Would you be upset if a TA said this to your child?

[Redsandyellows]

He’s 4 years old.
He told me the class teaching assistant had told him to “stay in there and think about what you’ve done”.
I have had no issues with the school previously and it’s a highly rated school in the area.

When I asked what he had done to warrant this, he couldn’t tell me.
No one spoke to me at pick up about anything.

Its not a phrase we would use at home, so I was quite sure it had come from the school and then he mentioned the TA’s name so I’m adamant he wasn’t making it up.

She’s an older TA (been at the same school at least 20 years).

AIBU or is this inappropriate in such a young class?

I'm curious as to how OP disciplines her child at home when naughty or whether he can do no wrong, ever.

Almost without a shadow of a doubt, that is exactly what has happened. The TA has almost certainly explained what he did wrong. He either can't remember because he doesn't want a second consequence (although it sounds like he might not be overly familiar with consequences for silly behaviour), or he genuinely can't remember because like most 4 year olds he's self-centred and what has stuck with him was the not-so-nice thing that happened to him after the silly behaviour. That doesn't mean he didn't know or understand at the time.

I think that it's ok? What would your suggestion be as an alternative?

What a non-event. Good luck to his future teachers - they're going to need it.

Faaaaaaaaarks sake. This is why the UK is going to hell in a hand basket.

Exactly it’s far more likely he did something naughty but just didn’t want to admit it to his mum, what 4 year old would? If he can even remember. Far more likely than a TA punishing a child for absolutely no reason.

Yes very inappropriate sadly we still have a long way to go as a society. It's never ok to use "time out" rather" time in ".
If a child is struggling you spend more time with them as a TA not less. You do not isolate them from the group.

In answer to your question OP, the answer is no, I wouldn't be upset if a TA said that to my ds (he is a year older than yours).

I would however be curious as to what he'd done to warrant a telling off. My view is that while in school , the staff are responsible for him...and as such are perfectly within their right to dish out a suitable punishment for bad behaviour (as I would do and do do at home ). I would want to know what he had done so that I could remind him that that behaviour was not acceptable in school. Especially as he seems to have already forgotten what he had done!
As he seemed happy enough to go in this morning I really wouldn't be worried that the TA's tone was overly harsh either.

No it's the opposite it's why we have young people with anxiety and mental health issues. Because disregulated behaviour in a four year is treated as naughty and an inconvenience and they should just go away and think about just how naughty they really are.

I cant actually work out if you are joking or not

oh , you are serious.

Bonkers 😂

Give me strength.

What!!

Very common phrase to use in school, I would have thought. They’ve got to have some methods of disciplining children. There was a punishment at my dc’s primary school, called ‘reflection’, where they had to go and sit outside the Head’s office for part or all of playtime and think about what they’d done! They usually do know what they’ve done, but maybe don’t want to tell anyone else.

He has only told you half the story. I expect he knew but didn’t want to tell you. He was, you think, told to sit on a chair. I imagine that the other children were sitting on the carpeted area and he was next to them. I remember a similar thing used to happen when I was teaching years ago when we put a hoop on the floor. The child in question would sit in it but still part of the group. Your child has probably forgotten the incident. If you are worried ask the TA if she can tell you what he had been up to. Ask in a low key, friendly fashion.

No it's the opposite it's why we have young people with anxiety and mental health issues.

So why are these issues increasing now that we have more parents who are unwilling to actually discipline their children, compared to the past when children were treated much more harshly?

I don't think how children were (sometimes) treated in the past was okay, btw. I just think that children and teens thrive with healthy boundaries and consequences for poor behaviour. A 4yo needs to know that some behaviour is unacceptable. Heck, a 2yo needs to know that!

So did he shout or did he say it in a firm tone?

I would be curious as to what he had done. But other than that cannot see what is wrong with it.
If he was being told to think about what he had done for something that didn't warrant that remark I would be concerned. If he had done something that did warrant it I might want to know.
But getting agitated over someone asking a child to reflect without knowing what over is not right. You need more information.

Very wrong.
Classrooms are busy and overcrowded so a few minutes away from the hustle and bustle can be good for calming down. Lots of kids find the classroom environment stressful and some space can be good before they explode and do something that could have been prevented.

This-a thousand times over!

You honestly think a 4 year old can accurately get every detail spot on?

Sorry but this did make me chuckle. 4 year olds aren’t known for their perfect re-enactment skills without exaggeration or embellishment.

I would ask the TA what he had done wrong so you can keep an eye out for similar behaviour.

Personally believe the TA or actual T of the class should have told u 100 %

That the child was playing up, disciplined and the situation resolved at some point in the day? They'd have to make home time about an hour long to explain every situation to every parent.