To only drive places I know?

[Lis1992]

So I am driving around two years now. Passed my test first time and while I know I am a competent driver; I am still nervous. It’s others on the road who make me worry- if that makes sense. Like tailgaters,I try to ignore them but it’s a horrible feeling. I think it’s disgusting that irresponsible people do this just because you are driving safely. Anyway, I only drive when I need to- to work daily and local shops/appointments, I drive the dog to the local park or whatever. All routes I know and I have practice on.

If there is any kind of roadworks diversion etc I feel instant panic set in. I stick to routes I know and don’t drive anywhere else. Is there anyone else like this with driving? I’m happy I have the skill but I do only use the car when it’s essential.

Sorry, you are neither a competent or confident driver if you are unable to drive on unfamiliar areas.

I started like this but I made it my goal to gradually add a new route every couple of months. I've got three kids who often need taking to random venues for parties and clubs, so that helps as I have no choice.

As to how I do this, I look at google maps and street view to see what kinds of roads and things I'll be dealing with and so I can visualise the route better. I feel calmer when there aren't surprises! I have a sat nav which helps.

There will be people who say you shouldn't be driving but I really fail to see why not? Only driving to certain places doesn't make you less safe. I do not drive on the motorway, not because I would be unsafe but because I find it stressful and I don't need to.

I don't put anyone else out though, and if a friend wanted to me meet me somewhere that I didn't want to drive to then I'd just get public transport.

I’m genuinely confused. If you’re a competent driver and have access to a navigation system/Google maps, what’s the difference between driving familiar versus unfamiliar routes @Lis1992

I should add - I had severe driving phobia for 15 years and thought I would never ever drive again. I know drive most days and I genuinely never thought I could. If I only drive to maybe ten different places regularly, then I don't care, it's more than I ever thought I would do.

It’s a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy I find. I worry that my lack of confidence makes me a bad driver (as comments here would suggest!), feeling like a bad driver makes me question my decision making while driving, which then undermines my confidence and round and round. I use SatNav everywhere, even for familiar journeys, like a safety blanket. Other drivers really don’t help sometimes - I was driving to exit a busy car park recently, one I’ve been in loads of times - ensured I checked all around me before turning for the exit but immediately after the manoeuvre there was a car behind me beeping and a male driver gesticulating. I genuinely have no idea what I was supposed to have done wrong to justify his behaviour, that knocked my confidence again and made me want to avoid going to the same car park. And then transfers to being anxious about other car parks!

As a previous poster said, I’m pretty competent in other areas of my life but for driving and it is a pain in the arse. I don’t think learning to drive later in life helped, but when I started learning at 17 it coincided with several people from my year being killed or seriously injured in car accidents and I think that put me off learning for so long that I’ve struggled to enjoy driving at all.

Well, having a panic attack at roadworks in a familiar area doesn’t really indicate competence or confidence

I think most drivers in this situation if they felt panicked would pull over and reassess

I am always bemused by this, "its a limit, not a target" thing. Its the speed at which it is safe to drive in normal conditions and so, to keep traffic moving, most drivers should, under most conditions be at, or close to that speed. I mean, driving 28 in a 30 zone is fine, but driving 20 in a 30 zone when the conditions are good, daylight etc, is arguably as dangerous as driving 40. Other drivers are instinctively making decisions based on an understanding of the standard speed etc. And yes, some will get impatient and drive erratically. That IS their fault, but let's be honest, the slow poke at 20 needs to bear some responsibility.

It's like people who say they can't navigate roundabouts. Don't drive then. Some are easier than others so I am sympathetic (I have been known to go round a big one more than once), but you can't just avoid them or expect other drivers to miraculously know that actually, you are going to yield when it's not your turn or go whenever you feel like it.

I feel very similar to you. It's often quite difficult to admit you aren't a 'natural' driver and people knock your confidence even more when you do.

A friend hit and killed a pedestrian while I was learning to drive. It wasn't my friends fault (inquest said so anyway) but that didn't really change anything. It freaked me out completely and although I did pass my test, I never drove again for years.

This wasn’t directed at me but I’m another driver who will only drive very short and familiar routes. The difference for me is I can pay 100% attention to the road, I find looking at/listening to a satnav very distracting whilst driving.

On an unfamiliar route my brain is tring to listen to the instructions, look at the screen, read every road sign, dodge every unexpected pothole, look out for speed bumps, worry about what the parking will be like etc etc. it feels like an overwhelming amount of new information to process and numerous unknowns to worry about.

on one of my familiar routes I drive in silence, I know every pothole, every speed bump, every change of speed limit, every sharp bend, where I will park etc so my brain is much quieter and 100% of my attention is on the road and the cars/pedestrians around me….it’s a very different experience and feels much safer.

I'm sure someone has said this already but I sometimes look at new journeys (or at least the tricky bits - turnings, decision points etc) in Google maps street view and drag it along like I'm driving.

Obviously not the real deal but it might help?

I knew someone who would never drive anywhere she needed to make a right turn (thereby crossing lanes of traffic). Yabu. Just do it as it gets easier.

I don't drive anywhere that I don't know.

I don't know why , maybe to do with having had a couple of near misses but that's where I am.

If I'm meeting a friend I'll always offer to drive but if we choose somewhere outside my comfort zone ,then I'll say so.
My friends understand this and I always pay for both of us at the venue . If it's a few miles away, I always offer petrol money too.

And , to those who might think I'm selfish, I used to drive, twice a week , from Birmingham to West London for over a year.
I can't , now, even drive into the next town.
I can't explain it but I just can't.

I agree. It worries me that ‘anxious’ drivers are on the public highway in 3 tonnes of metal. You shouldn’t be on the road imo.

It depends if you want to be able to go further afield. If you are just scared but want to learn the route then, sorry but you just need to do it. Once you've done it then you know the route for next time. Spend time looking at maps. When you're a passenger, take the time to notice road signs, street signs and the route the driver is taking. Take every opportunity to drive: say I'll drive instead of letting someone else do it.

You're not a competent driver at all if such basic things as roadworks make you feel "instant panic." I know some posters are trying to normalise it, but it's really not ok or safe to have that level of anxiety on the road.

I have friends like this, who won't drive on country roads, won't drive in the dark, etc. Means I have to do all the driving if I want to see them, and it's incredibly frustrating.

I would absolutely like help with this. I find driving so incredibly liberating that I can't believe I didn't do it for so long, but I am still very limited in where I drive to. I'd love to just think 'oh I'll drive to the lakes today' without having to plan and plan the route.

And I have to say whilst I’m very restricted with driving I’m happy to walk up to 1.5 hours to meet a friend and/or get public transport or use taxis. If one of my friends was adamant that they would only meet in places that are completely inaccessible to me by foot, public transport or taxi then I guess that friendship would die a death. But happily it hasn’t happened yet!

I always feel quite conscious that I am sat in a potentially lethal weapon surrounded by other potentially lethal weapons, moving at speed and others could be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or using their phone etc. That doesn’t help with confidence either!

YANBU - I was like this OP, I was so nervous for years that I would avoid driving unless completely necessary usually opting to get public transport. If I knew I was driving somewhere ahead of time I would think about it in the days leading up to it and panic. The only thing that helped was getting pregnant/having DC and being forced to drive because I couldn’t really walk. I drive everywhere now and even sometimes mildly enjoy it, so I hate to say it but the only way to get over it is to drive more. I would say I’m almost there in terms of feeling like I could go anywhere any time and I barely think about getting in the car now. Still don’t like driving at night, can’t parallel park and not the best with roundabouts but I’m getting there.

I don't understand that at all, to be honest. To me, part of the delight of being a driver is exploring parts unknown. A few weeks ago I flew into Phoenix International Airport, rented a car with satnav and drove through the state! I cannot fathom only driving to places I know.

It is an anxiety thing, I have the same problem it’s a fear of getting lost. I got lost on a caravan site when I was 5 years old and the feeling of never being found engulfed me with terror. I now have blind panic when I have to drive anywhere new even if it’s not that far away. I’m a good driver and have been driving a long time. I will drive to new places but the amount of anxiety I have to go through to get there is ridiculous. Sometimes I’m so overwhelmed I make an excuse not to go 😢

Sorry, just had to say I used to do this 😂 DH always thought I was nuts. It did used to ease my anxiety though

Same, any driver going anywhere could be faced with a diversion/roadworks etc and need to go a different route, it actually worries me that so many people are driving about when they can’t really competently drive, it’s dangerous.

I also find it quite irritating, a family member of mine won’t drive out of our local area so expects lifts or plans to revolve around her, I’ve given up making a lot of plans with her tbh.

Also - all this nervousness around driving always seems to be a female thing, I’ve never in my life heard a man say this kind of thing, not sure what that’s about - have all these women been conditioned to have such little confidence?

God OP you're getting a rough time on here. I used to be exactly like you and still am to some extent. I tried to put myself out of my comfort zone when I can, driving on UK holidays for example. I'm fine rurally even on roads I don't know because I grew up somewhere extremely rural. My husband as helped as he has just made me drive sometimes (in a kind way). I made a couple of mistakes when younger which completely dashed my confidence - panicked when a lorry pulled out of a slip lane under me and pulled across into the fast lane, luckuly it was OK, and went down a town junction slip road the wrong way as there was an arrow, sadly the arrow was for where to wait not exactly where to go. But I got over it. I find a lot depends on how I'm feeling, sometimes I feel like I could drive to London (maybe not) and other times I'm quite happy pooteling around here and don't feel so confident. When feeling good I love driving. Best wishes