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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to give a friend lifts any more

244 replies

Lonelygirl38 · 22/02/2023 09:32

So after dealing with shitty family, I'm now looking at friendships - I want to be more assertive and make sure I'm not being used and that I have a good support network

For the past few months, I have given lifts to my friend to boxing.
My friend doesn't drive so I take her. She doesn't pay towards fuel at all.and has never offered - although I have said she needs to start contributing to the cost

As the boxing class doesn't finish until 10.30 pm I told her that supermarket stops after class would not be happening going forward and she can sort that out herself as I'm not prepared to wait for her to do a full shop at that time which also delays me getting home. (I've done it twice and she's had me waiting over an hour!!)
She got very angry and said she needs to do her shopping
I told her that was not my problem and I also reminded her that going forward she needs to contribute to the cost of petrol as she wouldn't be able to get to class without my car.
She was not happy so I said that it was fine but I would meet her there next week as i was fed up of being taken advantage of and used.
She said she cannot afford the taxis as one way is £10. I told her that she can get a bus and we will meet there. They run til 11.30pm so she could get home too and if she wanted to go to the class she would manage it.
AIBU to stop giving her lifts anywhere and just meet her at the class?
I feel I've been clear that she's taking advantage but feel a but guilty.
DH said that she's taking the piss with expecting me to wait for her to go shopping and also not contributing any petrol money and he thinks I'm 100% right

OP posts:
JennyJenny8675309 · 22/02/2023 10:46

I get tired of being asked to provide free lifts for people who don’t have a car or the expense of car maintenance, insurance or petrol.

Leirvassbu · 22/02/2023 10:47

Good for you OP. She was absolutely taking the piss and she knows it.
Fucking hell - expecting lifts without any contribution to petrol and then insisting on you taking her to the supermarket as well. At fucking 10.30 at night.
She should have offered at least 5 quid a week from the get go, without having to be asked!

Beaverbridge · 22/02/2023 10:51

Yes, go girl, well done you. Time for CF, to all do one.

Thiscantreallybehappening · 22/02/2023 10:58

Well done OP, she is definitely a CF.

Even if she offers to now contribute the amount you've asked, I would decline as she will demand the supermarket shops too on the basis that she is contributing.

DahliaMacNamara · 22/02/2023 11:04

Are you sure you heard £14 for the taxi trip, OP? I've asked for quotes for a similar length of journey in the past, and it was more like £40.

midsomermurderess · 22/02/2023 11:06

She is indeed taking the piss. And who would expect someone to wait around at that hour of the night for their unpaying passenger to do a full food shop? There really is nowt as queer as folk.

Jumbojade · 22/02/2023 11:07

Well done OP. Just block and ignore her from now on. No doubt she will slag you off, but anyone who agrees with her, isn’t worth bothering about either. However, please don’t threaten to “belt her”, even if it is in jest!

SafferUpNorth · 22/02/2023 11:13

Block your socalled 'friend' and never look back.

OP, can I just say a massive WELL DONE on plucking up the courage to cleanse your life of all the dead wood and the users who bring nothing but negative energy. That is a hugely positive step for your future. I wish you the very best 😃

Bunnynames101 · 22/02/2023 11:13

Wow. She was a user.

I drive but don't have a car. I have a friend and colleague who regularly gives me a ride home from work or to the supermarket (when they're going for themselves) but I never ask, and never would, and I always contribute in some way (fuel, buy lunch etc).

She's a CF and upset at being called out on it.

starfishmummy · 22/02/2023 11:15

whattodo1975 · 22/02/2023 10:32

To be honest if i was driving there anyway i wouldn't be too fussed on petrol money, although nice if she offered.

The shopping trips are an absolute piss take though.

Same here - I'm a driver and I'd be going anyway so I wouldn't expect £25 a month contribution unless I was going several miles out of my way to pocknsomeone up.

But not to do the shopping. I doubt my froends would ask, bit of they did I'd say "I'll drop you at the supermarket but you'll need to make your own way home from there".

starfishmummy · 22/02/2023 11:16

Darn phone. Pick someone up!!

Codlingmoths · 22/02/2023 11:17

2023 will be the year of savagery I love it!!

unfortunateevents · 22/02/2023 11:18

This reply has been deleted

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Namechangedforthisonetoday · 22/02/2023 11:25

I thought black belt was martial arts? Or is boxing a martial art? Misses point entirely

LikeTearsInRain · 22/02/2023 11:26

YABU

Life without a car can be really tough. Doing food shopping with bags and getting on buses at night can be awful

A 40 minute drive? So about 20-25 miles max? 4 x a month, return journey so let’s say 200 miles. That’s about 5 gallons of fuel. Which when the cost is split between you is way less than £25. You are ripping her off there. Please correct me if I’m wrong about the journey distance.

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 22/02/2023 11:27

LikeTearsInRain · 22/02/2023 11:26

YABU

Life without a car can be really tough. Doing food shopping with bags and getting on buses at night can be awful

A 40 minute drive? So about 20-25 miles max? 4 x a month, return journey so let’s say 200 miles. That’s about 5 gallons of fuel. Which when the cost is split between you is way less than £25. You are ripping her off there. Please correct me if I’m wrong about the journey distance.

I’m going to assume with those maths you don’t drive?

JanusTheFirst · 22/02/2023 11:28

Good for you, OP. I would like some of your courage.

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 22/02/2023 11:28

After reading all your responses before commenting good for you for sticking up for yourself however I also think 25 a month is a bit much since you are going there anyway and its once a week unless you were driving miles out of your way however the shopping trips are insane

Twinedpeaks · 22/02/2023 11:29

I mean your friendship is 1000% over. Why did you tell her to pay, then tell her no more lifts anywhere, before she asked about a cost compromise?

Honestly you're clearly loving the drama and I'd either those messages are made up or you're pretty mean, telling her she's shit at boxing!

Pieandchips1234456 · 22/02/2023 11:32

Twinedpeaks · 22/02/2023 11:29

I mean your friendship is 1000% over. Why did you tell her to pay, then tell her no more lifts anywhere, before she asked about a cost compromise?

Honestly you're clearly loving the drama and I'd either those messages are made up or you're pretty mean, telling her she's shit at boxing!

This!! So many questions.

Although the friend was a CF expecting you to wait while she done her shopping at 10.30pm wtf!

hashbrownsandwich · 22/02/2023 11:32

Honestly, I can't wait for when the two of you are in a sparring situation in the ring 🤣

Knittedfairies · 22/02/2023 11:33

I wouldn't be giving her a lift ever again OP, even if she did agree to give you £25; she may see you as her own personal Uber and expect you to hang about every week while she does her shopping.

LikeTearsInRain · 22/02/2023 11:34

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 22/02/2023 11:27

I’m going to assume with those maths you don’t drive?

Show quote history

I have assumed 40mpg

Timing I have assumed they live in a residential area driving to another town/city nearby via main roads and then urban/residential area roads to the final venue. I do a 16 mile drive to a friend every week in similar circumstances. About 25 mins door to door.

5 gallons of fuel at £1.40 a litre is about £32

Pieandchips1234456 · 22/02/2023 11:35

I'd probably have asked for a giver a week. But tbh my friends would probably offer and I'd say it was fine. However since it's weekly I'd say £5 per week is fair. But no way would i be taking her to get shopping, no chance.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 22/02/2023 11:35

£10 taxi for a 40 minute journey. That's very cheap?

Yes, suspiciously so. Even the £14 that OP was quoted - I too wondered if that was misheard or possibly some very special promotional introductory offer based on a regular advance booking every week for months. 40 minutes could be up to 30+ miles or so.

HMRC allows employees using their own car to be paid 45p/mile to reimburse their costs (which it doesn't these days, as it hasn't changed in line with inflation) - a taxi driver not only has to buy a car solely for trade (whereas the employee will have the car for their own use anyway), but obviously is also doing the job to earn a decent living. I'd have thought they'd reckon on an absolute bare minimum of £1.50 per mile, and probably considerably more.

CFs use the "What about meeeeee?" line as a way of trying to claim that they deserve as much as everybody else, but what they really mean is that they are the only one that actually matters. How else can a non-car-owner do their shopping? Oooh, what a shame that supermarkets don't provide an online ordering service that they then deliver to your door....

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