Refusing to give a friend lifts any more

[Lonelygirl38]

So after dealing with shitty family, I'm now looking at friendships - I want to be more assertive and make sure I'm not being used and that I have a good support network

For the past few months, I have given lifts to my friend to boxing.
My friend doesn't drive so I take her. She doesn't pay towards fuel at all.and has never offered - although I have said she needs to start contributing to the cost

As the boxing class doesn't finish until 10.30 pm I told her that supermarket stops after class would not be happening going forward and she can sort that out herself as I'm not prepared to wait for her to do a full shop at that time which also delays me getting home. (I've done it twice and she's had me waiting over an hour!!)
She got very angry and said she needs to do her shopping
I told her that was not my problem and I also reminded her that going forward she needs to contribute to the cost of petrol as she wouldn't be able to get to class without my car.
She was not happy so I said that it was fine but I would meet her there next week as i was fed up of being taken advantage of and used.
She said she cannot afford the taxis as one way is £10. I told her that she can get a bus and we will meet there. They run til 11.30pm so she could get home too and if she wanted to go to the class she would manage it.
AIBU to stop giving her lifts anywhere and just meet her at the class?
I feel I've been clear that she's taking advantage but feel a but guilty.
DH said that she's taking the piss with expecting me to wait for her to go shopping and also not contributing any petrol money and he thinks I'm 100% right

Fiver** bloody autocorrect 🤣

And in skips the CF.

Yes not having a car can be tough. Shopping without a car can be tough. That’s not anyone else’s fault or problem. Or responsibility to make up for a grown adult not having a car or the ability to drive. if it’s tough, learn to drive or get a car like everyone else has to that repeatedly gets leeched off.

it would cost her more than that per month by a substantial amount just per the quote if she was taking a taxi. £28 a week =£112 per month. I am dubious that the taxi both ways would cost so little.

Who in their right mind expects someone to wait in the car for an hour at 11:30pm while they do their full weekly shop?!.Its different if it was a quick run in,run out if she desperatly needed milk or something for her child's lunchbox for school next day as a one off.

Her shopping is not your problem,she has 6 other days/nights to do her shopping!.
You are right to distance yourself OP,she's majorly taking the piss and using you as a free taxi service,does she think cars run on fresh air?,not to mention your own time she's wasting.

Why do people assume that, when you're giving somebody a door-to-door service (let alone waiting around whilst they do their shopping), paying to buy, tax, insure and maintain the car, as well as having to actually do all the driving, they should contribute the absolute bare minimum possible?

Why shouldn't they pay according to the value that they get from it and when compared with more expensive (and less convenient) alternatives? Why is it down to the driver/car-owner to provide them with an amazing bargain? Are we saying that nobody should ever be expected to pay bus fare, just because the bus is going there anyway?!

But this isn't the OPs problem. I don't drive and have asked for lifts. I may ask if I can pop into a shop for an item. But wouldn't expect someone to hang around whilst I do a weeks shopping. And what happens when the op isn't there that week? Her "friend" must have a way to get her shopping done

What about the OP having a car to maintain, tyres, insurance, road tax?? Should she subsidise your decision to be a non driver??

She was definitely lying about the suspiciously low taxi charge, to steal a premeditated advantage should OP have invoked that cost in negotiating what she should pay, as a Plan B if she couldn't get away with paying nothing.

I wonder how she would have spluttered and pooped her pants responded if OP had said "Actually, I find doing the driving a bit tiring every week, along with the physical activity when we're there; so how about you book the taxi for each week, we'll travel there and back together and then, of course, I'll pay £10 for my half of the round trip" ?!

Please share where you can buy fuel at £1.40 per litre. Unleaded is currently 148.9p and diesel 169.9p per litre in East Devon/S Somerset/Exeter - those are the cheapest prices. I do a 16 mile commute on country lanes then an A road, mostly with national speed limits. It takes 29 minutes at 7.30am but anything up to an hour+ later in the day.

Ahhh the old CF special - 'How do YOU expect ME to get there now?'

Like its your problem that they cant do something they want to do

Ahhh the old CF special - 'How do YOU expect ME to get there now?'

Like its your problem that they cant do something they want to do

Precisely. So you don't drive, fine; but you are an adult, so you need to organise your own life.

That’s what a lot of these CFs think. They think they should save themselves the costs of learning to drive, buying a car, insuring, maintaining, taxing and putting fuel in the car. AND not only that they should also be saved the costs of public transport and taxis because they should be entitled to leech off those who do drive and do have all of those expenses and should either contribute the absolute bare minimum or nothing at all.

the entitlement will never fail to amaze me.

Well done for standing up for yourself
She's a user and her reply shows her true colours

Oh I didn't know drivers got free insurance & MOT! Wow! Drivers only have to pay for petrol who knew?

Are you the CF in this story by any chance?

Well done Op. she’s just a user, and her reaction to you standing up for yourself tells you she’s not a friend. For people like her, whatever you do it’s never enough.

Exactly. I’m a non-driver, medical reasons prevented me learning, now I can learn (medical issue is no more woohoo) but I can’t afford it. I wouldn’t DARE do anything like this. It’s so entitled and selfish, especially the food shop! Book a fucking delivery like the rest of us with a brain if you can’t be fashed getting in taxis / buses.

If I’m ever offered lifts I’m eternally grateful. Recently some friends wanted to go to a sensory class with the babies but it was not on a bus route so I said oh, sorry I can’t get there but maybe next time. Friend offered lift even though in the opposite direction to the class, even lent a baby seat. Wouldn’t accept a penny but I made sure she had a coffee and a cake on me afterwards.

PP that was tallying up the exact fuel cost and complaining you’re being overcharged is a proper pisstake surely? People so are selfish.

Gawd my BFF is taking me 8 miles to an early outpatient appt at hospital which might require sedation this week as it would be £18 each way for a taxi (I'm disabled can't manage the £5rtn bus and she has time- doesn't work) so I'm planning to take her out for a lush brunch after: my treat. I will offer petrol too but I know she'll say no.
That's how friends treat favours. If she hadn't been available I would have saved up for the taxi!
Glad you are realising friends are meant to bring us happiness and camaraderie not demands and costs!

It doesn’t really sound like you’re friends…

I can’t imagine asking someone to contribute to petrol when I was going somewhere anyway.

But then I would have dropped her off at the supermarket and suggested she get a taxi home rather than wait.

I wish someone would pay car payments, mot's, Insurance and road tax for me. 🤣🤣

I wouldn’t charge a friend if it were a journey I was doing anyway.

but it doesn’t sound as though you like her so I guess she’s not a friend.

@Lonelygirl38 I just wanted to add that I'm so impressed at the amount of self-care that you're showing - I'm sure there are a lot of people reading this (me included!) who could learn from the brilliant example you are setting 😊

I wouldn't be charging anyone for anything if I was going there anyway.

I would tell her there are no shop stops after though.

@Lonelygirl38 As a fellow anxiety (and sometimes depression) sufferer, I just want to say you're doing awesome.

You don't need to justify your decisions to anyone including your friend or any of us. You focus on you. Its okay to do that and as you're finding, it can be pretty liberating.

Well done.

I don't agree with you. You are going to the club anyway. She is your friend. I don't understand why you wouldn't pick her up. I wouldn't ask her for petrol money either. Asking for petrol money from your friend when you're already going to the place is really wrong IMO.

I understand that you don't want to wait for her to do a food shop late at night but if I was you, I would be thinking about offering to pick her up when you do your food shopping.

You don't sound like friends at all.

Then it would be cheaper for 'friend' to arrange a delivery, would it not?

The shopping thing would have made me stop straight away. One thing though, did you have to go out of your way to collect her ie does it cost 25 miles in fuel to get her? That might be part of the reason she’s mad. I’m not justifying her behaviour, I’m curious really.