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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to give a friend lifts any more

244 replies

Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:32

So after dealing with shitty family, I'm now looking at friendships - I want to be more assertive and make sure I'm not being used and that I have a good support network

For the past few months, I have given lifts to my friend to boxing.
My friend doesn't drive so I take her. She doesn't pay towards fuel at all.and has never offered - although I have said she needs to start contributing to the cost

As the boxing class doesn't finish until 10.30 pm I told her that supermarket stops after class would not be happening going forward and she can sort that out herself as I'm not prepared to wait for her to do a full shop at that time which also delays me getting home. (I've done it twice and she's had me waiting over an hour!!)
She got very angry and said she needs to do her shopping
I told her that was not my problem and I also reminded her that going forward she needs to contribute to the cost of petrol as she wouldn't be able to get to class without my car.
She was not happy so I said that it was fine but I would meet her there next week as i was fed up of being taken advantage of and used.
She said she cannot afford the taxis as one way is £10. I told her that she can get a bus and we will meet there. They run til 11.30pm so she could get home too and if she wanted to go to the class she would manage it.
AIBU to stop giving her lifts anywhere and just meet her at the class?
I feel I've been clear that she's taking advantage but feel a but guilty.
DH said that she's taking the piss with expecting me to wait for her to go shopping and also not contributing any petrol money and he thinks I'm 100% right

OP posts:
Grizzledstrawberry · 22/02/2023 10:02

Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:55

Thankyou everyone.

I think that the responses solidify my thinking.

I have messaged my friend and told her there are no more lifts anywhere. I will be civil but honestly she is such hard work and takes shit personally and bears massive grudges.

With every toxic person i distance myself from I am.hoping that my self esteem will rise 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

Good for you! She was definitely taking the piss out of you, especially with the shopping.

Fraaahnces · 22/02/2023 10:03

Wow! She’s a nightmare. I’d be putting her firmly in the acquaintance pile, and reserving friends for another list.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 22/02/2023 10:03

When my friend hasn't yet passed her test I took her to /from play group with 2 x dc several times a week.. Then she passed. Once or twice my car had issues. Never did she offer me a lift.
Ime once a piss taker always a piss taker. No lifts at all moving forward op. That £25 will give her Huge Rights imo.

FoxFeatures · 22/02/2023 10:03

If I was travelling anyway, I wouldn't ask for petrol money, but there is no way in hell I would take her shopping afterwards.

ChilliBandit · 22/02/2023 10:05

Good for you for putting an end to it. I can’t believe she did a full supermarket shop whilst you waited, twice! The audacity.

Tinkerbell1980 · 22/02/2023 10:07

Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:57

She is replying now 🤣

What did she say 🤣

Winniewoooooooo · 22/02/2023 10:07

£10 taxi for a 40 minute journey. That's very cheap?

Original poster
Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 10:07

So she has message straight back. She said and I quote "WHAT?! how am I meant to get there now? What about me? Do you think that because you've already been moved to a higher group that you deserve to go more than I do? I have said I.will contribute towards fuel but £25 is ridiculous. I was thinking £10 at most"

I have replied saying (quote the exact message) "excuse me but don't speak to me like that. How dare you think that is acceptable. What about you? You get there on a bus or in a taxi. I have spoken to a taxi company and its actually £14 each way so you lied to.me about ringing for a quote. I've been moved to another group because I'm picking it up quickly. It's not my fault that you're struggling with it so don't put that on me.
Quite frankly, £10 is an absolute joke. Based on your estimate of 10 quid each way it would be 80 quid a month so 25 is a bloody bargain!!
I actually think your response has made my mind up. Find your own way there from now on. See ya"

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 22/02/2023 10:09

@Lonelygirl38 you're a mumsnet legend. 😂 well done! What a cf! Knew she'd play victim.

Tinkerbell1980 · 22/02/2023 10:10

I think that if she gave you the £25 she'd then expect you to take her shopping because she's paying. Thus opening a whole new can of cheeky fuckery!

MagpiePi · 22/02/2023 10:10

Good on you OP!

You don’t need CFs like that in your life.

Jemism · 22/02/2023 10:10

That is totally unreasonable of her! I don’t drive either and I’m always grateful of people taking me places and most of my friends are happy to give me lifts but it’s like 10 mins. If I had to get a lift outside of my town I would absolutely expect to pay. That in itself is very selfish on her behalf to expect lifts for free over a long distance but the shopping thing is utterly ridiculous! How is her having to do her shopping your problem, especially so late at night? If she can’t get to a supermarket, it’s like a couple of quid to get it delivered to your house?? She is majorly taking advantage of your good nature - well done you for standing up for yourself, you don’t need ‘friends’ like that!

Pleasecreateausername13 · 22/02/2023 10:10

Haha OP, that’s absolutely savage!!

But I love it! Well done for standing up for yourself.

unstoppable1 · 22/02/2023 10:10

Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 10:07

So she has message straight back. She said and I quote "WHAT?! how am I meant to get there now? What about me? Do you think that because you've already been moved to a higher group that you deserve to go more than I do? I have said I.will contribute towards fuel but £25 is ridiculous. I was thinking £10 at most"

I have replied saying (quote the exact message) "excuse me but don't speak to me like that. How dare you think that is acceptable. What about you? You get there on a bus or in a taxi. I have spoken to a taxi company and its actually £14 each way so you lied to.me about ringing for a quote. I've been moved to another group because I'm picking it up quickly. It's not my fault that you're struggling with it so don't put that on me.
Quite frankly, £10 is an absolute joke. Based on your estimate of 10 quid each way it would be 80 quid a month so 25 is a bloody bargain!!
I actually think your response has made my mind up. Find your own way there from now on. See ya"

You're a lot nicer than me.

I'd have just called her a cunt and told her to fuck off.

hekissedmybottom · 22/02/2023 10:10

Don't argue just don't reply.
I had something like this with a "friend" and she ended up sending abusive messages about me being ugly and a C*

they always show their true colours in the end. It's tempting to reply but not replying actually shows them more who they are. They see themselves and have nothing to deflect to and may have a chance at changing their behaviour.

If you keep replying she'll keep focusing on what you said and how wrong you are and think well I don't have to change it's them who are the bad one.

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 22/02/2023 10:13

Well done OP. I’m a non-driver ( currently taking lessons) and think this is outrageous. It would never cross my mind to ask someone who was driving me home to wait while I go shopping for 5 minutes or 50 minutes - either way it’s just not on!

She has shown a complete disregard for your time and if the taxi is minimum £80 why is she making a fuss about £25?

Seems like she’s also a bit jealous of your progress in the class.

wheretoyougonow · 22/02/2023 10:13

Well done for calling her out. I fail to see why her attending a voluntary activity is now your responsibility.
Her response is not one of a friend.... I would refrain from getting into the intricate details of her finances as that isn't really the issue and she will use this to blackmail you.
Enjoy your peaceful journeys.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 22/02/2023 10:13

I think I would have started the chat with ‘you need to make your way to mine and find a way to get home from mine after the class & there will be no more ‘popping’ to the supermarket after class’.

If that hadn’t gone down well I’d have gone straight down the route you’ve chosen, no question.

Original poster
Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 10:15

@hekissedmybottom it's like you know her!!! That's exactly what she will do. She wouldn't dare call me owt unless it's behind my back as she knows I'm a black belt in 2 martial arts and I'd belt her one 🤣🤣
my problem is I've been treated badly by family for so long I second guess myself a lot

OP posts:
IglesiasPiggl · 22/02/2023 10:16

That is insane. She expects you to take her shopping at 10.30 at night?! Ditch this limpet.

Jamieleecurtain · 22/02/2023 10:17

I don’t get all the drama. Why not just tell her that now she’s in another class you won’t be able to give her lifts. And a simple ‘no sorry I want to get home to bed’ when she asks to stop at a shop

Flossyhair · 22/02/2023 10:17

This type of thread makes my heart sing.

You stood up for yourself and I love reading stuff like this.

Absolute legend.

SeulementUneFois · 22/02/2023 10:18

Well done OP!
Please block her now!

Winniewoooooooo · 22/02/2023 10:18

hekissedmybottom · 22/02/2023 10:10

Don't argue just don't reply.
I had something like this with a "friend" and she ended up sending abusive messages about me being ugly and a C*

they always show their true colours in the end. It's tempting to reply but not replying actually shows them more who they are. They see themselves and have nothing to deflect to and may have a chance at changing their behaviour.

If you keep replying she'll keep focusing on what you said and how wrong you are and think well I don't have to change it's them who are the bad one.

Totally agree with this. All you have done us bought yourself down to her level.
Still can't believe a 40 min journey only cost £14..... around my area small rural city it would be at least £40.

Grizzledstrawberry · 22/02/2023 10:19

£10 at the most, a month! What a cheeky shit she is, let her make her own way there, she can always learn to drive herself.