To only drive places I know?

[Lis1992]

So I am driving around two years now. Passed my test first time and while I know I am a competent driver; I am still nervous. It’s others on the road who make me worry- if that makes sense. Like tailgaters,I try to ignore them but it’s a horrible feeling. I think it’s disgusting that irresponsible people do this just because you are driving safely. Anyway, I only drive when I need to- to work daily and local shops/appointments, I drive the dog to the local park or whatever. All routes I know and I have practice on.

If there is any kind of roadworks diversion etc I feel instant panic set in. I stick to routes I know and don’t drive anywhere else. Is there anyone else like this with driving? I’m happy I have the skill but I do only use the car when it’s essential.

Oh right and you've diagnosed op as being a liar then despite not knowing her? I see.

I’d say, op, that if you’re that nervous and / or unsure about how to negotiate unfamiliar roads, you’re not the competent driver you think you are. And never will be if you only drive to the same very few places.

Driving anxiety is quite common and it’s not entirely irrational as accidents do happen. I never enjoyed driving but did what I had to do in order not to be a nuisance to other people. I lost a lot more confidence during lockdown and now I will only drive locally. I’m older though and no one is relying on me to drive. If you would really like to be able to drive further afield try gradual exposure. Drive a couple of junctions on an unfamiliar motorway or face one difficult roundabout. Perhaps hypnotherapy would help or an advanced driving course. It isn’t nervous drivers who cause accidents it’s the people who are extremely impatient. You can see the lack of sympathy in some of the responses.

I drive well, but navigate really badly. So I am fine going most places apart from city centres with counter intuitive ring roads, one ways, and hard to find parking.

The only tip I can pass on is to get a bit Zen about getting lost. Leave lots of extra time and safety first - do whatever your lane is marked for, and come back around if you drive past where you need to be. I've missed countless exits, once, accidentally got on the motorway going back the way I came after a services stop, and lapped ring roads, but have never had an accident.

And motorways are your friend - best, most straightforward signs and lane markings - so if there's ever a choice I choose the motorway.

I am the same, I had a lorry crash into me drag me down the motorway for 3 minutes reliezed when he got off his phone what he had done, tried to stop and flung me into another 3 cars.
Really messed me up, I only drive where I feel comfortable. I've tried to do longer distances but I get nervous and tail haters make it even worse.
I get them always right at the back of me even on 30 mph roads like why?! I know it's their fault if they go into the back of you but still very selfish for other drivers on the road.

Some of the nastier replies are really contradicting themselves. Saying nervous drivers shouldn’t be on the roads but also saying anyone who doesn’t drive is selfish and inconveniences everyone else. Why on earth would anyone use anxiety as an excuse not to drive, they would only be making their own life more difficult.

@Birdsbirdsbirds where did I reference OP, I was referencing your ridiculous quote of saying no one blames anxiety unnecessarily.

P

I forgot to say that I had a couple of people in my new team who were anxious about driving anywhere other than in the town, but we were supporting care leavers who lived in various locations, some quite far away. So they were essential car users, plus had to be able to go anywhere the care leavers were living.
Giving them only local cases wasn't fair to the others.
We sent them on an advanced driving course in the end, which really helped them. One of them in particular now takes great pleasure in day trips with her DC, as well as work driving.

I was getting to this point so am now making a concerted effort to drive to new places and practise. I am such a people pleaser my main worry is causing a crash and inconveniencing/killing others.

You cannot be serious, they make everyone that drives with them lives more difficult, picking them up, dropping them off, deciding the timings, deciding the route, where to park (and inevitably paying for it), whilst they do what exactly?

There's a lot of very cocky people on here trying to justify their poor behaviour behind the wheel - and I'm not talking about the nervous drivers (who can be dangerous, certainly, but are not universally so).

You absolutely should not be driving to the speed limit plus 10% - speedometers do not always under-report your speed, and if you're doing this, you're almost certainly speeding, at least some of the time.

If you're driving "to the speed limit" as a principle, and tail gating, or overtaking other road users dangerously to do that, you're driving dangerously. There are many, many roads where it is dangerous to attempt to drive at the speed limit, even when conditions are otherwise good. These are usually rural roads, which are often NSL by default, not because it's remotely appropriate to drive at 60. Not that this fact stops the occasion idiot attempting it.

Even where the road is safe to drive at the speed limit, there is no excuse for tail gating - you can never know why the car in front is driving more slowly that you'd like, and, even if they're doing something stupid, dangerous or just annoying like being nervous on a new road, that is no excuse to try and bully them into speeding up. You could equally be held up by an accident, traffic, a tractor in the road (or any number of things), so you'd be better off leaving yourself more time, so you can allow other people to drive less quickly without it affecting you.

OP, it’s really not good that you’re still THIS nervous 2 years in. Not for you, and not for the other drivers on the roads. It sounds like you’re not exposing yourself to any new situations which is contributing to your lack of confidence.
Some tips to improve- make new journeys at times when the roads are quiet (late in the evening, early in a Sunday for example. Plan your route ahead. Look at a map, check for any roads works or diversions etc. don’t put yourself under pressure; ie have to be there by a certain time. Dont have passengers in the car with you. Gradually, the more you do this you’ll become more confident and new or unexpected situations won’t freak you out as much.

Well my quote was about op, in response to another shitty comment.

I'm sure some people do use anxiety as an excuse but this doesn't sound like that to me. Of course, you clearly know it all and know better than everyone else.

.... So what should they do then? Considering anxious drivers shouldnt drive, but should never rely on anyone else ever?

Fyi before I drove my husband was happy to drive places, you know, because when you're married you do things to help eachother out. I feel sorry for those people's partners who simply find them something that makes their life hard. How fucking sad.

You could use

1. Public transport
2. Go to advanced driving courses
3. Practise more

Happy that your DH deals with the slack for you, that's great, but what a burden for him really? Glad you realised and learnt to drive. How do you think he would feel if you still couldn't drive?

I've stopped giving my DS a get out of "I don't like driving here or there" well then I will meet you there, however you get there. I don't see why I should be the first to leave and the last to arrive home, to deal with her not wanting to drive.

If people only drive where they know, then how did they get to that stage? They must've started off not driving there?

Also, you don't seemed to have acknowledged that I never called OP a liar, you are clearly just going to argue with whatever I say instead?

And I am me, I am independent and able to drive, I do not need to rely on my DH for basic actions.

How many men do you think rely on their DWs to be their personal chauffeurs?

This is great advice! Give yourself plenty of time and don't worry about taking a wrong turn.

Sometimes you'll be in the wrong lane and get shunted off in the wrong direction - so what!? There's always somewhere to turn around or pull in and regroup!

I can’t believe the attitude on here to people who don’t drive. The way things are going more and more people will not own a car, with ULEZ and other schemes making it more and more difficult to own private vehicles.

I know lots of couples where only one person has a driver’s licence for various reasons. Maybe it’s because in London it’s quite normal to not drive. I can’t see my DC being able to afford to drive when the time comes. Although two have disabilities so will probably be a burden if they don’t drive due to this in the eyes of those demonising non drivers.

Don't you have SatNav on your phone? You can't be a good driver and be nervous of driving on new roads. That's totally weird. Just follow the SatNav. I don't get what's different about "familiar" roads and other roads if you have a SatNav. You can encounter tailgators anywhere. Just ignore them, but allow them to overtake.

I'm also in London and driving gives you freedom other means of transport don't. You can go anywhere any time. Non-drivers limit their lives and have to rely on lifts.

That was me 😊 I still park away from supermarket entrances but I also like to go at quiet times anyway so I spend less time in the shop itself.

However I now have a community job where I have to cover a large country so I drive quite a lot now. Having a sat nav really helps and I sometimes do a street view walk first. I still avoid city centres and motorways but I don't need to really do them in my everyday life anyway which makes it easier.

Op what I did was to practise on Sunday mornings to get used to different areas and built it up from there. Once you have been somewhere it then becomes more familiar and therefore a bit easier

County not country 🤦‍♀️

I am exactly like this OP and have been driving for over 20 years. For me it is pretty acute. I think most of my friends have been understanding as they know there is a lot of anxiety underneath it. I am not an anxious person at all, but feel like I have some kind of spatial dyslexia that makes driving / navigating much harder for me, even though I had no problem passing my test1 Satnav helps but doesn't solve it altogether as I also get nervous on busy roads and confused by complex junctions / road layouts, etc. For that reason I stick to B roads and places I know so that I can drive safely and confidently.

I tried taking extra lessons and did them well, but because I have never needed too drive a lot the more advanced skills never stuck. I have always commuted to London for work by train and lived in areas where I can use public transport / walk. I do find it limiting though, especially as a lot of friends now live further away. I would love to be like others who can jump in a hire car abroad and just get on with it!

This is ridiculous. You should not be driving at all! You look at local Facebook groups to see if there are roadworks and the one time there was a diversion that becca on Facebook didn't flag up you had to pull over as you were too anxious! For the sake of the safety other road users and pedestrians please stop driving!

Sometimes the thought of driving somewhere new is worse than the actual drive. I’ve been in situations where I’ve gone wrong on a roundabout down a dark a-road in the middle of nowhere. You just have to go with the flow. I am a confident driver (passed my test and then 4 months later drove 200 miles up the country without stopping, went wrong so many times the journey took 5 hours not 3.5!) but with a sat nav it’s so much easier. You know when the turns are coming, and if you miss them then the panic is gone as it just automatically reroutes you.
I even use my sat nav on my commute as it’s handy to know about any accidents etc.

Something random that I find helps me is always making sure I have more than enough petrol in my car for the journey if I’m going somewhere new. That way I don’t have to worry about finding a station on the way, or cutting it fine if I get lost and the detour is quite a few miles (once took the wrong exit on the motorway and added 20 miles!)

Put a new destination in the satnav and start driving, try a garden centre or something that you can park after the drive and distress by spending a while at the destination.