Refusing to give a friend lifts any more

[Lonelygirl38]

So after dealing with shitty family, I'm now looking at friendships - I want to be more assertive and make sure I'm not being used and that I have a good support network

For the past few months, I have given lifts to my friend to boxing.
My friend doesn't drive so I take her. She doesn't pay towards fuel at all.and has never offered - although I have said she needs to start contributing to the cost

As the boxing class doesn't finish until 10.30 pm I told her that supermarket stops after class would not be happening going forward and she can sort that out herself as I'm not prepared to wait for her to do a full shop at that time which also delays me getting home. (I've done it twice and she's had me waiting over an hour!!)
She got very angry and said she needs to do her shopping
I told her that was not my problem and I also reminded her that going forward she needs to contribute to the cost of petrol as she wouldn't be able to get to class without my car.
She was not happy so I said that it was fine but I would meet her there next week as i was fed up of being taken advantage of and used.
She said she cannot afford the taxis as one way is £10. I told her that she can get a bus and we will meet there. They run til 11.30pm so she could get home too and if she wanted to go to the class she would manage it.
AIBU to stop giving her lifts anywhere and just meet her at the class?
I feel I've been clear that she's taking advantage but feel a but guilty.
DH said that she's taking the piss with expecting me to wait for her to go shopping and also not contributing any petrol money and he thinks I'm 100% right

I think you've dealt with it perfectly well, OP. As someone whose kind nature and helpfulness is regularly abused, it's good to see a piss taker being put back in their box.

I would take her to the classes or at least give her a lift home but tell her not waiting while she does her shopping as it is too long but I do not see the issue with the lift to boxing once no shopping is done.

”But what about meeee???”

My friend and I laugh our asses off every time we hear that. It’s surprisingly common.

Good for you, @Lonelygirl38

The op saying she will give her "a belt" is clearly a figure of speech. I have said I will kill someone in the past but it doesn't mean I will literally breakout one of our revolvers and shoot someone!😁

There is a constituency here, a not very bright one, daily looking for a high horse to scrabble on to, then to declare, ‘look at me, looking magnificent on my big, high horse’ while everyone else thinks ‘what a tit’. They didn’t fail us on this thread.

😁

Well done OP.

You will find your anxieties relieved with every cull.

Users are exhausting to be around.

Irrespective of what she says going forward, this is NOT someone you want near you, or your car.

Every good wish for '23 and all the positive changes you are making.

Change is challenging but can be hugely rewarding.

🤣🤣 Quite.

You're about as funny as your black belts are real.

Good on you op. Well played.
I like the sound if boxing as a fitness activity

How is the cull going OP?

I hope your anxiety has eased.

Doesn’t she have a shop closer to home? I think she is taking the piss asking you to wait around whilst she does her shopping. I would just leave and say that I have commitments and she either comes in the car with you or stays and does her shopping and figures out her way home.

40 minutes there and back is a long journey. If I was her, I’d make your life easier, meet you wherever, pay for the petrol. But sounds like she isn’t considering your feelings.

How many old threads have you bumped today? Do you have a target or are you just bored?

You’re totally right! Paying you for petrol is fair because she would have to pay to get to the class anyway!

But expecting you to wait while she shops?! Outrageously inconsiderate of her! She’s lucky you sat there for an hour while she swanned around the supermarket!

I’d have left the cheeky madam and gone home! I can imagine her saying you’re unreasonable for not driving her and unreasonable for not waiting while she shops and unreasonable for expecting her to contribute to the fuel while you and your child are delayed til beyond bedtime!

She’s taking liberties!

Double standards - you want a good support network but are not prepared to be part of friends support networks

Ps I agree you should insist on petrol money - what does the rac calculator say it costs to.drive to boxing ?

Oh god zombie 🧟‍♀️

Welcome to your Villain Era, @Lonelygirl38. lopping the dead wood frees you up to have time, emotional space and energy to focus on what you truly love. You will find that your REAL friends are the ones that require less and contact with them lifts you up and doesn’t leave you feeling tired or anxious. Also, congrats on the black belt. I would have loved to have done something like that. (Medical condition rules this out…) Must be so good for your fitness and self-esteem.

👏👏👏

Imagine how far the CF bar would rise if she did pay petrol.