Would you be upset if a TA said this to your child?

[Redsandyellows]

He’s 4 years old.
He told me the class teaching assistant had told him to “stay in there and think about what you’ve done”.
I have had no issues with the school previously and it’s a highly rated school in the area.

When I asked what he had done to warrant this, he couldn’t tell me.
No one spoke to me at pick up about anything.

Its not a phrase we would use at home, so I was quite sure it had come from the school and then he mentioned the TA’s name so I’m adamant he wasn’t making it up.

She’s an older TA (been at the same school at least 20 years).

AIBU or is this inappropriate in such a young class?

Why don't you just ask what the TA what he had done? He's probably forgotten or doesn't want to tell you. You can then tell him what he needs to think about and talk about how he needs to behave. I don't think there's anything wrong with what she did though and I wouldn't trust a young child to convey tone or volume correctly!

I would be more interested in what my child had done. Can't be that bad as not mentioned but i would still be more curious about that.

If a child is struggling you spend more time with them as a TA not less. You do not isolate them from the group.

What nonsensical rubbish!

If you want a TA to spend quality 1-1 time with a child who is struggling then, by definition, they need to be apart from 'the group'. Otherwise it would be 1-30 time.

My almost 4 year old DS told me yesterday that he hadn't had any lunch - an hour after I had watched him eat it. They say all kinds of things.

However, I can't see any issue at all in a TA asking a child to sit on a chair and think about what they have just done. They should learn to think about their behaviour. DH and I have asked our DC at various times to think about their actions. DD threw her fork at DS2 last week and in the talk that followed, when she said 'but I missed', DH made her sit at the table and think about what she'd done. Can't see the issue at all with it.

Presumably, you mention her being an 'older' TA with 20+ years experience because that's a good thing???

Was it the chokie? if not it's fine.

What's wrong with that?

Honestly? Leave it. Please don't be 'that' parent on this. Be 'that' parent on something that matters. Or else they won't take you seriously when you need them to.

ps. kids lie. He was probably being naughty and the TA quite rightly told him off. There's nothing wrong with what she said to him.

So glad my DD has decided against doing her PGCE.

My blooming partner sometimes claims I've shouted at him when in fact I've said something quietly (have medical problems meaning I find it very hard to actually shout!) but that he felt was telling him off e.g. could you please stop leaving your towel on the bed. (He is very much not such a twerp nor someone to make things up normally.) I think it's a natural human reaction to feeling like you're in trouble, normal esp for little kids. I wouldn't let it worry you OP.

You sound a bit anxious about your son - asking genuinely, are you ok?

Can I just point you in the direction of this thread here, This is what happens when boundaries are not put in place when kids are young, This is what happens when parents dont ask their kids to reflect on their behaviour and how it has affected others around them.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4748309-is-this-gang-thing-happening-in-your-town-centre

As for the MH issues and anxiety in Young people, I believe the parents are to blame for a lot of that too, turning normal emotions which everyone feels into massive feelings.

A bit nervous about a school test = riddled with anxiety
fancies having a day off school = Separation anxiety
worried about something minor =panic attack
Crying when hurt = sensitive child
Time out to reflect = isolating from the group (this is a new one on me tbh)

The list of buzz words that are now used for every day normal healthy emotions is doing children no favours at all.

Nothing wrong with the TA saying that. Children need to learn to reflect on their behaviour, both good and bad. As a teacher, I would support my TA disciplining the children in my class if it was necessary. If you are concerned though, you could ask what happened. It is useful for parents to support teachers/TAs with regards to behaviour and vice versa. I'm sure the TAs actions were fair... These days, school staff are too scared to say or do anything because people complain at the slightest thing.

I'm assuming you've never been in charge of 30 4 year olds?

he was told to think about what he'd done, he wasn't expelled.

Do you honestly think the teacher should write down every time she's corrected a child that day and speak to each parent at pick up? You'd need to turn it into a boarding school.

@Redsandyellows

was the chair on the bottom of a swimming pool?

if not, so what? It's not going to hurt him to sit in a chair for 5 minutes, even if he doesn't know why (which I seriously doubt).

And I'll tell you what causes anxiety and mental health issues later in the school career @NewNovember . Kids in secondary school that are rude to teachers, staff and other kids, think it's fine to behave exactly the way they want to in class (if they don't like the subject then every other child has to know about it and suffer because of their dislike for Geography or whatever).

I work in a school and I've seen teachers reduced to tears by a 13 or 14 year old who does NOT want to take part in a lesson dominating the class, arguing back when told to quieten down, taking up all the teacher's time when he or she has another 29 kids in the class that actually want to learn and matter 100% more for that reason alone.

My DS is lucky, he's in a top set class where most of the kids want to learn. But a friend of his had to get his parents to ask for a classroom move as there were one or two kids who disrupted every lesson. No SEN issues - we have a few SEN classes with extra support and, for the most part, those kids are a joy to work with in comparison.

Knowing your GCSEs are looming and the teacher can't get on with the lesson because of prima donna types kids causes anxiety and mental health issues from the stress of having to put up with it. A little discipline, supported by the parents, at an early stage for those kids would have helped everyone later in life.

Not saying this applies to the OP's situation at all but pointing out that the well behaved kids need the less well behaved disciplined too - it's not all about cajoling the kids into niceness.

It is if you understand what you're reflecting on!

YABU. It's a pretty mild thing to say to a child and she simply told him to sit on a chair and think. He may not remember what he'd done or he may remember but not want to tell you. He's perfectly happy to go back to school.
I really don't see what the problem is.

So true.

Everyone needs to reflect on their behaviour even 4 year olds. I think it’s perfectly acceptable.

At 4 they should be learning that there are consequences to actions. It could of just been the usual 2-5yr old push, snatching a toy, nip or scratch etc. At 4 should be starting to grow out of it by learning consequences, being told to sit down and think about it is much better that being shouted at and sent out of the classroom which, when I was 4-5 is what would of happened. It's a natural consequence what you can expect in a school as children are getting older and maturing which only happens by them learning to think for themselves. If he doesn't remember then ask the ta to make sure he understood what he did wrong (I'm sure she did, my son used to forget after having fun after the incident and consequence) and to let you know in future so you can talk about it at home if needed. I have a 14yr old, 2.5yr old and 10mth old. My 2.5yr old is told to sit down in a space after doing something wrong like smacking her baby brother or snatching a toy off him. After I tell her we don't do whatever she did. When she's 4 you can bet I will be saying think about what you did as she is sat down in a space.

Bloody hell you are talking absolute shit.

No, I would not be upset. Normal handling of that age.

Many excited four yr olds will ignore a couple of warnings/ instructions and finally need to be physically prevented from doing XYZ again. I can't think how often I told mine WTE " That's enough; you know not to XYZ. Now I want you to sit down and calm down. And then when you've calmed down we'll say sorry to Jim/ pick it all up/ all be friends again. "

Holy moly what absolute shite.

Is your issue with the fact it was the TA? Would you be this up in arms if it was the teacher? Or is nobody allowed to discipline your precious boy who wouldn't do anything wrong?

I don't get what the problem is