To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

[AngelaMeerkat]

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

This sounds like something you’d request your nanny to do, not your husband. By all means, go have your special meal but asking your husband to bring the baby to London and just take the baby round while your enjoy your meal doesn’t sound like you’re treating him nicely tbh

Yes, but they would have an emergency contact to pick up their child if they get held up. The op does not have this.

Simple answer is start getting baby to take a bottle and used to other people now.

By 8.5 months they are having some food usually and you could do 4 or 5 hours away, so that’s one option. The other is take them, I can’t see why you and your dh couldn’t take a baby.

@msbevvy you’d be surprised by how many who don’t have other emergency contacts! Could you hire a babysitter for DD (get to know them beforehand) who could also be emergency back up for DS. Then you and DH go to London for lunch

Curious for those who thinks it's unreasonable, is it because it's a meal or was my friend also unreasonable to go to the baths and have a massage leaving her DH with the baby on their trip?

Thinking this through I think a child free meal is the only way to make it properly enjoyable, I would feel rushed and stressed about keeping DD happy and quiet and feel like I've had enough meals eaten with one hand/wolfed down before she wakes up or while someone else holds her for a bit.

Hotel trip to London with the whole family plus a grandparent to babysit would be too expensive.

I suppose doing the whole trip alone could work if she can go that long without feeding, thought it might be nicer to spend the day with her and DH apart from a couple of hours for lunch but maybe you're all saying not?

I'm putting her needs above mine all the time but thought I could come first for a couple of hours on my 30th but perhaps this makes me a bad mum.

At 8.5 months baby should be eating mostly solids

I think having a massage/spa is different to eating a special meal. A spa is something you can do alone, a special meal is something you would normally do with someone else especially if you are a couple. As other posters have said at 8.5 months surely your DD will be eating and not needing breast milk on tap. Many babies will be at nursery at that age, so a few hours apart could be doable if you could organise a sitter

You’re doing more than enough to justify a lunch by yourself.

I didn’t BF my baby, but my husband would have totally gone with any plan that gave me the chance to do something I really fancied for my birthday, or just for any reason at all tbh!

If your husband is happy with it, off you go to London. You don’t need anyone else’s approval :-)

It wouldnt be for me.

Is there somewhere local with an excellent chef? After all, Michelin Star restaurants/Chefs started out without the stars and you might discover the newest "up and coming".

I think it's totally fine, couples don't have to be joined at the hip!

What you're doing, whether it's fine dining or a spa massage, isn't relevant. When my DH and I go on holiday abroad or even a trip within the UK, we also might include time to do our separate stuff – alone time, own interests, etc. You'll have lots of other nice things to do together in London.

Also, it's London not the Outback! Rather than wander around aimlessly, he can do something or go somewhere he enjoys in that time too – it'll be harder with a baby but definitely not impossible for a few hours. I love museums in London or whiling away an afternoon in a lovely book cafe, have brought my baby as well.

I know on my birthday my DH would most definitely be happy to take DC off my hands for a short while to give me some much-needed alone time and a treat.

I would do the same for him on his birthday too, especially as he's an introvert who loves alone time / exploring by himself!

Not a bad mum no, but not a great partner. You want a few hours off which isn't unreasonable. I think what you're asking of your husband though is unreasonable.
Maybe call it a day on the breast feeding?

I think it’s a lovely idea, go for it OP!

Am finding most of the reactions here quite strange tbh, it’s your birthday, of course you’re allowed some time to yourself (you always are but even more so on your birthday!). This in no way makes you a bad mum or wife. I’ve definitely heard of people choosing to do completely solitary activities (trips away etc) for their milestone birthdays, at his stage of life (with young kids) it may well be what you’re craving most.

If you think you’d enjoy it then why on earth not? I think it sounds delightful :)

Why is asking this of her partner unreasonable? Genuinely don’t understand.

Agreed with pp saying you need a back up for nursery collection. Would any of his nursery friends’ parents be willing to collect in an emergency?

Also, probably not special enough for you, but in my experience there are always several babies downstairs at Hide (haven’t noticed them upstairs though).

I think posters might be thinking of it as a big once in a lifetime meal thing, selfish of you not to share it with your DH... Whereas really you're just picking up on an old hobby from your work days?

Both my DH and I solo travelled a lot in our 20s (even when we were together), which entailed lots of solo exploration and experiences (including Michelin restaurants too!). We both really enjoyed the alone time aspect of it :) so I get that this is your angle. As long as you're prepared to do the same for him on his birthday

Surely baby will be on solids by then? Don’t see why you can’t take the train to London and leave your DH and DD at home, I am sure they will be fine and then your DH is there to pick your son up in case of emergency etc, then you have no time constraints either 😁

Get a babysitter and go with DP?!

Surprised at the amount of people thinking baby will be mostly eating solids by that age. Milk is the primary source of nutrition until 12 months.
My current baby completely refused solids until ten months. Another would only have a few mouthfuls until almost 12 months.
Three meals a day by 8.5 months is not a given. Nor is it necessary.

OP you should do what you want so long as you aren’t upsetting anyone. Ask your DH what he thinks.
The real dilemma is whether to leave your other child behind. Can you not take him too so there’s no chance of not getting back in time. A day off nursery is no big deal.

@JudgeRudy why should she stop breastfeeding?

As I said above, it's London, not the Outback! There are literally so many things kids and adults will both love in London

It’s not that I think you are totally unreasonable, it’s more that I think it’s unnecessary to eat on your own, on your birthday whilst your husband trails round with a sandwich and the buggy! Just book a babysitter and go out in the evening! She’ll be asleep by when?7.30? So go then! At 8.5 months they aren’t needing milk every few hours. She won’t need one till next morning, so make an evening of it. You are talking as if she will be 8 weeks, not 8 months!

Each to their own, but there is no way on this earth I would have a birthday meal at a Michelin starred restaurant on my own while Mrs Unicorn looks after the kids, and I'm certain that she wouldn't either. We both love fine food, fine dining and fine wine, I even have an extensive wine collection of several hundred bottles in the cellar, but however much I love fine food, I love Mrs Unicorn infinitely more. I'd rather be without the fine food, or even any food, than without Mrs Unicorn.

If she asked to do as the OP suggests, I would agree to her request; however, I would be very, very upset.

Wow. It’s like living in a parallel universe!

God forbid a married person would choose to do something by themselves - on their birthday - shock horror!