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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only drive places I know?

211 replies

Lis1992 · 22/02/2023 17:58

So I am driving around two years now. Passed my test first time and while I know I am a competent driver; I am still nervous. It’s others on the road who make me worry- if that makes sense. Like tailgaters,I try to ignore them but it’s a horrible feeling. I think it’s disgusting that irresponsible people do this just because you are driving safely. Anyway, I only drive when I need to- to work daily and local shops/appointments, I drive the dog to the local park or whatever. All routes I know and I have practice on.

If there is any kind of roadworks diversion etc I feel instant panic set in. I stick to routes I know and don’t drive anywhere else. Is there anyone else like this with driving? I’m happy I have the skill but I do only use the car when it’s essential.

OP posts:
Firsttimemum120 · 22/02/2023 19:37

I am nervous on new roads or going to new places and sat nav is my best friend even driving around my own city. If there’s anything I’m unsure of I take my time slow down and watch what others do before doing it I always look for the road I’m going to have to take if I’m at a junction etc so I know where I’m aiming for. I’m anxious person but there’s no way I’m not driving somewhere because of that reason. To be fair I got out on motorways pretty quickly.

LadyJ2023 · 22/02/2023 19:37

Nothing worse than nervous drivers they make it worse for good drivers quite often you can tell them a mile off. Love driving, the day I passed my test I went for a 100 mile drive down motorways. Yes you have to be aware of the bad drivers but why let them spoil the pleasure of getting out and why does it matter if you don't know a certain road. You can either enjoy your new adventure or turn back 😉

2chocolateoranges · 22/02/2023 19:38

I think I’m quite a confident driver…. But only around areas I know.

I get a bit anxious driving in places or to places I don’t know and dh normally drives when we go out together however he has broken his leg and I’ve had to drive.

firstly I had to find the A&E that the ambulance had taken him to in an area that I have never been to and I managed it fine, I’ve then had to drive through our closest city centre to drop dd off and again this is something dh would normally have done .

so my confidence has grown and I’ll definitely not be as nervous to go places I’ve never been before.

dogdaydown · 22/02/2023 19:40

@Grizzledstrawberry I don't understand your point?

I know there's a difference between those things.

However, I said a panicking as the OP confirmed that even road works in her journey cause her "instant panic".

Grizzledstrawberry · 22/02/2023 19:40

One thing I've found that helps is Google maps, you can press on each step and it will have a view of the road layout etc. so I check that before I leave if there's a part I'm not certain about and even if I'm even a bit unsure of where I'm going I follow Google maps on my phone until I'm used to the route.

NevieSticks · 22/02/2023 19:41

When i was learning to drive the instructor slanted the mirror so that I could not see behind me - he said "forget about who is behind you , concentrate on who is in front of you". Not sure if that is necessarily good advice but it was 48 years ago 😂

Chasedbythechaser · 22/02/2023 19:41

I am like this and I hate being like this. Its so limiting. I think my nervous is due to being in a car crash when I was younger. I put off getting my licence for years. I also feel ridiculous getting public transport when we have two cars sitting in the driveway.

Triffid1 · 22/02/2023 19:42

Frabbits · 22/02/2023 19:30

You are either a safe, competent driver or you are not.

If you are not capable of following a sat-nav or following signs and reading the road ahead properly, you fall into the second category and if you could just stay off the roads entirely that will be better for everyone.

Harsh. But I tend to agree. Being a bit nervous at first is understandable but you should be proactively working on getting over it as otherwise you won't be a safe driver. Anticipating and adjusting is part of being a good driver.

openingbat · 22/02/2023 19:42

Yes yabu. What if you have to go somewhere in an emergency?

Why not build up slowly and try some new routes using sat nav that aren't too far out of your comfort zone, and go from there?

Partyandbullshit · 22/02/2023 19:45

You are not a competent driver.

AspiringMermaid · 22/02/2023 19:46

That is so silly😂

pigsDOfly · 22/02/2023 19:47

NevieSticks · 22/02/2023 19:41

When i was learning to drive the instructor slanted the mirror so that I could not see behind me - he said "forget about who is behind you , concentrate on who is in front of you". Not sure if that is necessarily good advice but it was 48 years ago 😂

It's not only not good advice, it's actually extremely dangerous advice.

Dontlistitonfacebook · 22/02/2023 19:50

OP I was nervous driving new places at first. But I had places I needed to go to, so just had to do it. No satnav in those days so I used to plan my route with maps.

Been driving over 30 years now and am fine with it. It's just practice! If you want to improve your confidence then yabu for only driving known routes. Honestly it's worth it to learn the skill and PP have given some good suggestions about how to build your confidence.

Can2022getanyworse · 22/02/2023 19:51

My ex mil thought I was nuts for visiting family 3 hours drive away. She'd go crazy if she knew some of the adventures I've been on! Yet she wouldn't drive any more than a few miles from home.

Another friend used to use a satnav that took them on a wierd and unnecessary diversion EVERY time she visited - like a 3 mile diversion off a main road, round the lanes, and back onto the same road. Wouldn't be told that she could stay on the same road and save 10 minutes by not turning off.

I suspect you are not the competent driver you think you are OP if a diversion causes you that amount of anxiety.

tinytemper66 · 22/02/2023 19:54

I will drive anyway as long as there is a guaranteed parking space. This is my only 'anal' thing about driving m!

Grizzledstrawberry · 22/02/2023 19:54

bozzabollix · 22/02/2023 19:14

I’m currently training to become a driving instructor and this fascinates me, I think it’s something I’d like to specialise in if the market is there. It seems to be a predominantly female source of anxiety (maybe because males aren’t so open, traditionally driving has been a male dominated area).

Is it something any of you who are experiencing this worry would seek help for? It must be very empowering to drive where you want without fear if you have previously suffered. Or are you happy to carry on as is sticking to the same routes etc?

As you can probably guess I love driving so no I don’t share this fear, but feel sad for others that such a liberating activity is such a source of anxiety. It shouldn’t be an AIBU really, you can’t be unreasonable for feeling fear. It’s a common problem too.

My second instructor was female, my first male instructor shouted 'for gods sake' at me on my first lesson because I kept stalling, his obvious annoyance at me didn't help me to stop stalling, he was awful, was the first time I had ever sat in the drivers seat, I gave up and didn't try again for years, he had made me feel like I was just crap and would never drive, My second instructor (female) was incredibly patient with me, talked me down when I was feeling anxious, wrote down anything I was struggling with, with diagrams for me to take home and study and was just generally really kind and lovely, I don't think I would have passed with anyone else.

(Not saying men can't be lovely instructors too, I just felt like the female instructor understood my anxiety with driving better)

I would definitely seek help with a instructor like that, it made all the difference for me.

Gremlins101 · 22/02/2023 20:07

I think you are fine once it doesn't impede other's freedom.

My MIL won't drive in the dark or anywhere with traffic, or on a narrow single lane road, and we live in very rural area. So her husband has to take the day off work if she has an appointment even though she has a beautiful car and has been driving 40 years or so. He has to fuel the car for her too as she won't do it. I'd actually find it cute if she didn't makes me and DH feel a bit rubbish about how we spend our time and raise our kids.

Anyway it is to my advantage. we are moving to a house very close by theirs, and the road between their house and ours, she can't drive on it!!

Gremlins101 · 22/02/2023 20:09

I should have said in my previous message that I think youre doing fine. I appreciate a safe driver 🙂

FictionalCharacter · 22/02/2023 20:10

Frabbits · 22/02/2023 19:30

You are either a safe, competent driver or you are not.

If you are not capable of following a sat-nav or following signs and reading the road ahead properly, you fall into the second category and if you could just stay off the roads entirely that will be better for everyone.

I agree. If you’re so lacking in confidence you won’t go anywhere unfamiliar, would you cope in an emergency? What happens if there’s a diversion, or someone needs you to pick them up somewhere else, or the police direct you away from an accident?
You would benefit from expanding your familiar area as soon as possible, because staying in your comfort zone will reinforce your lack of confidence. Or you could get some extra driving lessons.
The people who never build up their confidence and become the driver who only drives to the local shops / when it’s daylight and not raining or does 50 mph on the motorway are not safe drivers.

pictoosh · 22/02/2023 20:13

It’s up to you but you’re completely restricting your options. Being able to drive means freedom. Seems a shame to curtail it.

BooksAndHooks · 22/02/2023 20:15

I’ve been driving ten years and still like this. It’s like any other fear it’s not logical, telling someone afraid of spiders they can’t hurt you doesn’t stop their body reacting with fear. I can’t explain the logic behind it and why I cannot transfer the skills from one road to another, I just can’t. It’s not something I’m proud of it’s embarrassing. But it is what it is and I’d rather drive safely where I am comfortable than risk an accident by driving when I’m in no fit state to drive.

pluggee · 22/02/2023 20:17

I get this a bit, not on new roads outside of London but places in London i'm not familiar with & I live in London. The lanes/box junctions, one way etc give me anxiety

mozzyworries · 22/02/2023 20:17

You need to gradually build your confidence OP. Can you start by doing a short drive out of your comfort zone/known roads, just a couple of minutes.

Then keep building up to longer durations/distances.

You can pick a place you'd like to go to to give your journey purpose, like a cafe, cinema, specific shop. Also gives you a break before you do the return journey.

The more you drive to places you don't know and get comfortable using the sat nav while driving, the more you'll feel comfortable going further.

When I first started driving (several years after passing my test) I was scared to even drive to the train station 5 mins away or supermarket 10 mins away, but I pushed myself in this way and now feel comfortable driving anywhere, but it did take time.

DarlingCoffee · 22/02/2023 20:29

I do this. You’re not alone OP!

watcherintherye · 22/02/2023 20:30

Tailgaters are usually because the car behind wants to go faster... are you genuinely doing the speed limit?

Yeah, tailgaters are usually arseholes who are crap drivers. You don’t have to ‘do’ the speed limit. It’s a limit, not a target, and you have to take into account things such as visibility and road conditions. People who think you have to ‘do’ the speed limit, no matter what, and who drive up the backside of the car in front are many things, a good driver not being one of them.