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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to give a friend lifts any more

244 replies

Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:32

So after dealing with shitty family, I'm now looking at friendships - I want to be more assertive and make sure I'm not being used and that I have a good support network

For the past few months, I have given lifts to my friend to boxing.
My friend doesn't drive so I take her. She doesn't pay towards fuel at all.and has never offered - although I have said she needs to start contributing to the cost

As the boxing class doesn't finish until 10.30 pm I told her that supermarket stops after class would not be happening going forward and she can sort that out herself as I'm not prepared to wait for her to do a full shop at that time which also delays me getting home. (I've done it twice and she's had me waiting over an hour!!)
She got very angry and said she needs to do her shopping
I told her that was not my problem and I also reminded her that going forward she needs to contribute to the cost of petrol as she wouldn't be able to get to class without my car.
She was not happy so I said that it was fine but I would meet her there next week as i was fed up of being taken advantage of and used.
She said she cannot afford the taxis as one way is £10. I told her that she can get a bus and we will meet there. They run til 11.30pm so she could get home too and if she wanted to go to the class she would manage it.
AIBU to stop giving her lifts anywhere and just meet her at the class?
I feel I've been clear that she's taking advantage but feel a but guilty.
DH said that she's taking the piss with expecting me to wait for her to go shopping and also not contributing any petrol money and he thinks I'm 100% right

OP posts:
IfIGoThereWillBeTrouble · 22/02/2023 09:35

YADNBU. Out of interest, is it you and your friend who do the boxing, or are you taking your & her kids there?

EmmaDilemma5 · 22/02/2023 09:35

Good on you.

How much petrol money have you asked for? How long is the journey?

MeridianB · 22/02/2023 09:37

Oh my. She really took advantage didn't she? Thanks for the lift to boxing, now wait an hour while I do my full supermarket shop at 1130pm?

Well done for calling her out. The fact she had the nerve to get angry and protest about a taxi tells you everything you need to know.

If she doesn't take you seriously then you need to follow through and stop all the lifts.

ign0re · 22/02/2023 09:44

Yeah you are not being unreasonable, they’re not willing to contribute to petrol and want you to also accommodate them doing their weekly food shop? Total pisstaker. I probably would’ve been a bit politer to them about it but I suppose why bother when they’re not showing you any gratitude or politeness themselves!

GabriellaMontez · 22/02/2023 09:46

I can't believe you have to ask. She's a manipulative user.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 22/02/2023 09:46

YANBU at all! How much petrol did you ask for? As for expecting you to wait while she does her shopping at 10.30pm at night is a complete and utter cheeky fucker move!

She's not a friend she's using you.

Original poster
Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:48

I have asked for £25 a month. Its a 40 minute drive each way

It's just us 2 adults that go.
I think if she hadn't gotten angry I wpuld have been nicer but I won't be spoken to like crap lol.

OP posts:
KindlyKanga · 22/02/2023 09:49

she totally used you. I'm so sorry.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 22/02/2023 09:49

Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:48

I have asked for £25 a month. Its a 40 minute drive each way

It's just us 2 adults that go.
I think if she hadn't gotten angry I wpuld have been nicer but I won't be spoken to like crap lol.

Really and she's moaning about £25 compared to £10 each way? 😂
YANBU at all, I'd drop her. She has a horrible entitled attitude she's suppose to be your friend not your child.

readingismycardio · 22/02/2023 09:51

Drop her, honestly. She sounds very entitled and borderline unhinged. On another note, I'm keeping a close eye on my friendships too, I get how you feel.

Foundryside · 22/02/2023 09:51

Who asks someone to take them to a supermarket for a full shop at 10:30pm! That’s some cheek 😯

YANBU.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/02/2023 09:52

Please listen to your husband. This woman is not your friend. What a piss taker. Drop her.

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 22/02/2023 09:53

The only problem with her contributing £25 per month will be that she will feel fully entitled to make you wait outside the supermarket while she does her shopping. I'd say just cut your losses and drop the lifts altogether.

Ghost92 · 22/02/2023 09:53

Nah, she was totally taking the mick. Well done you for calling her out on it. Stick to your guns and if you lose her as a friend, I don’t really think you’ve lost much.

anonacfr · 22/02/2023 09:53

Lifts I can see why you'd feel a little guilty- then I saw she got annoyed when you asked for petrol contribution.

But shopping and keeping you waiting over an hour.
What the hell? She has the rest of the week to do it, or online shopping.
You're not her personal chauffeur.

clairelouwho · 22/02/2023 09:55

So if she was to get a taxi it would be approximately £80 a month assuming it’s once a week and both ways.

Youve asked £25 a month for the same. She was getting a deal and you were definitely not being remotely unreasonable in either of your requests.

She is not entitled to free travel. No one is. If she can’t or won’t pay towards the cost of fuel then she makes her own way and if she can’t do that then she can’t go. Simple as and not your problem.

I don’t think you said anything wrong. You were confronted with a CF and responded to it. She was definitely using you and good on you putting a stop to it.

Original poster
Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:55

Thankyou everyone.

I think that the responses solidify my thinking.

I have messaged my friend and told her there are no more lifts anywhere. I will be civil but honestly she is such hard work and takes shit personally and bears massive grudges.

With every toxic person i distance myself from I am.hoping that my self esteem will rise 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

OP posts:
unstoppable1 · 22/02/2023 09:56

Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:55

Thankyou everyone.

I think that the responses solidify my thinking.

I have messaged my friend and told her there are no more lifts anywhere. I will be civil but honestly she is such hard work and takes shit personally and bears massive grudges.

With every toxic person i distance myself from I am.hoping that my self esteem will rise 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

Let us know what she says.

Original poster
Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:57

She is replying now 🤣

OP posts:
Ohyoudodoyou · 22/02/2023 09:57

Usually people come on here and agonise over asking people for money/stopping lifts.
How refreshing to see someone come on and actually tackled it before posting.
Great stuff OP, CF of the world take heed!
(You did the right thing in my view.)

UdoU · 22/02/2023 09:57

YANBU, you are 100% right OP.

Stay firm with the CF!

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 22/02/2023 09:59

Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:57

She is replying now 🤣

Let us know what she says. She'll probably go down the victim route.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/02/2023 09:59

Your " friend " gets the Cheeky Fucker award for today, jesus christ, she made you wait an hour so she could shop at her leisure AND she had the gall to be rude when you asked for a very small contribution.

I'm glad you're standing up for yourself, I hope you drop this one completely, she is a user.

BMW6 · 22/02/2023 10:00

Well you certainly don't need a person like this in your life!

What an entitled CF (Cunty Fucker). Get rid OP.

hekissedmybottom · 22/02/2023 10:02

I'm taken aback that someone expects you to sit in the car for an hour waiting for her. Seems normal friends would go in together and do shopping together, she'd be picking up a bottle for you etc. etc.

This isn't a friendship. she's using you.