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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only drive places I know?

211 replies

Lis1992 · 22/02/2023 17:58

So I am driving around two years now. Passed my test first time and while I know I am a competent driver; I am still nervous. It’s others on the road who make me worry- if that makes sense. Like tailgaters,I try to ignore them but it’s a horrible feeling. I think it’s disgusting that irresponsible people do this just because you are driving safely. Anyway, I only drive when I need to- to work daily and local shops/appointments, I drive the dog to the local park or whatever. All routes I know and I have practice on.

If there is any kind of roadworks diversion etc I feel instant panic set in. I stick to routes I know and don’t drive anywhere else. Is there anyone else like this with driving? I’m happy I have the skill but I do only use the car when it’s essential.

OP posts:
Prisonbreak · 22/02/2023 18:05

My friend is similar. It’s unbelievably annoying when i suggest a place to meet or have lunch if it’s out with her normal roads. I end up having to collect her/drop her off. Or if she had to go somewhere ‘new’ she would need someone else to facilitate it. After 15 years of her selfish behaviour, we parted ways (obv more to the story than her refusal to drive further than 10 miles but that was a huge bug bear on everyone)

FT123456 · 22/02/2023 18:06

I was like this for after driving (can't remember how long for though)

But I've been driving about 8years now and I still get anxious about driving on new roads where I'm not sure on layouts ect especially as there are so many new restrictions in certain areas.

WaitingForSunnyDays · 22/02/2023 18:07

I knew someone else like this, but I find it odd. Out of interest, how do you learn somewhere new? Do you have to have someone else drive you there first?

Booooot · 22/02/2023 18:07

I had friend like this. We’re not really friends anymore as when I moved house she wouldn’t come to see me.

Redebs · 22/02/2023 18:08

I got over this by using a satnav with a nice, encouraging voice

secretllama · 22/02/2023 18:09

I know someone like this and it baffles me. Driving is driving... and with Sat navs its never been easier

quinceh · 22/02/2023 18:10

Not unreasonable, as you can drive how you like, but I’d recommend trying to build up your confidence and trying different routes.

Astrak · 22/02/2023 18:13

Could you get a sat nav? Years ago, I had a job which meant that I had to go to far-flung places via routes that I didn't know. I got a mid-range sat nav and it helped enormously.
Good luck. I hope that you feel less anxious soon.

Grumpybutfunny · 22/02/2023 18:14

Have you tried using the sat nav more. It's easier to drive with the flow of traffic so get people off your rear if you know you have 3 miles to the next exit.

Also get a big car with German badge keeps people off your rear. Some people seem to have put rear facing cameras. I am guilty of the just get on with it and drive at the speed limit (ideally +10% as your Speedo underreads) but give those with green L plates more space might be an option for you.

I would try and get away from staying local now as it's easier when it's not so ingrained. My dad bought me festival tickets just after I passed and sent me on my way.

CornedBeef451 · 22/02/2023 18:14

I think it's worth trying to get over your nerves for long term gain.

I've been driving for nearly 30 years now and have driven a variety of cars, a mini van, towed a trailer and driven in other countries.

I'm a bit out of practice now after barely driving due to covid and WAH but last year drove into London and had to give myself a few pep talks in a terrifying multi storey but I'm glad I did it.

Maybe you could take some extra lessons or just force yourself to do more driving, maybe with someone supportive with you to make you feel better?

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 22/02/2023 18:14

But all roads have the same rule, doesn't matter if you're in Carlisle or Devon so why is it so nerve wracking to drive unknown roads? Follow the markings, road signs and highway code and its all the same.

With satnav now it's easier than ever!!

SwordToFlamethrower · 22/02/2023 18:16

I love going to new places, I couldn't live like that, seems bizarre to be so restricted when driving a car

icelolly12 · 22/02/2023 18:17

I think it would be good for you to overcome this fear by facing it. Try a new route / place a week and soon you'll wonder what you were so anxious about.

PuttingDownRoots · 22/02/2023 18:20

You are not wrong to drive only when essential.

But you do need a way to become more confident. I have a very rubbish sense of direction... but Sat Nav helps for example.

The more you go unusual places, the easier it becomes.

Magenta82 · 22/02/2023 18:20

YABU you can drive, you know the rules of the road, you need to get outcand practice more. Learning to drive is supposed to make you independent, you seem to be missing this part.

myheartskipsskipsabeat · 22/02/2023 18:23

If it is not having an impact on anyone but you then that’s not unreasonable. However if people are having to drive to you constantly or pick you up because you won’t drive in a unfamiliar area then that is unreasonable.

I personally find people like you a bit annoying and I have given up on friendships where people only want to meet in a precise radius around their home and won’t even drive somewhere they are not comfortable with even though they have been there as a passenger zillions of times.

Badbudgeter · 22/02/2023 18:26

I'm a bit the same I live rurally so generally I'm driving down to the one of three villages. I'm not a fan of city driving as I don't do it often enough. I'd agree with a PP that having satnav/ google maps on your phone really helps.

I actually drive as part of my job, really expensive cars, but I do the same 10 mile round trip every day.

Womencanlift · 22/02/2023 18:26

Booooot · 22/02/2023 18:07

I had friend like this. We’re not really friends anymore as when I moved house she wouldn’t come to see me.

Same. I got sick of having to be the driver and go to hers all the time and even if I suggested somewhere in between she said no

Could never understand why she spent a fortune on lessons and a car to only drive about a 5 mile radius of her house

Tillow4ever · 22/02/2023 18:26

I'm not being funny, but I've never met a nervous driver who truly is competent. They're normally adequate at best. Rarely do they get up to the speed limit on main roads, constantly over breaking, don't leave a big enough gap for someone to overtake into, but too big for people to do 2 cars at once, etc.

You need to practice more to get over you're nervousness. Tailgaters are usually because the car behind wants to go faster... are you genuinely doing the speed limit? Or are you going a little slower? Are you sitting in the middle lane if a motorway and not moving over? Are you in the outside lane and not putting your foot down to get past stuff and out of the way?

Nervous drivers cause accidents because they're hesitant. Be aware if other vehicles but concentrate on driving well yourself.

JaffaMCCakey · 22/02/2023 18:29

I totally get it, I’ve been driving for over 30 years, am a very confident driver. It’s an anxiety thing, I panic about possibly getting lost. My poor DH used to have to drive me several times if I was required to go somewhere new for work or whatever. I have a sat nav but it doesn’t necessarily take you the right way, the thought of ending up a winding country lane with nowhere to turn around tips me over the edge.
I don’t burden him with this anymore but if I have to go somewhere he will explain the day before what junction to exit the motorway then talk me through directions. I’m incredibly confident in all other areas of my life and people can’t quite believe it or take me seriously when I tell them (which I don’t anymore).
I think it stems from when I was little going to the shops with my mum, my older brother was supposed to look after me when we looked at the toy section whilst my mum bought the groceries and every time he hid in the clothes rails. The complete panic of being lost and not being able to find where I need to go has never left me. Like a fool I always believed him when he said he wouldn’t do it again, and again, and again …..

JesPrinee · 22/02/2023 18:31

I can suggest a couple of things for you OP. I had tail-gaiting arseholes in the beginning. Just pull over safely and let them pass. They'll be glad to move on and you've shown maturity. I still do it now occasionally if I feel my sticking to the limit is pissing someone off.

Secondly, google maps is your friend. This is how I learnt. Pick a medium sized new journey and look it up on google maps. You can expand the picture so big you can even read road markings for lane discipline. Also you can 'walk' the journey on streetview. I found this made it so much easier to go somewhere new. I wasn't navigating and focusing on the traffic at the same time. You'll see buildings/features you remember from online and it makes it SO much easier. Then for longer journeys I made myself a crib sheet that I stuck to the dashboard with with things like 'O3' (at roundabout 3rd exit). I don't like satnav.

Also, I did one motorway lesson to be comfortable with speed.

user1497787065 · 22/02/2023 18:31

When my DC passed their driving tests I booked them Pass Plus courses which I think was about six hours with a driving instructor including motorway driving. There is no pass/fail but it does entail driving further from home and requires a bit more concentration for a longer period.

Those who don't have confidence driving need to push themselves to drive more rather than less.

sleepy78 · 22/02/2023 18:36

Oh OP, that could have been me who wrote your message. I am exactly the same. Unfortunately, it is an anxiety thing- different people show anxiety in different ways. I can talk in front of a room of people, organise large events etc but cars make me panic completely if I am not feeling in control. I am lucky because I live in a city with good public transport. I have improved, but absolutely at my own pace. Try to take small trips to places you don't know using google maps - just 10 minutes to start with. This is something that has helped me a lot.

Triffid1 · 22/02/2023 18:38

Sorry yo be harsh but yes, YABVU. What is yhe point of driving if you are so nervous? Who has to compensate for you? Friends and family who have to drive you around? Other drivers who are constantly having to deal with your nerves (pro tip : occasional tailgaters are wankers but if you are being consistently tailgated you are probably driving too slowly).

I spend a lot of time in the car and nervous incompetent drivers are incredibly frustrating.

sleepy78 · 22/02/2023 18:49

Also, nervous drivers do not necessarily make them incompetent. I know my limits, so drive where I feel comfortable which is everywhere necessary for my kids and my work. I drive well and at the right speed limit. But I do not do motorways because I know my limits and feel out of control. This is when the panic sets in.