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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset if a TA said this to your child?

217 replies

Redsandyellows · 22/02/2023 09:00

He’s 4 years old.
He told me the class teaching assistant had told him to “stay in there and think about what you’ve done”.
I have had no issues with the school previously and it’s a highly rated school in the area.

When I asked what he had done to warrant this, he couldn’t tell me.
No one spoke to me at pick up about anything.

Its not a phrase we would use at home, so I was quite sure it had come from the school and then he mentioned the TA’s name so I’m adamant he wasn’t making it up.

She’s an older TA (been at the same school at least 20 years).

AIBU or is this inappropriate in such a young class?

OP posts:
RobinRobinMouse · 22/02/2023 09:31

I'm really struggling to work out what aspect of this you could possibly have a problem with.

OoooohMatron · 22/02/2023 09:31

Also the fact it's not something you would say at home is totally irrelevant. He wasn't at home he was at school.

OutDamnedSpot · 22/02/2023 09:33

I would completely ignore this.

if you do want to address it, I’d word it as a question “Timmy mentioned that he was asked to think about what he’d done, but he wasn’t sure what it was. Is it something you’d like me to discuss with him?”

Renoir56 · 22/02/2023 09:34

What has her age got to do with it?

drpet49 · 22/02/2023 09:37

ZeroFuchsGiven · 22/02/2023 09:04

And this is why the world is going to shit, it is perfectly reasonable to tell a child to think about their actions.

This.

ShandaLear · 22/02/2023 09:38

Well, he obviously did something wrong and either didn’t want to tell you, or had forgotten by the time he got home hours later. I’m not sure what you want the ancient TA to do? Maybe whack him with a wooden spoon because that’s what used to happen to us? I can’t understand what you think she did wrong.

PleasantZen · 22/02/2023 09:39

I consider myself to be gentle at parenting and I would not have a problem with that statement at all. Its a good thing that they are telling him to think about what he has done rather than tell him how he should feel, tell him he's naughty or shout at him.

What else can they do if he's done something he shouldn't have?

ancientgran · 22/02/2023 09:40

ZeroFuchsGiven · 22/02/2023 09:04

And this is why the world is going to shit, it is perfectly reasonable to tell a child to think about their actions.

It would be sensible to make sure they knew what they were supposed to be thinking about. Bit pointless otherwise.

123BoyMom · 22/02/2023 09:40

This is bonkers. I'd put more energy into finding out what he did to warrant punishment and teaching him to tell you the truth when asked a direct question.

Pinkypurplecloud · 22/02/2023 09:40

Total non issue. Even in the unlikely event she got it wrong and he really didn’t do anything you don’t have to jump in and complain/try to correct every tiny minor injustice at school. Sitting on a chair for a couple of minutes is harmless and a very normal consequence in schools. If it’s a repeated pattern of a TA picking on him for no reason then obviously that’s different, but this sounds trivial and something I’d encourage my child to brush off and forget about.

Tafaa · 22/02/2023 09:41

No, I wouldn't be upset. YABU.

Theelephantinthecastle · 22/02/2023 09:42

Don't know if this is just our school but I think asking to talk to the staff about this sort of thing is a bit OTT as well - I don't think the staff have time to discuss every incident of this sort with parents.

We don't even really have the opportunity to do that - would need to ring and make an appointment

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 22/02/2023 09:42

So you don't discipline at home, or...?

Sillyheadoooooo · 22/02/2023 09:44

Teachers can’t do anything right. You’re annoyed at what a teacher said to your son for “no reason” and you don’t even know if he said it. 4 year olds aren’t known for giving balanced accounts. Phrase could have been picked up from a book? If you’re concerned email/ talk to the teacher so you have all the info.

1AngelicFruitCake · 22/02/2023 09:44

Im at a loss to understand what’s wrong with this?

Asking a child to think about their behaviour? What do you do at home if he misbehaves? Asking a child to take a minute to think about what they’ve done will hopefully help them to reflect on what they did that wasn’t kind/right choice.

This is the type of thing that teachers get criticised for all the time. I think if you’re a reasonable parent then you would be surprised to hear how often teachers have complaints about speaking to their child in anything other than a complimentary way.

If you want to find out then ask what happened so you can talk to him at home. I’d honestly be very surprised if a 4 year old can’t recall an incident where they were asked to sit out for thinking time. My response to ‘can’t remember’ was always that they need to remember or I’ll ask the teacher. Funny how they soon remembered!

RobinGood · 22/02/2023 09:44

He’s perfectly fine and happy to go in, after being asked to sit on a chair for a bit. This is such a non-issue. I would have no problem whatsoever with this “punishment” being used on my reception aged child.

Hotpinkangel19 · 22/02/2023 09:45

I wouldn't bat an eyelid unless they were locked in a cupboard or similar. On a chair, to think about what they may have done wrong, is perfectly acceptable imo. And I have 4 children, and am also a child care worker. What exactly has upset you about this?

Fraaahnces · 22/02/2023 09:49

WTF? He’s four! That’s comical! He’ll be thinking about peeing, what’s on the floor, when he can have his favourite food next, why he can’t have a puppy when his mate Jasper has one, and if he ties a towel around his neck and jumps off the roof, maybe he can fly and punch this stroppy old cow in the face and have fun until mum comes and gets him.For further research 😁

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 09:50

What on Earth is wrong with that, it’s a basic telling off? He clearly did something naughty. Why would you object?

mynamesnotMa · 22/02/2023 09:50

Oh my days. The education years are going to be a long hard road ahead.
Dont be the can I have a quick word parent. Or offer to help at school.

Heckythump1 · 22/02/2023 09:51

I'd be more concerned about my child's behaviour that had warranted this response from the TA to be honest!

rainbowstardrops · 22/02/2023 09:51

What has the TA's age got to do with it? If anything, it means she's experienced and has probably dealt with hundreds of little Jonnie's silly behaviour/poor choices.
Unless she put him in a cupboard like Harry Potter, she did absolutely the right thing.

I imagine your son was either being silly/rough/had been told to make better choices, possibly more than once and I expect he knew at the time why he was asked to take some time out but by the end of the day, he'd forgotten.

Absolute non issue.

Squamata · 22/02/2023 09:51

Teachers have 30 kids to manage and attempt to teach. If one plays up or gets overexcited, it's entirely reasonable to do something like this to calm them down a bit.

If they asked him to think about what he did, presumably he was doing something daft or naughty.

Yabu.

amusedbush · 22/02/2023 09:53

Unless the TA is Miss Trunchbull, I doubt he was locked in the Chokey. I don't have kids so I'm not up on discipline but surely a bit of quiet reflection is a safe way to de-escalate a situation? You said yourself he was happy to go in today.

The "what does her age have to do with it?" questions seem a bit passive-aggressive, though. It reads to me that OP is implying the time-out punishment is dated and something she might have expected 20 years ago, that's why she mentioned her age.

MelonFarmer · 22/02/2023 09:54

He’s 4. Of course he’s going to say he did nothing. he could carried out a heist in the school tick shop and he’d tell you he’d done nothing.

His school career has a long way to go, I suggest you relax a little or these next 12 years or so are going to be difficult for you both.