Would you be upset if a TA said this to your child?

[Redsandyellows]

He’s 4 years old.
He told me the class teaching assistant had told him to “stay in there and think about what you’ve done”.
I have had no issues with the school previously and it’s a highly rated school in the area.

When I asked what he had done to warrant this, he couldn’t tell me.
No one spoke to me at pick up about anything.

Its not a phrase we would use at home, so I was quite sure it had come from the school and then he mentioned the TA’s name so I’m adamant he wasn’t making it up.

She’s an older TA (been at the same school at least 20 years).

AIBU or is this inappropriate in such a young class?

Unless the 'stay there' was a cupboard, the toilets or somewhere similar inappropriate then I wouldn't have a problem with it.
If he was asked to stay on a chair in the classroom then that's fine with me as long as we aren't talking about being made to sit there for half hour or miss lunch etc.
I would ask the TA what he had done so if he mentions it again I can remind him

It sounds like he did something impulsive. Pushed, rough play, inappropriate use of facilities or resources…does that sound like your son, OP?
Sit and think is a calming and reflective moment, but being 4, he moved on much faster than adults and forgot why he’d had a consequence.
Is he your first child? Did he go to nursery? Because he sounds very typical, as does the TA’s response.

I'd ask the TA What happened especially as they haven't spoken to you about it or notified you that something did happen. It's a very old school approach isn't it.
And stay in where?

This. Seriously, timeout doesn't hurt anyone. Maybe he 'doesn't know' what he's done because he doesn't want to tell you.

My kids went to nurseries with thinking chairs. It's a timeout spot where kids are supposed to reflect on their actions. (I'm guessing 4 years old= 4 minutes)
What don't you like? Sometimes kids need a breather because they have acted impulsively (as children do) and after those 4 minutes they can start afresh.

He's 4. He possibly got a bit excited about something and did something he shouldn't have. Not worth worrying about it. He's not bothered about it if he's keen to go to school. Kids have to learn to accept discipline otherwise it would be chaotic in a classroom.

Seriously?

Reflection is a key part of behaviour management. It gives children a chance to calm down.

When children in the playground have pushed others or said unkind words for example I will send them to sit on the carpet in my classroom to think about what they have done and how they can make amends.

I then deal with the other child, consoling or completing first aid.

After that, I return to the other child and we have a chat about what happened and how they can learn from what has happened. It's usually apologising and making sure they use kind words.

This happens very often in my ks1 area.

When I was an EY practioner, if a child was asked to apologise for something we always asked them to say why they were sorry, so they understood why they in the wrong eg, I’m sorry for pushing you, I’m sorry for breaking your Lego model. That sort of thing. Saying sorry is meaningless unless they mean it.
I suspect your child knew at the time why he was asked to reflect on his actions but a few hours later after it had been dealt with he had forgotten.

To be fair, he's 4, so he's unlikely to have translated the whole conversation word for word. Maybe he was told to sit in a chair and think about it, but the tone is what you are actually concerned about.

My son, who's 4 and a half, often interprets my tone wrong. According to him, I hit his head with a car door on purpose. Obviously, it was a mistake, but they didn't get the difference between intent and result at that age.

I would ask the said TA what happened as DS wasn't able to remember and ask that in the future, she would support him to understand his feelings and how he impacted others.

If he's been at nursery since September and this is his first time in the chair then he's clearly a well behaved boy who made a little mistake. I wouldn't expect to hear about this as it's a one off. If he was in the chair regularly then I'd want to know details.

I think you should not worry about this.

@Sherrystrullexplained it much better than me!

I'm curious. You don't approve of reflective behaviour management. Or presumably restorative justice etc.

What exactly do you do? Even gentle parenting when done correctly has consequences.

Also, why put in that it is an older TA?

I now feel even sorrier for TAs than I do for teachers. At least teachers get a half-decent salary to compensate for little Johnny's mamma bristling at even the mildest of rebukes.

Absolutely this!
Surely teaching a child to take a breather and reflect on naughty behavior is better than shouting at them!

Wow. And people wonder why school staff are leaving in droves... How dare a teaching assistant challenge inappropriate behaviour, of course your precious child can have done nothing wrong. Unbelievable. If every single misdemeanor was reported to parents at the end of every day, can you imagine how long that would take. I fear for the future I really do, so much entitlement breeding more entitlement. I see it every day from parents like you. I agree with the poster above who said this is why the world/society is going to shit. Crazy. Get a grip of yourself.

I think it's reasonable to say.

How precious, what do you suggest they use for behaviour management? He hasn't been slapped, he's been told to sit and think about his actions.

@Butchyrestingface

Totally agree

This 👏👏

Why do you have an issue with this?

Seriously? No wonder teachers are leaving. He knows what he did he's just not telling you and I think it's reasonable to ask him to think about it. Just ask the TA what happened.

Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

He hasn't forgotten what he did, he just doesn't want to tell you.

How do you discipline him at home?

This is your first born isn't it OP