a film or go shopping or have his own lunch in a more casual environment.

I wouldn't feel rushed at all and my DH is the type to tell me to take my time and enjoy myself.

whattodo22222 · 23/02/2023 00:00

Only going to comment on the breastfeeding aspect of this because how you spend your birthday is entirely up to you. My DD is 9 months old and EBF. I've left her with my mum for 7 hours on 2 occasions with expressed breastmilk. At 8.5 months your DD should be able to take expressed milk from an open cup if you want to leave her at home with DH.

StarsSand · 23/02/2023 00:00

msbevvy · 22/02/2023 23:47

Am I the only one who thinks it is also a bad idea because of the small risk of getting held up and there being no one to pick up your eldest from nursery? I would prefer to take him along as well rather than risk that happening.

Lots of people commute over an hour to work every day.

2013isback · 23/02/2023 00:01

I understand that it seems odd to people, but what's your gut feeling on how your husband would react? I'm reading that this is your passion, he knows that and is generally supportive, it's what you want for your birthday, and (as far as you've found) this is the only way you can make it happen. If I were your husband, I'd be happy to do as you asked if you explained the logic and said you'd looked for other options and can't find any. It's only one day and it's your birthday. It would not bother me to miss out on the meal if there were really no other option.

Or tell him you really want a meal at x restaurant, and both of you brainstorm ways to make it happen.

Hobbitfeet32 · 23/02/2023 00:02

Can you book the baby in for a one off day at the nursery your son goes to?

Valentina12 · 23/02/2023 00:03

StarsSand · 22/02/2023 23:59

Why does he need to wander the streets? He could go see a film or go shopping or have his own lunch in a more casual environment.

I wouldn't feel rushed at all and my DH is the type to tell me to take my time and enjoy myself.

Show quote history

Have you ever had an 8 month old?

I don’t know many that would tolerate sitting in a pram going round the shops for ages or sitting through a film at the cinema.

NoSquirrels · 23/02/2023 00:10

Your non-local family - would they be up for celebrating a birthday with you in London?

I’m thinking an overnight hotel stay for everyone. Take both kids with you. Your mum & dad, or sister or whoever get their own hotel room. Day out with kids and family, you put DC to bed/final breastfeed, slip out to dinner. Brunch for everyone next day.

Or do fine dining in one of the hotels that also provide a babysitter or nanny service?

JudgeRudy · 23/02/2023 00:13

Personally I think it's an odd idea to ask someone to take the day off to 'babysit' but it's up to you and your husband. I kinda thought the deal with breastfeeding is you're putting your child's needs above yours for the duration as you believe that's what's best for them. I wouldnt do this for my partner. Why can't you wait till say Xmas or whenever you're able to leave your child longer?