Refusing to give a friend lifts any more

[Lonelygirl38]

So after dealing with shitty family, I'm now looking at friendships - I want to be more assertive and make sure I'm not being used and that I have a good support network

For the past few months, I have given lifts to my friend to boxing.
My friend doesn't drive so I take her. She doesn't pay towards fuel at all.and has never offered - although I have said she needs to start contributing to the cost

As the boxing class doesn't finish until 10.30 pm I told her that supermarket stops after class would not be happening going forward and she can sort that out herself as I'm not prepared to wait for her to do a full shop at that time which also delays me getting home. (I've done it twice and she's had me waiting over an hour!!)
She got very angry and said she needs to do her shopping
I told her that was not my problem and I also reminded her that going forward she needs to contribute to the cost of petrol as she wouldn't be able to get to class without my car.
She was not happy so I said that it was fine but I would meet her there next week as i was fed up of being taken advantage of and used.
She said she cannot afford the taxis as one way is £10. I told her that she can get a bus and we will meet there. They run til 11.30pm so she could get home too and if she wanted to go to the class she would manage it.
AIBU to stop giving her lifts anywhere and just meet her at the class?
I feel I've been clear that she's taking advantage but feel a but guilty.
DH said that she's taking the piss with expecting me to wait for her to go shopping and also not contributing any petrol money and he thinks I'm 100% right

God there are so many CF's out there - she gets angry because you won't wait for an hour for her to do her shopping.
Fuck me! I'd have told her to get stuffed a long time ago. Get a driving license like everyone else has to.

Totally agree with this. Frankly 'if' the story is true the friend is clearly a CF.
But OP hasn't exactly acted with integrity or backbone. Taking the higher moral position the answer should just be a polite 'no". All this drama isn't necessary and not in the sprit of a black belt in MA.....

Well done op! I wish I could be more assertive with the cf’s in my life sometimes.

I'm glad you are stripping the CF's from your life, you'll feel so much better for it!

2 bus journeys a week is going to be more than £10 a month!

it’s irrelevant why she doesn’t drive, because not driving is an integral part of her life. She uses public transport or walks for everyday activities like shopping, going to work, to the hairdressers etc. unless she makes others chauffeur her around free gratis.

i don’t drive. So I get the bus. Because I’m not a leech.

Life without a car can be really tough

It would probably be easier if you didn't choose hobbies a 40 min car journey from your house though. Finding the money to keep a car on the road can be pretty tough too.

This is very well put. Using a car is undoubtedly much more convenient than not having one available to use; but the effort and money you have to put into having them is considerable.

2 bus journeys a week is going to be more than £10 a month!
there is a deal on presently for all trips on bus to be £2 so £4 a week £16 a month

the cf would have been better of giving op £14 a month towards fuel

Not sticking up for the CF but isn't that only for certain bus companies. I live in a village where there is only one bus company which offers no deals. Thankfully I drive.

All this talk about how much it costs per mile is all well and good, but the OP can charge anything she wants for her time and the inconvenience. She doesn't have to charge a "fair" / accurate price at all.

As she says, we don't know all the stuff her friend has said and done in the past, but whatevers been said, she's perfectly entitled to ask for payment for all the running around she's been doing.

Petrol is 138.9p at my local Tesco the last few weeks.

YADNBU X

If you really are a black belt in two martial arts I'm astonished you haven't picked up the fact we don't 'belt' people when having an difference of opinion. What kind of Mcdojo have you been going to??

I think the laughing emojis denote the OP wasn't being serious???

To the OP, has she replied to your latest message.

@Dogscanteatonions @Winniewoooooooo glad to see fellow martial arts aficionados telling this bullshido master to get back to her McDojo

Congratulations @Lonelygirl38 on ridding yourself, very clearly and with no apology, of someone who showed no gratitude for your kindness and became a huge user as well. It's so refreshing to see someone (especially female) taking their authority into their own hands and clearing the dross from your life. Those boxing lessons are giving you mental confidence I think. Onwards and upwards! 🌹

Yeah this ^.

Where’s the message to the cf about #beingkind ffs. If it was she was kind she would happily contribute towards the coasts of the lift and not make her friend wait a for an hour whilst doing supermarket shop.

I'm shocked you don't get the reference of "belt". Christ alive there are so many snowflakes 🙄 the laughing emoji and use of BELT kinda give it away to anyone with a brain cell no 🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I blocked her so if she has anything to say she will need to speak to me.directly x

Neither of you sound particularly nice tbh. Like something out of coronation street

Ooh corrie is a little low brow. Savage

If this is true, what a horrible way you dealt with a situation you weren't happy with. I wouldn't feel proud of 'finding a backbone' in that way. No moral high ground for you.

I know the OP isn't a taxi!

Unfortunately, there are people who feel entitled to your first born the moment they make the tiniest contribution, or in some cases, without making any contribution at all. I fear that the OP's friend would be in this group and accepting a £25 contribution could end up leading to very unreasonable demands using that £25 as a bargaining tool. The OP is already finding it difficult to put a stop to the current level of demands so that would be even worse with a higher level of confrontation. Hence, there is a risk that it would cause more hassle than any potential benefits.

I'm not making a "this is what will happen" prediction, just highlighting a potential outcome. For me, the risk of this potential outcome and the disruption it could lead to would not be worth £25/month; I'd rather travel alone and pay the full cost of fuel instead.

Well done op. Sounds like you're getting rid of all the crappy people from your life. A friend once said to me "get rid of anyone who doesn't bring anything to your life" best advice I ever received.